The HolyJuan clan wishes you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. May we all be able to afford our own holiday cards next year.
A HolyJuan Family Christmas
The HolyJuan clan wishes you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. May we all be able to afford our own holiday cards next year.
She Asked HolyJuan
Here is non-photoshopped, visual proof that I have one fan who is actually willing to show her face!
Feel free to Ask HolyJuan yourself by e-mailing me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
Feel free to Ask HolyJuan yourself by e-mailing me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
Sarah Palin will be remembered for ions to come
Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the next President of the United States on Twitter:
Scientific advice from someone who doesn't know ions from eons.
Scientific advice from someone who doesn't know ions from eons.
The Bet is Over
The No More Snow in 2009 Bet is over and I was incorrect.
I've always said that you can make 100 insane predictions and if only one of them comes true, people will forget the failed ones and call you a oracle and buy any book you print.
Back in February of 2009, I predicted that Columbus, OH would not receive any more snow in 2009. This was mainly brought on by a couple of future casts that predicted six feet of snow two weeks out.
Though the end of February and then March we didn't get any snow. Towards the end of April we had some flurries, but nothing else. Summer came and then Fall. While other places around the states got early snow, Columbus remained shielded with a dome of positive thoughts and impossible odds.
Right at the end of November, I shared this bet with my local weatherman. He replied:
But then the weeks started to go by. The snow Jym predicted in the first week never materialized. And by the second week, the future cast looked clear. On Wednesday of this week, they predicted flurries for the weekend. Then by Thursday that was updated to snow. And more snow.
Last night as we drove back from Erik's house, the first hint of snow began to fall and those little tiny flakes crushed my Nostradamus aspirations. This morning there is a carpet of way more than 1/4" inch of snow on the ground and the bet is off.
Please check by again in the first week of January for my predictions of 2010. For those interested, here are the links to my predictions from 2007 and 2008:
2007 Predictions
2008 Predictions
I've always said that you can make 100 insane predictions and if only one of them comes true, people will forget the failed ones and call you a oracle and buy any book you print.
Back in February of 2009, I predicted that Columbus, OH would not receive any more snow in 2009. This was mainly brought on by a couple of future casts that predicted six feet of snow two weeks out.
Though the end of February and then March we didn't get any snow. Towards the end of April we had some flurries, but nothing else. Summer came and then Fall. While other places around the states got early snow, Columbus remained shielded with a dome of positive thoughts and impossible odds.
Right at the end of November, I shared this bet with my local weatherman. He replied:
But then the weeks started to go by. The snow Jym predicted in the first week never materialized. And by the second week, the future cast looked clear. On Wednesday of this week, they predicted flurries for the weekend. Then by Thursday that was updated to snow. And more snow.
Last night as we drove back from Erik's house, the first hint of snow began to fall and those little tiny flakes crushed my Nostradamus aspirations. This morning there is a carpet of way more than 1/4" inch of snow on the ground and the bet is off.
Please check by again in the first week of January for my predictions of 2010. For those interested, here are the links to my predictions from 2007 and 2008:
2007 Predictions
2008 Predictions
Goodbye Kroger Personal Finance
I fucked up. In my last online payment last month, I paid my Kroger Credit for the future date of 12/30/09 instead of 11/30/09. When the paper bill came in the mail, I noticed that there was a late fee of $39.00. I knew I paid the bill so I went through my documentation, saw the error I made and called them up to see if I could get it fixed seeing as I have been a good boy and haven't had a late payment in about four years.
The person I spoke to was nice enough and when I gave her the story she ran off to talk to her supervisor about crediting the late fee. She came back and offered me a one time credit, which I was hoping for. I agreed and she began typing.
Then she said, "Oh, you have a promotional balance transfer."
Six months ago, Kroger had a 3.99% forever transfer deal. I ate that up and shifted some debt from another card on to our empty Kroger Card.
"Why does it matter if we have a promotional balance transfer."
She eeked, "Because that rate might be raised." I didn't ask to what, but I assume it is the default 23432.99%. So I calmly replied, "No. I don't want the higher rate." She said, "No one customer wants the higher rate." Then I replied, then don't raise it." She explained, "I cannot do anything about the rate." Then I gave her the, "Let me talk to your boss." She said, "My boss will not be able to do anything about it." And then I explained using a method I call shouting, "Let me talk to your boss."
She was gone for 2 -3 minutes and then came back on to introduce me to her boss.
Boss said that the rate might go up. I said make it not go up. She said she could do nothing. I said, "Yes you can." She said no.
I canceled the card.
Now I'm wondering where in the paperwork it says that canceling the card means giving up my house and kids.
I would also like to take the time to express that @OSUFanMike is a douche bag.
The person I spoke to was nice enough and when I gave her the story she ran off to talk to her supervisor about crediting the late fee. She came back and offered me a one time credit, which I was hoping for. I agreed and she began typing.
Then she said, "Oh, you have a promotional balance transfer."
Six months ago, Kroger had a 3.99% forever transfer deal. I ate that up and shifted some debt from another card on to our empty Kroger Card.
"Why does it matter if we have a promotional balance transfer."
She eeked, "Because that rate might be raised." I didn't ask to what, but I assume it is the default 23432.99%. So I calmly replied, "No. I don't want the higher rate." She said, "No one customer wants the higher rate." Then I replied, then don't raise it." She explained, "I cannot do anything about the rate." Then I gave her the, "Let me talk to your boss." She said, "My boss will not be able to do anything about it." And then I explained using a method I call shouting, "Let me talk to your boss."
She was gone for 2 -3 minutes and then came back on to introduce me to her boss.
Boss said that the rate might go up. I said make it not go up. She said she could do nothing. I said, "Yes you can." She said no.
I canceled the card.
Now I'm wondering where in the paperwork it says that canceling the card means giving up my house and kids.
I would also like to take the time to express that @OSUFanMike is a douche bag.
God has determined that your life is worth $1,093.09 per day
In 1987, Oral Roberts announced that if he did not raise 8 million dollars by March 1st, 1987, god would “call him home” or die as you and I might phrase it.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Reflection Fail
My buddy Smail caught this reflection fail in a Macy's elevator in Louisiana.
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Your Own Kung-Fu Script
Do you like King-Fu movies? Sure, we all do!
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Ohio Court Pays $2,500 a Day for Black Man to have White Man Make-up
LANCASTER OH (HJ) – Trevor R. Smoot, 38, was picked up for attempted burglary on October 21st. Before his appearance at the Fairfield County Courthouse, his defense attorney demanded that Smoot be given an opportunity for a completely fair trial in front of an all white jury. To this end, the lawyer requested that Smoot, a black man, be allowed to wear make-up that made him look like a white man. The court reluctantly agreed, but found itself in a bit of a legal loophole that requires the court to pay for any necessary accommodations for “mei capilli sunt flagrantes” or fair trial without cost.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
What else can you trim?
My favorite beauty medicine doctor had another great (horrific) ad in the local free paper:
I thought that perhaps there could be something trimmed around the holidays besides the tree, so I fixed the ad for her:
Honed for the holidays!
But now I'm kinda grossed out by what the white specks could be.
I thought that perhaps there could be something trimmed around the holidays besides the tree, so I fixed the ad for her:
Honed for the holidays!
But now I'm kinda grossed out by what the white specks could be.
Thanks for the Discount
Dave, his two brothers and I went in together to give money to a charity. I paid on my credit card and all but one of those jerks has paid up. Here is a close up of the check for $37.50 that Dave sent me.
Poor Guy Was Just Looking For An Opinion
Well, at least he didn't have to go too far for his booking.
Cody Fucked Up
A girl at work receives the Despair Inc catalog at work. They've got some fun products.
She showed me the back of the catalog today. Big address sticker at the top covering a photo and the usual address area at the bottom had text in it.
Looks like Cody fucked up.
She showed me the back of the catalog today. Big address sticker at the top covering a photo and the usual address area at the bottom had text in it.
Looks like Cody fucked up.
Greg Learned How to Write
You might remember my "Stay Out Daddy" post where I tricked Greg into turning his requested door sign into something else.
Well, Greg has learned to spell. Here is his newest sign:
And a scan...
The gist of the sign is that you have to pay to get into his room. There are varied charges based on some level of Evil scale which I still have not figured out.
Smart kid.
Well, Greg has learned to spell. Here is his newest sign:
And a scan...
The gist of the sign is that you have to pay to get into his room. There are varied charges based on some level of Evil scale which I still have not figured out.
Smart kid.
My Beef with Van de Kamp's Fish
We bought this box of 10 Van de Kamp's Crispy Fish Fillets.
What's nice about this package of frozen fish parts is that they come individually wrapped in pairs so that you do not throw 2/5th of the box back in the freezer and have to deal with freezer burn and malicious odors.
Except they do not come in pairs. All the frozen fish corpses were stuck in the same plastic bag with no high tech way of sealing back up. The package clearly shows a pair in a bag. I assumed there would be five bags of two.
So I cooked the whole fucking box.
And I almost fell prey to the oldest cooking instructions trick in the book...
Remember to always read all the instructions before cooking. I usually go step by step which would be to bake uncovered for 28 - 30 minutes. Then I would see the "flip" instruction. These instructions should read "Cook 14 minutes. Turn. Cook for 14 - 20 more minutes, dumbass."
What's nice about this package of frozen fish parts is that they come individually wrapped in pairs so that you do not throw 2/5th of the box back in the freezer and have to deal with freezer burn and malicious odors.
Except they do not come in pairs. All the frozen fish corpses were stuck in the same plastic bag with no high tech way of sealing back up. The package clearly shows a pair in a bag. I assumed there would be five bags of two.
So I cooked the whole fucking box.
And I almost fell prey to the oldest cooking instructions trick in the book...
Remember to always read all the instructions before cooking. I usually go step by step which would be to bake uncovered for 28 - 30 minutes. Then I would see the "flip" instruction. These instructions should read "Cook 14 minutes. Turn. Cook for 14 - 20 more minutes, dumbass."
This Is My Suitcase’s “The Keys To Cat Heaven”
Once again I find myself reviewing music when I have no cognitive capacitance to do such things. Here I go:
I downloaded This Is My Suitcase’s “The Keys To Cat Heaven” and it pretty much rocks. I love this stuff. It is an extremely light album with no heavy bullshit. Interesting lyrics. Musically complex with simplistic instruments.
I’m sure they will kick my ass when I suggest that their music stylings are like bit like an angsty Tiny Tim meets a pre-pubescent Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s with a cat on a Möbius strip leash. Of course, I’ve seen the lead singer at a few shows and he isn’t going to kick anyone’s ass though the guitarist is a big dude and might pummel the likes of me for kicks.
All I know is that when I listen to the album it makes me happy. Dead fish and all.
Check ‘um out at http://www.myspace.com/thisismysuitcase
Buy an album here
@suitcaseband
Facebook
I downloaded This Is My Suitcase’s “The Keys To Cat Heaven” and it pretty much rocks. I love this stuff. It is an extremely light album with no heavy bullshit. Interesting lyrics. Musically complex with simplistic instruments.
I’m sure they will kick my ass when I suggest that their music stylings are like bit like an angsty Tiny Tim meets a pre-pubescent Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s with a cat on a Möbius strip leash. Of course, I’ve seen the lead singer at a few shows and he isn’t going to kick anyone’s ass though the guitarist is a big dude and might pummel the likes of me for kicks.
All I know is that when I listen to the album it makes me happy. Dead fish and all.
Check ‘um out at http://www.myspace.com/thisismysuitcase
Buy an album here
@suitcaseband
Vampire Test T-shirt
Are you a vampire? Curious? This helpful t-shirt can determine whether you are a vampire or not!
Click on the photo to buy it from Skreened.com!
Click on the photo to buy it from Skreened.com!
Google Wave for an Ask HolyJuan
Are you interested in a Google Wave invite?
Send me a good "Ask HolyJuan" questions and I will send one off to you.
I've got five invites, so the first five questions I accept will get the invites.
Thanks for playing.
holyjuan@gmail.com
Send me a good "Ask HolyJuan" questions and I will send one off to you.
I've got five invites, so the first five questions I accept will get the invites.
Thanks for playing.
holyjuan@gmail.com
Local Church to Hand out Hams
COLUMBUS OH (HJ) – For a few of central Ohio’s needy, the holidays will be a little bit less hungry. Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” will be handing out over 200 hams to those who are in need. Food hand outs started back in 2005 when Pastor Phelps took over for the ailing Pastor Riffic. Pastor Phelps recalled, “We had about 50 people come to the church when we were handing out turkeys. Since then, the demand has grown and we are pleased to serve our Christian community.”
The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”
Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.
The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”
Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.
Pathetic Attempt at Political Graffiti
The message might be dead on, but I do not know what the message is supposed to be.
Large Hadron Collider Warning Sign Translation
In Boston.com there was a beautiful photo spread of the Large Hadron Collider.
One of the photos looked like this:
(Maximilien Brice; Claudia Marcelloni, © CERN)
There is a curious sign at the top of the tunnel that looks like this:
In the article they say, "The sign at top warns of the presence of helium, argon and/or nitrogen in nearby pipes - gases that (if they leaked out) could displace oxygen and cause unconsciousness."
But I think it means the following:
One of the photos looked like this:
(Maximilien Brice; Claudia Marcelloni, © CERN)
There is a curious sign at the top of the tunnel that looks like this:
In the article they say, "The sign at top warns of the presence of helium, argon and/or nitrogen in nearby pipes - gases that (if they leaked out) could displace oxygen and cause unconsciousness."
But I think it means the following:
Twitter takes care of that pesky Jesus question
I was trying to be funny when I wrote the following on Twitter concerning @Allah and @Jesus.
I then thought that maybe I should check to see if @Jesus even exists. When you click on his name, this is what you get:
I guess that answers that!
I then thought that maybe I should check to see if @Jesus even exists. When you click on his name, this is what you get:
I guess that answers that!
What to do with $15,000 stolen tax dollars
1. Buy a $15,000 car.
2. Pay lawyer to fight my case against IRS
3. $14,950 worth of ones and use the left over $50 to buy a one dollar bill folding machine
4. $7,500 of vinegar and $7,500 worth of baking soda
5. Buy 517 copies of Sarah Palin's book and use the leftover $12.17 for gasoline and matches
6. Buy a 60 ton Swedish Fish
7. Get 15,000 40oz-ers and make 5000 bums happy for the night
8. Invest in a better website designer. Possibly hire a real writer.
9. Get someone to do P-Dub's homework
10. Pay off credit card, pay off mini van, and use the left over $50 to buy TurboTax 2009.
2. Pay lawyer to fight my case against IRS
3. $14,950 worth of ones and use the left over $50 to buy a one dollar bill folding machine
4. $7,500 of vinegar and $7,500 worth of baking soda
5. Buy 517 copies of Sarah Palin's book and use the leftover $12.17 for gasoline and matches
6. Buy a 60 ton Swedish Fish
7. Get 15,000 40oz-ers and make 5000 bums happy for the night
8. Invest in a better website designer. Possibly hire a real writer.
9. Get someone to do P-Dub's homework
10. Pay off credit card, pay off mini van, and use the left over $50 to buy TurboTax 2009.
Board Game Conundrums
No one is really sorry in Sorry!
You can't use the word Scrabble in Scrabble
There are really no monopolies in Monopoly
The Game of Life lacks any death
All the checkers are separated in Connect Four
There is no real candy in Candy Land
Brainstorm is actually well planned out
No one gets in trouble in Trouble
The whole concept behind Don’t Break the Ice is to break the ice
Risk is one army vs twenty; no one ever risks in Risk
Can you think of any more? (Sorry, I had to turn off comments due to spamming.)
You can't use the word Scrabble in Scrabble
There are really no monopolies in Monopoly
The Game of Life lacks any death
All the checkers are separated in Connect Four
There is no real candy in Candy Land
Brainstorm is actually well planned out
No one gets in trouble in Trouble
The whole concept behind Don’t Break the Ice is to break the ice
Risk is one army vs twenty; no one ever risks in Risk
Can you think of any more? (Sorry, I had to turn off comments due to spamming.)
Palin Waves Off Presidential Bid in 2012, Instead Aims at Running for Vice President
COLUMBUS OH (HJ) - Sarah Palin announced today from her book signing tour that she will not be seeking the Presidential bid in 2012. “Instead I will be refocused on the path that Americans if they will allow me to run for the office of the Vice President.” Upon hearing the statement, the wall to wall Columbus, Ohio crowd erupted, chanting, “Veep! Veep! Veep! Veep!”
Palin’s logic was very interesting, “I plan on hitting all those Primaries states, but in the opposite order of the Presidential Primaries so as not to be in the Primaries with the others who are in the Primaries for the occupation that is the Presidential Primary.” When asked about a preference as to which possible President she would like to serve under, she laughed, “We all know that doesn’t matter as long as I can accomplish that of which the American people hire me for; to get the job done!”
When it was mentioned that the President and Vice-President are elected together and not separately, Palin gave us a smile and said, “You know, those career politicians in Washington DC might want to trick the American people into voting how they want them to vote. That sounds a lot like Hitler’s Germany to me.”
Palin’s supporters rallied behind her decision. Don Beardee of Columbus was pleased, “I know Sarah will make a great American Vice-President no matter what President she serves under. What she lacks in debating, she make up for in character.” We played along and asked Sarah about the possibility of Obama getting re-elected in 2012 and Palin getting elected as Vice-President and having to serve under him. She smiled and said, “That possibility is a possibility and I have to take it under consideration as to my words with him and actions when international laws are broken and my feelings about dithering in Afghanistan and our brave soldiers needing patriotic support with the gotcha media and policy of really wanting to get those jobs so it is a possible possibility as I mentioned before. GO AMERICA!”
Palin’s logic was very interesting, “I plan on hitting all those Primaries states, but in the opposite order of the Presidential Primaries so as not to be in the Primaries with the others who are in the Primaries for the occupation that is the Presidential Primary.” When asked about a preference as to which possible President she would like to serve under, she laughed, “We all know that doesn’t matter as long as I can accomplish that of which the American people hire me for; to get the job done!”
When it was mentioned that the President and Vice-President are elected together and not separately, Palin gave us a smile and said, “You know, those career politicians in Washington DC might want to trick the American people into voting how they want them to vote. That sounds a lot like Hitler’s Germany to me.”
Palin’s supporters rallied behind her decision. Don Beardee of Columbus was pleased, “I know Sarah will make a great American Vice-President no matter what President she serves under. What she lacks in debating, she make up for in character.” We played along and asked Sarah about the possibility of Obama getting re-elected in 2012 and Palin getting elected as Vice-President and having to serve under him. She smiled and said, “That possibility is a possibility and I have to take it under consideration as to my words with him and actions when international laws are broken and my feelings about dithering in Afghanistan and our brave soldiers needing patriotic support with the gotcha media and policy of really wanting to get those jobs so it is a possible possibility as I mentioned before. GO AMERICA!”
Erik Eats: Milk Drink
When Erik is thirsty, Erik reaches for a Milk Drink.
Milk Drink
A Hot-Kid Milk Drink.
Here is Hot-Kid with his rosy cheeks and crazy hair, similar to all Asian kids. I guess if you drink enough Milk Drink, that happens to you.
Erik opens
And smells
And smells again
And again.
He drinks…..
AND IS MAGICALLY TURNED INTO HOT-KID!
HOT-KID!!
Hot-Kid likes Milk Drink!
Next Week on Erik Eats: Lament of the Yeast and Coconut Liquid Delight Container Water
Milk Drink
A Hot-Kid Milk Drink.
Here is Hot-Kid with his rosy cheeks and crazy hair, similar to all Asian kids. I guess if you drink enough Milk Drink, that happens to you.
Erik opens
And smells
And smells again
And again.
He drinks…..
AND IS MAGICALLY TURNED INTO HOT-KID!
HOT-KID!!
Hot-Kid likes Milk Drink!
Next Week on Erik Eats: Lament of the Yeast and Coconut Liquid Delight Container Water
The Intern Does Exactly What He Is Told
The Intern is long gone, but his legacy lives on.
We have a cupboard full of samples and someone sorted them out into several, unlabeled Tupperware bins. I thought this would be a wonderful activity for the intern to sift through the boxes and summarize what was in them on labels.
This is exactly what I told him to do, "Look in each bin and figure out what the samples are. Then label the bins on the top, front and back with the contents."
And this is what he did.
I think he did exactly what he was told.
We have a cupboard full of samples and someone sorted them out into several, unlabeled Tupperware bins. I thought this would be a wonderful activity for the intern to sift through the boxes and summarize what was in them on labels.
This is exactly what I told him to do, "Look in each bin and figure out what the samples are. Then label the bins on the top, front and back with the contents."
And this is what he did.
I think he did exactly what he was told.
Hometown Anonymous Survey, If It's Your Birthday
My hometown of Westerville is asking residents to take a survey about city services. Postcards were sent in the mail to help residents get to the survey website.
Here's a scan of the survey:
My initial thought was that they might track me down if I said some awful things about the city. (I really don't have any thing bad to say. Westerville is an great place to live with excellent city services.) Luckily, they included this disclaimer about anonymity:
That's great! They will not track my responses with some type of household identification number. And then I read down a few lines of the instructions:
Nice. I really assume that they are not using this number to track residents, but rather the areas of town or perhaps to only allow one survey per household. But they probably should have called that number something a little different.
The best part of the instructions comes a few lines later when they try to explain that this is a household survey and that only one member of the household should answer the online questions. For the couple that can't get their shit together and decide who should fill out the survey, they provide a marriage counseling solution:
This is how custody battles should be resolved in court.
Here's a scan of the survey:
My initial thought was that they might track me down if I said some awful things about the city. (I really don't have any thing bad to say. Westerville is an great place to live with excellent city services.) Luckily, they included this disclaimer about anonymity:
That's great! They will not track my responses with some type of household identification number. And then I read down a few lines of the instructions:
Nice. I really assume that they are not using this number to track residents, but rather the areas of town or perhaps to only allow one survey per household. But they probably should have called that number something a little different.
The best part of the instructions comes a few lines later when they try to explain that this is a household survey and that only one member of the household should answer the online questions. For the couple that can't get their shit together and decide who should fill out the survey, they provide a marriage counseling solution:
This is how custody battles should be resolved in court.
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