Showing posts with label palin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label palin. Show all posts

Sarah Palin Begins to Interview Potential Presidential Candidates to Run with in 2012

COLUMBUS (HJ) - Many guessed that Ex-Governor Sarah Palin would run in 2012, but all that was speculation until today. Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will begin her Vice Presidential run for the White House in 2012 by interviewing prospective Presidential running mates. Mrs. Palin stated in her press conference, “The American voting heroes are demanding new change and I plan to bring that new change as a person running for the position of Vice President. I am interviewing some of the best and brightest people that proud flag hanging over this great land of ours for the President job.”

In this daring move, Sarah Palin plans on running as Vice President and she wishes to do so with the best potential Presidential candidate possible. “Freedom loving Americans want freedom to love in America and I plan on being the vice candidate that stands next to the candidate that can do that thing.” She will personally interview and question each potential Presidential candidate.

While the list of potential running mates is a secret, we were given a peek at the interview questions when we dug through the trash dumpster of the hotel where the press conference took place. On the crumpled pages, some of the more serious questions included: “What is your foreign policy?” and “What role do you think you will have in my administration?” Other questions towards the bottom of the list were, “What newspapers do you read?” and “Who is your favorite G.I. Joe character? (If they say Destro they are pre-fired.”)

This is the first time in American history where a person has decided to run for Vice President and not first seek the office of the President. We attempted to ask Sarah Palin about this strategic move, but we had not sent this question 48 hours in advance to her Strategic Media Force, so we were unable to get an answer.

A Page from Sarah Palin's Rider

Sarah Palin's top secret rider was recently found in a trash can outside of California State University Stanislaus. A rider is part of a contract that specifies all the demands of a client. Here is a page from that rider:


Palin Plans Pregnancy for 2012 Presidential Run

ANCHORAGE, AK (HJ) - Sources say that Sarah Palin has a major trick up her sleeve for her 2012 Presidential run, though the sleeve isn’t exactly where this trick is up. Insiders close to Palin say that not only is she going to run in the 2012 race for President, but that she will also plan a pregnancy to coincide with the race and to have pregnancy milestones occur during key points in the process.

Our sources have confirmed that the Palin 2012 team has come up with the following “no way can we lose this one” schedule:
Conception: December 31, 2011 (some kind of tax dodge)

Announcement of Pregnancy: January 15th, 2012 (right before the first Republican primary)

First Ultrasound (BONUS: revealing of “Jesus Face Shadow” in the image): February 6th (the day before Super Tuesday)

Revelation That Doctors Say She Should Abort for Health Reasons and She Says NO!: March 15th (The middle of the Primaries)

Sex of the Child Revealed… Surprise! It’s Twins: May 8th (the last of the Republican debates and final votes needed for Primary win)

Names of the Children Released: September 11th (Naming the boy Freedom Chief and the girl Tower1 Tower2)

Blurry Photo of Palin’s Distended Belly Released: September 24th (Day before 1st Presidential Debate- debate is called off because of media hype)

Birth of the Twins: October 14th (The day of the scheduled 2nd debate – debate is called off)

Three Weeks of Seclusion: October 15th though November 4th (During this time, Palin only responds to Twitter and FOX News interviews.)

First Appearance with Children in Public: November 5th (The day before the election. She announces that one child has a Brain Cloud and the other is African American.)

When we questioned how the Palin's Election Team would hit all these milestone on the date specified, the source only offered up that many of these would be planned in advance and that the necessary arrangements would be made to induce the results needed. When asked about the rigors of pregnancy and the campaign trail, the source laughed and explained that Palin would not actually be pregnant, but rather she would have a surrogate carry the children and she would wear the appropriate costume to fake pregnancy. We questioned if Palin could actually pull off faking a pregnancy and the source smiled and said, “Yeah, she’s pretty good at it.”

Sarah Palin will be remembered for ions to come

Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the next President of the United States on Twitter:

Scientific advice from someone who doesn't know ions from eons.