Local Church to Hand out Hams

COLUMBUS OH (HJ) – For a few of central Ohio’s needy, the holidays will be a little bit less hungry. Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” will be handing out over 200 hams to those who are in need. Food hand outs started back in 2005 when Pastor Phelps took over for the ailing Pastor Riffic. Pastor Phelps recalled, “We had about 50 people come to the church when we were handing out turkeys. Since then, the demand has grown and we are pleased to serve our Christian community.”

The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”

Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.


Anonymous said...

Yep, that's generous all right. Let those damn Jews and Muslims starve, that'll learn'm.

What a class act.

Anonymous said...

i particularly enjoy his jaunty tone when he says he'l feed the godless yet thinks jews and muslims should go hungry. maybe this year hang a sign at the door saying "please do not feed the darkies"

way to teach love and tolerance you ignorant fuckwit

Anonymous said...

This sounds like it could be a "downright fabrication," as your blog title says. Can you offer verification of this?

HolyJuan said...

Yes, I can verify that the top of my website does indeed say "downright fabrication."

Anything else?

Conny said...

Holy shit people, lighten up. There's a thing called satire that apparently you're missing.

Unknown said...

Pastor Riffic should have tipped y'all off.