Ask HolyJuan: Movie Food

Dear Holy Juan~

Since we have lately been on the topic of food, I am curious as to which food is the best to purchase at movie theatres. They have Dots, they have Junior Mints, they have Red Vines, and a plethora of other odd food items. My closest friend tells me that Junior Mints are popular because people want to have fresh breath after the movie so they can get laid.

I eagerly await your wisdom on this topic.


Dear ~Marcie,

The correct answer is Swedish Fish.

And you do not need fresh breath if you are getting a blow job (the sex act of choice for the movie theatre) or if you are giving one, mints make for a “OH MY GOD MY DICK IS BURNING!!” which when uttered in the theatre, sometimes causes a fuss.

I hope this helps!

Your friend,



Anonymous said...

Oh Holy Juan, once again you have saved the day. Many thanks!

Anonymous said...

Great gummy candy....or greatEST!?

HolyJuan said...

Swedish Fish are the perfect food. Manna used to have Swedish Fish bits in it, but people would just pick out the Swedish Fish and throw out the rest.