I am from Columbus

Don’t do it. You always do. I did too, but as of today, I am quitting.

Columbus is a big boy now. Bigger and better than Cleveland or Cincinnati (no offense.) Our pro teams might suck and we all might be a little over the top for Ohio State, but Columbus has a lot of character and we’ve made a name for ourselves as a growing technology Mecca. We’ve got awesome restaurants, an interesting art community, fantastic museums and CD 101, one of the best radio stations in the country.

So why is it that most of you (including me) feel like you have to say Ohio right after you say Columbus? No one says Los Angeles, California unless they are the governor of said state or New York, New York unless they are singing. Columbus is a city unto itself and needs no additional explanation. If you are from Springfield, you might want to tack on an OH afterward. If you are from Lancaster, you’ll get blank stares until you elaborate with the state. By my count, there are 18 other Columbuses in the United States and none of them even come close to being as profound as Columbus.

From this point on, Columbus is Columbus. If the person you are speaking with asks “which Columbus?” you should curtly reply with one of the following suggested phrases:

- Is there another Columbus?
- You are kidding, right?
- Don’t even say you think I’m talking about Columbus, New Jersey
- Christopher Columbus, jerky
- (stare at them until they walk away or if it is over the phone, let out an extended “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh,” until they hang up)

The only way this will work is if we all stand up and make our voices (or lack of voice) be heard (or not heard when choosing not to say Ohio.) Where are you from? Columbus!

I am from Columbus. And now, so are you.

5 comments:

DogsDontPurr said...

Geography can be so confusing. I'm from L.A., but I have an internet friend from LA. For the longest time, I thought she was from Los Angeles, and she thought I was from Louisiana. But really it was the other way around. Erf!

Doug said...

Wait, I thought you were from Louisiana.

Oh! Now it all makes sense!!

DogsDontPurr said...

Ha!

angelfantabulous said...

I moved here from Columbia, Missouri, so I rarely even use "Columbus"...in fact, I do the opposite of what you're advocating here: I just say "Ohio"...otherwise, I get tongue-tied with the -umbus and the -umbia.

(Perhaps I bailed out too early on that speech therapy so many years ago?)

Doug said...

You are kidding, right?