Is it gay if…

During my normal day, I question myself six or seven time as to if something I am about to do is gay or not gay. So that you do not have to go through the trouble of deciding what is gay and what is not gay, I have built this convenient database. If you have questions about whether something is gay, drop me a comment or send an e-mail to holyjuan@gmail.com I’ll answer your query and include it in the database.

Is it gay if I get a handjob from a straight guy?
That is gay. Completely. Why did you even have to ask?

Is it gay if I am a guy and I like to wear dresses?
That is not gay if you wear it for comfort. Dresses can be light and comfortable if you happen to find them in your size. Now, if you like to wear dresses because they are pretty, that is gay.

Is it gay if I masturbate to dinosaur coloring books?
That is not gay and perfectly normal, both with colored and uncolored books.

Is it gay if I get a blowjob from a male ghost?
That is not gay. Believing in ghosts is gay. Sex from a ghost is not.

Is it gay if I sometimes bone up when playing the drums?
It is gay if you do not get a boner while playing the drums.

Is it gay if I listen to Depeche Mode?
That is not gay, only because Depeche Mode is so far down on the gay spectrum that it loops around to the not gay side.

Is this post gay?
This post is gay if I am to believe the fine readers at reddit.com.