English words that cannot be translated into another language

I just finished watching a film where the cool, foreign guy causes the American chick to swoon simply by dropping a few words on her that cannot be translated into English. I then thought to myself, on my next trip overseas, what words can I use to charm the armpit-haired girls to get them in the sack?

Behold, a list of English words and phrases that have no translation overseas or in French Canada.

Misunderestimate
Thank goodness for the previous administration’s eight years of adding seemingly American words to our dialect. I dare you to find “decider” in a French dictionary or the Hungarian word for “strategery.” Many a Mexican immigrant has gotten into fist fights with their second language teacher over the pronunciation of "nucular" that they heard on the televisiĆ³n.

Blow Job
Sure, there are translations in every language for the greatest gift a woman can give a man, but nothing literal; after all, only Americans would say “blow” when they really mean "suck" and “job” when they mean “can I have this one for free?”

Pillow Talk
In France, guys leave after sex. In Slovakia, they pull up their britches and head outside to trim the hedge. Only in America will you find guys chit-chatting after sex. The funny part is trying to translate this concept into a foreign language: “The after-sex speak, during which time the man lies about love, and the woman lies about orgasm.”

Tidal Wave
I’ve run into way too many high-and-mighty people who frown upon the American word “Tidal Wave.” When Indonesia was decimated a few years back, I was chastised for saying “tidal wave.” When a high-and-mighty says, “A Tsunami struck!” ask them, “What is a tsunami?” and watch as they look around before whispering, “A tsunami is a tidal wave.”

Taint
No one but Americans would have a name for the area of the body that ain’t the balls and ain’t the ass.

Chode
No one, save the Americans, would have a second word for the word taint.

Redneck
Other countries are small, and so they can only make fun of other countries. The United States is too damn big, and we like to pick on the people in our sister states, or, as it were with this definition, our sister and wife states.

Pocketbook
Just what the hell is a pocketbook? You’ll never know if you speak another language. Turns out it’s a satchel for carrying around your most important woman stuff. It’s not a book and it’s not small enough to fit into anyone’s pocket. In other languages you can roughly translate it to, “Over the shoulder satchel used to hide everything you want, but nothing you need.”

Pocket Pussy
Staying with the theme, here… Have you ever seen one of these cure-alls for the lonely man? Well, it doesn’t look like pocket, it won’t fit in a pocket and it certainly won’t hold your car keys. As for the pussy… I’m not sure. If this were to translate literally, you’d have a wave of Japanese men ordering “dirtied” Levis off the internet and then banging them. Oh, I guess we already do.

11 comments:

Jack Weber said...

Well, tidal wave--what other kinds of waves are there, really? It should be a nonsense descriptor, but we've somehow given it meaning.

And "pocketbook" is regional--the first time my mother heard that (she'd lived in Toronto, Cocoa Beach, and London--England, not Ontario--most of her life, and we'd just moved to North Carolina), she thought the lady was talking about books. That's an English-English translation problem.

Anonymous said...

radiowave? microwave?

Anonymous said...

tidal = from the pull of the moon, no?

Jack Alexander said...

After I stopped laughing-no, that isn't it...still laughing...posted to Reddit.

Anonymous said...

by the way dickface, chode is not another word for taint. a "chode" is a dick that is wider than it is long (much like a tuna can). get your facts straight douchebag before you post crap on the internet because we all know that everything you read on the internet is real.

Doug said...

That definition of chode is very underused, prick. As you probably grew up hearing the word a lot, I'm sure you are offended that most of us use the widely accepted version of the term for the perineum.

Yeah, get out your dictionary, asshole.

Anonymous said...

Well, I never heard of a chord or taint. Kind of wish I did not know. Who makes this crap up?

By the way, Juan, happy belated birthday. I hope you don't have a tuna can-like Penis/Chord.

Anonymous said...

Correction. I meant to say Chode. (A chode? That is messed up.)

Anonymous said...

Sooooooooooo...I learned a new word...and then I read the comments and learned another.
Wow...Stellar day thanks to Holy Juan.

J said...

Yeah, I have to agree that your definition of chode is not what I've heard before. It's unlikely, but possible that it could have a 2nd lesser-known definition and you'd be right. I think you should put up pictures of each and we can vote as to which looks more like a "chode".

Anonymous said...

Were all of you douche bags banned from google?

It has been used to refer to either one with the taint as the "lesser-known" definition.