She Asked HolyJuan
Here is non-photoshopped, visual proof that I have one fan who is actually willing to show her face!
Feel free to Ask HolyJuan yourself by e-mailing me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
Feel free to Ask HolyJuan yourself by e-mailing me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
Sarah Palin will be remembered for ions to come
Here, ladies and gentlemen, is the next President of the United States on Twitter:
Scientific advice from someone who doesn't know ions from eons.
Scientific advice from someone who doesn't know ions from eons.
The Bet is Over
The No More Snow in 2009 Bet is over and I was incorrect.
I've always said that you can make 100 insane predictions and if only one of them comes true, people will forget the failed ones and call you a oracle and buy any book you print.
Back in February of 2009, I predicted that Columbus, OH would not receive any more snow in 2009. This was mainly brought on by a couple of future casts that predicted six feet of snow two weeks out.
Though the end of February and then March we didn't get any snow. Towards the end of April we had some flurries, but nothing else. Summer came and then Fall. While other places around the states got early snow, Columbus remained shielded with a dome of positive thoughts and impossible odds.
Right at the end of November, I shared this bet with my local weatherman. He replied:
But then the weeks started to go by. The snow Jym predicted in the first week never materialized. And by the second week, the future cast looked clear. On Wednesday of this week, they predicted flurries for the weekend. Then by Thursday that was updated to snow. And more snow.
Last night as we drove back from Erik's house, the first hint of snow began to fall and those little tiny flakes crushed my Nostradamus aspirations. This morning there is a carpet of way more than 1/4" inch of snow on the ground and the bet is off.
Please check by again in the first week of January for my predictions of 2010. For those interested, here are the links to my predictions from 2007 and 2008:
2007 Predictions
2008 Predictions
I've always said that you can make 100 insane predictions and if only one of them comes true, people will forget the failed ones and call you a oracle and buy any book you print.
Back in February of 2009, I predicted that Columbus, OH would not receive any more snow in 2009. This was mainly brought on by a couple of future casts that predicted six feet of snow two weeks out.
Though the end of February and then March we didn't get any snow. Towards the end of April we had some flurries, but nothing else. Summer came and then Fall. While other places around the states got early snow, Columbus remained shielded with a dome of positive thoughts and impossible odds.
Right at the end of November, I shared this bet with my local weatherman. He replied:
But then the weeks started to go by. The snow Jym predicted in the first week never materialized. And by the second week, the future cast looked clear. On Wednesday of this week, they predicted flurries for the weekend. Then by Thursday that was updated to snow. And more snow.
Last night as we drove back from Erik's house, the first hint of snow began to fall and those little tiny flakes crushed my Nostradamus aspirations. This morning there is a carpet of way more than 1/4" inch of snow on the ground and the bet is off.
Please check by again in the first week of January for my predictions of 2010. For those interested, here are the links to my predictions from 2007 and 2008:
2007 Predictions
2008 Predictions
Goodbye Kroger Personal Finance
I fucked up. In my last online payment last month, I paid my Kroger Credit for the future date of 12/30/09 instead of 11/30/09. When the paper bill came in the mail, I noticed that there was a late fee of $39.00. I knew I paid the bill so I went through my documentation, saw the error I made and called them up to see if I could get it fixed seeing as I have been a good boy and haven't had a late payment in about four years.
The person I spoke to was nice enough and when I gave her the story she ran off to talk to her supervisor about crediting the late fee. She came back and offered me a one time credit, which I was hoping for. I agreed and she began typing.
Then she said, "Oh, you have a promotional balance transfer."
Six months ago, Kroger had a 3.99% forever transfer deal. I ate that up and shifted some debt from another card on to our empty Kroger Card.
"Why does it matter if we have a promotional balance transfer."
She eeked, "Because that rate might be raised." I didn't ask to what, but I assume it is the default 23432.99%. So I calmly replied, "No. I don't want the higher rate." She said, "No one customer wants the higher rate." Then I replied, then don't raise it." She explained, "I cannot do anything about the rate." Then I gave her the, "Let me talk to your boss." She said, "My boss will not be able to do anything about it." And then I explained using a method I call shouting, "Let me talk to your boss."
She was gone for 2 -3 minutes and then came back on to introduce me to her boss.
Boss said that the rate might go up. I said make it not go up. She said she could do nothing. I said, "Yes you can." She said no.
I canceled the card.
Now I'm wondering where in the paperwork it says that canceling the card means giving up my house and kids.
I would also like to take the time to express that @OSUFanMike is a douche bag.
The person I spoke to was nice enough and when I gave her the story she ran off to talk to her supervisor about crediting the late fee. She came back and offered me a one time credit, which I was hoping for. I agreed and she began typing.
Then she said, "Oh, you have a promotional balance transfer."
Six months ago, Kroger had a 3.99% forever transfer deal. I ate that up and shifted some debt from another card on to our empty Kroger Card.
"Why does it matter if we have a promotional balance transfer."
She eeked, "Because that rate might be raised." I didn't ask to what, but I assume it is the default 23432.99%. So I calmly replied, "No. I don't want the higher rate." She said, "No one customer wants the higher rate." Then I replied, then don't raise it." She explained, "I cannot do anything about the rate." Then I gave her the, "Let me talk to your boss." She said, "My boss will not be able to do anything about it." And then I explained using a method I call shouting, "Let me talk to your boss."
She was gone for 2 -3 minutes and then came back on to introduce me to her boss.
Boss said that the rate might go up. I said make it not go up. She said she could do nothing. I said, "Yes you can." She said no.
I canceled the card.
Now I'm wondering where in the paperwork it says that canceling the card means giving up my house and kids.
I would also like to take the time to express that @OSUFanMike is a douche bag.
God has determined that your life is worth $1,093.09 per day
In 1987, Oral Roberts announced that if he did not raise 8 million dollars by March 1st, 1987, god would “call him home” or die as you and I might phrase it.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Reflection Fail
My buddy Smail caught this reflection fail in a Macy's elevator in Louisiana.
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Your Own Kung-Fu Script
Do you like King-Fu movies? Sure, we all do!
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Ohio Court Pays $2,500 a Day for Black Man to have White Man Make-up
LANCASTER OH (HJ) – Trevor R. Smoot, 38, was picked up for attempted burglary on October 21st. Before his appearance at the Fairfield County Courthouse, his defense attorney demanded that Smoot be given an opportunity for a completely fair trial in front of an all white jury. To this end, the lawyer requested that Smoot, a black man, be allowed to wear make-up that made him look like a white man. The court reluctantly agreed, but found itself in a bit of a legal loophole that requires the court to pay for any necessary accommodations for “mei capilli sunt flagrantes” or fair trial without cost.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
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