The Known Universe and Muse
Someone set "The Known Universe" video to music from Muse. Greg drew this picture right after watching it. I like the flag on the moon.
Shouldn't there be a rule against this kind of thing?
My buddy Kevin saw this at a Columbus Chipotle store. I assume Chipotle's employees eating free food on the job policy is pretty strict.
Buy.com delivers a black pen
I ordered a twelve pack of markers from Buy.com through Amazon. Actually I think I stole them from Buy.com because they were really expensive oil based markers and they were selling them for less than $.50 each.
When the package showed up, I was amazed that they would ship a pack of 12 markers in such a large box.
What's this?
One pen?
The paperwork seemed to say that this was it. One pen. A few e-mails later I worked it out with Buy.com. They had a miscommunication with Amazon and listed the wrong item. Buy.com refunded the cost of the pen and I didn't have to ship it back to them in their outrageously huge box.
When the package showed up, I was amazed that they would ship a pack of 12 markers in such a large box.
What's this?
One pen?
The paperwork seemed to say that this was it. One pen. A few e-mails later I worked it out with Buy.com. They had a miscommunication with Amazon and listed the wrong item. Buy.com refunded the cost of the pen and I didn't have to ship it back to them in their outrageously huge box.
Employee Must "Wash Hands" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
My buddy Dustin found this sign in a Columbus, OH restaurant bathroom:
I think this is secret code for "Don't worry about washing your hands if no customers are around, but if they are in the bathroom, at least run the water for a few seconds and make a good show of it."
You can catch Dustin's website at http://dustincharles.wordpress.com/.
I think this is secret code for "Don't worry about washing your hands if no customers are around, but if they are in the bathroom, at least run the water for a few seconds and make a good show of it."
You can catch Dustin's website at http://dustincharles.wordpress.com/.
Fixing Palin
Did you know that Sarah Palin has a Twitter account? You should check it out because it is quite hilarious. She types with the ferocity of a fourth grade, dyslexic H4X0R.
What's silly is that it doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to be illegible when condensing down your insanity to fit within the confines of Twitter. The word for doesn't always have to be Tweeted as "4".
I've started used to stay current on a Twitter account called Fixing_Palin where I retype what she Tweets (sometimes pausing to throw up as I do so), fixing her text and making it all fit in 140 characters.
For instance:
or:
I assume that I will keep this up until she fixes her shit or I get bored.
What's silly is that it doesn't have to be that hard. You don't have to be illegible when condensing down your insanity to fit within the confines of Twitter. The word for doesn't always have to be Tweeted as "4".
I
For instance:
or:
I assume that I will keep this up until she fixes her shit or I get bored.
Ask HolyJuan: Traffic Ticket Revenge
Dear HolyJuan:
I recently received a minor traffic violation from an overly eager, by-the-book police officer. I understand that he was just doing his job, but why pull someone over for going 5 miles per hour over the speed limit when there are real crimes out there? I would like to send my payment to them in a unique way to show how I feel. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Logan Leadfoot
Dear Pb 12 inches,
Sorry about your ticket. Sometimes five miles over the speed limit is too much. I assume you were in a 55 MPH zone doing 60 MPH. Tough break.
Here’s a good way to get revenge. EMBARRASSMENT.
Don’t fight the ticket in court. Just suck it up and prepare to pay with cash. Take the cash and, write “28 handjobs” with marker on each bill. This will really throw them off. Next to that, in pencil, write, “Thanks for the discount!” on each bill.
Then, take the cash and wrap it in nude photos of your wife. A lot of them. Make it so the envelope is THICK with tons of photos in all sorts of positions. I’m hoping postage is somewhere around $13.95.
Next, send the whole thing to a 3rd, neutral party. Say me, for instance. I’m at:
HolyJuan
228 Softwhick Rd
Apt 3D
Westerville, OH 43081
I will then forward the cash and photos to the court so that they do not know it is from you and you cannot get into trouble.
The court may call you in a few weeks to suggest that they did not receive the payment, but this is because they are too embarrassed to admit they saw the words “28 hand jobs.” Just ignore the warnings and smile quite nicely to yourself.
Love,
HolyJuan
I recently received a minor traffic violation from an overly eager, by-the-book police officer. I understand that he was just doing his job, but why pull someone over for going 5 miles per hour over the speed limit when there are real crimes out there? I would like to send my payment to them in a unique way to show how I feel. Any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Logan Leadfoot
Dear Pb 12 inches,
Sorry about your ticket. Sometimes five miles over the speed limit is too much. I assume you were in a 55 MPH zone doing 60 MPH. Tough break.
Here’s a good way to get revenge. EMBARRASSMENT.
Don’t fight the ticket in court. Just suck it up and prepare to pay with cash. Take the cash and, write “28 handjobs” with marker on each bill. This will really throw them off. Next to that, in pencil, write, “Thanks for the discount!” on each bill.
Then, take the cash and wrap it in nude photos of your wife. A lot of them. Make it so the envelope is THICK with tons of photos in all sorts of positions. I’m hoping postage is somewhere around $13.95.
Next, send the whole thing to a 3rd, neutral party. Say me, for instance. I’m at:
HolyJuan
228 Softwhick Rd
Apt 3D
Westerville, OH 43081
I will then forward the cash and photos to the court so that they do not know it is from you and you cannot get into trouble.
The court may call you in a few weeks to suggest that they did not receive the payment, but this is because they are too embarrassed to admit they saw the words “28 hand jobs.” Just ignore the warnings and smile quite nicely to yourself.
Love,
HolyJuan
The Greatest Gift Ever
At a Christmas party this weekend we had a gift exchange and our buddy Pat created the greatest gift ever:
The Self Pleasure Kit
Contents:
1 tube of lotion
1 travel pack of kleenex
1 framed photo of Josh's Mom
The Self Pleasure Kit
Contents:
1 tube of lotion
1 travel pack of kleenex
1 framed photo of Josh's Mom
A HolyJuan Family Christmas
The HolyJuan clan wishes you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. May we all be able to afford our own holiday cards next year.
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