LANCASTER, OH - Tallmadge Elementary in Lancaster, Ohio is a very normal Midwestern grade school: there's a flag pole, kids running around on the playground, a cafeteria that smells a little like Johnny-Marzetti and a whole generation of children learning the Queen's English. And when I say Queen's English, I mean with the British accent, right-o!
Harken Stackmore is the 3rd grade English teacher and teaches the children Received Pronunciation or as you and I might call it, British Accent English. (Read Mr. Stackmore's quotes with a British accent for full effect.) "The children are marvelous pupils and have accepted learning proper English not only in a grammatical sense, but with a British flair as well." When asked why teach and enforce a British accent, Mr. Stackmore was very clear, "A British accent sounds more intelligent that the standard American accent. These Midwesterns run their e's and o's together and add extra syllables where none should exist. I'm not only making them smarter… I'm making them sound smarter."
Principal Harvey Rogers agrees with Harken Stackmore, "When I watch an infomercial on the T.V., I tend to think the British people sound smarter. I'm more likely to buy from one or vote on American Idol for whoever the British person says to." When the program started, Principal Rogers was a bit doubtful, "I didn't think it was gonna work, but when I heard a nine year old girl talking in an accent about her 'pleats and whatnot' I was sold."
Local parents are still a little unsure. Marion Rents' son, Bill, is in the fourth grade and into his second year of British English, "Bill says stuff and I can't understand him sometimes. Of course, before the class, he said a lot of stuff I didn't understand much neither." Her husband was a little less critical, "He sounds like a military officer from the movies. I think it's cool." Bill did not have much to say except, "I like it. I like it a lot."
Mr. Stackmore teaches his style of Queen's English in three parts. He explained, "Part one involves re-learning pronunciation of the alphabet. This is accomplished by watching the film 'Mary Poppins' over and again. Part two is sub-divided into common British phrases and learning how to be embarrassed easily. Part three is comprised of slang, cockney insults and talking about how much better we British are than the rest of the world."
While Mr. Stackmore continues his classes and guiding the other teachers on British pronunciation and gestures, he hopes that someday his methods will spread throughout Ohio and the United States, "The colonies could use a good verbal scrubbing. And I've got the oratory brush to do it. Look, I have no choice but to acknowledge Britain's diminished status in the world. But, I'm trying to do my part for Queen and country. While we Brits can no longer say 'The Sun Never Sets on the British Empire,' I'm hoping that we can at least say that 'The Sun Never Sets on the British Accent.' Cheerio, Governor."
Fake News Stories to be Made Illegal
Washington(AP) Another casualty of the financial crisis might be that the Untied States Congress has lost its funny bone. A bill introduced yesterday by Rex Bauman (D) Ohio would make fake news stories illegal and punishable by a fine of $1,000 with up to six months in prison. Representative Bauman stated, “These false news stories are as dangerous as rumor and vicious as libel. Recently, I was fooled into believing that Blackwater security forces were kicking people out of their homes in Chicago. A few angry phone calls later, I found out that this was just a fake new story. This is just wrong.”
Some online publications like The Onion and BBSpot thrive on satirical news stories. Lewis Holloway from The Onion stated that, “No one could ever think this shit was real. That was until about three years ago when the actual news started catching up with our articles from five years ago.” Lewis brought out a number of articles that his publication created in the past that have now become reality. May 2000 “Fuck It, Let’s Invade Iraq” and December 2004 “Black Dude says, ‘Shit, If This A-hole Can Be President, Why Can’t I?’”
Many people assume that the news that they read on the internet is true or at least grounded in fact. The Pew Research Center finished a study that found most people believe just about anything when a credible news source like Associated Press or The Pew Research Center is mentioned. “It’s a vicious cycle. News stories about fake news stories are then parodied and no one knows where the truth begins and satire ends. Pretty soon, quotes are not being associated with an actual person and nothing you read can be trusted.”
By this journalist’s account, there are currently two fake news stories on CNN alone with three on MSNBC, two on CSPAN and one hundred and eighty two on The Fox News Network. Representative Bauman summed it up quite nicely when he said, “I’m pretty sure that I’ll be quoted in some fake news story in the next week or two and no one will know the better.”
Some online publications like The Onion and BBSpot thrive on satirical news stories. Lewis Holloway from The Onion stated that, “No one could ever think this shit was real. That was until about three years ago when the actual news started catching up with our articles from five years ago.” Lewis brought out a number of articles that his publication created in the past that have now become reality. May 2000 “Fuck It, Let’s Invade Iraq” and December 2004 “Black Dude says, ‘Shit, If This A-hole Can Be President, Why Can’t I?’”
Many people assume that the news that they read on the internet is true or at least grounded in fact. The Pew Research Center finished a study that found most people believe just about anything when a credible news source like Associated Press or The Pew Research Center is mentioned. “It’s a vicious cycle. News stories about fake news stories are then parodied and no one knows where the truth begins and satire ends. Pretty soon, quotes are not being associated with an actual person and nothing you read can be trusted.”
By this journalist’s account, there are currently two fake news stories on CNN alone with three on MSNBC, two on CSPAN and one hundred and eighty two on The Fox News Network. Representative Bauman summed it up quite nicely when he said, “I’m pretty sure that I’ll be quoted in some fake news story in the next week or two and no one will know the better.”
Scam
Hello! You've reached this page because you did a search for one of the following people who are running a scam. Do not believe anything these people say.
Remember, nothing is free.
I'll keep this updated with my scam names and e-mail addresses.
Justice Ministry
Probate Registry Dept
Chancery Division, Strand
WC2ALL Central London
United Kingdom.
E-mail : probatedivision1@london.com
Tel: +44 702 403 6756
Fax: +44 709 285 8742
Probate Registrar,
Justice Ministry, London,
United Kingdom.
JOHNSON & LOWRY CHAMBERS:
BARRISTER DANIEL AMEN
Tel: +44 704 570 1343
+44 703 195 9969
Fax: +44 700 592 1653
E-mail: johnsonandlowrychambers@live.co.uk
Address:7 Pilgrim Street London EC4V 6LB United Kingdom
Remember, nothing is free.
I'll keep this updated with my scam names and e-mail addresses.
Justice Ministry
Probate Registry Dept
Chancery Division, Strand
WC2ALL Central London
United Kingdom.
E-mail : probatedivision1@london.com
Tel: +44 702 403 6756
Fax: +44 709 285 8742
Probate Registrar,
Justice Ministry, London,
United Kingdom.
JOHNSON & LOWRY CHAMBERS:
BARRISTER DANIEL AMEN
Tel: +44 704 570 1343
+44 703 195 9969
Fax: +44 700 592 1653
E-mail: johnsonandlowrychambers@live.co.uk
Address:7 Pilgrim Street London EC4V 6LB United Kingdom
Another wonderful bumper sticker from a McCain supporter
I couldn't believe this bumper sticker when I saw it. I was hoping that I was misreading it somehow.
I wasn't.
**edit**
That photo kinda looked photoshoppy so here is another shot of it. (Click to enlarge.)
Erik Eats Ribon Milk Soft Candy: Solid Udder Squirt Yum Snack Taste with Surprise
Erik was very hungry today, but he was also very thirsty. He desired a healthy food, but a sugary snack. He wanted a full belly, but also a way to straighten his bent spine. Is there any snack out there that can suffice?
YES!!
Ribon Milk Soft Candy!
An inspection of the package reveals a cow and the suggestion of health:
At last! A not too sticky calcium enriched soft-candy that’s both healthy and tasty.
Erik likes tasty.
Erik likes healthy.
Erik likes not too sticky on his belly. I mean, in his belly.
Pull one out Erik and let’s take a look.
Well, a solid lump of white. Let's cut it open!
Looks… calciumy.
A look at the package reveals a bunch of numbers and foreign language.
Let’s bring in our interpreter Arata Isozaki to decipher the package.
Well that was knowledgefull!
Let’s see how Erik Eats.
He likes it!
Oh! We forgot to check the ingredients. Let’s take a quick look.
Nothing odd here…
Oh no!
What's a happenin'!
He's down!
Oh look! More candies to share with others! Yum!
Next week we will try some foods we found in the cafeteria during the renovations!
YES!!
Ribon Milk Soft Candy!
An inspection of the package reveals a cow and the suggestion of health:
At last! A not too sticky calcium enriched soft-candy that’s both healthy and tasty.
Erik likes tasty.
Erik likes healthy.
Erik likes not too sticky on his belly. I mean, in his belly.
Pull one out Erik and let’s take a look.
Well, a solid lump of white. Let's cut it open!
Looks… calciumy.
A look at the package reveals a bunch of numbers and foreign language.
Let’s bring in our interpreter Arata Isozaki to decipher the package.
Well that was knowledgefull!
Let’s see how Erik Eats.
He likes it!
Oh! We forgot to check the ingredients. Let’s take a quick look.
Nothing odd here…
Oh no!
What's a happenin'!
He's down!
Oh look! More candies to share with others! Yum!
Next week we will try some foods we found in the cafeteria during the renovations!
My $29.95 Doorstop
Here is a photo of my new $29.95 doorstop.
It works out well because the extra weight of the cumbersomeness helps on breezy days. I was using it as a paper weight, but the book kept taking my simple English sentences and adding random letters and gibberish.
No one has ever accused me of being smart, but I was able to make it through Donaldson and Tolkien without plucking my eyeballs out. (Well, not The Silmarillion, so maybe you can do the math.) It’s one thing to need a glossary to decipher a book. It’s another to need to have scratch paper, the entire works of Thelenes and an abacus.
I guess I’ll just re-read Diamond Age again and remember the good days.
It works out well because the extra weight of the cumbersomeness helps on breezy days. I was using it as a paper weight, but the book kept taking my simple English sentences and adding random letters and gibberish.
No one has ever accused me of being smart, but I was able to make it through Donaldson and Tolkien without plucking my eyeballs out. (Well, not The Silmarillion, so maybe you can do the math.) It’s one thing to need a glossary to decipher a book. It’s another to need to have scratch paper, the entire works of Thelenes and an abacus.
I guess I’ll just re-read Diamond Age again and remember the good days.
George Bush signs $700 billion dollar bill
President George W. Bush signs the $700 billion US financial bailout bill in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington Friday. (Charles Dharapak/Associated Press)
Greg and Dad - The Debate
(I have to assume that McCain is the one with four light sabers (a la General Grievous.)
Screaming Old Woman Cab Driver
On our way back from lunch, we passed a cab being driven by a very old woman. I thought this was very unique and was able to snap a quick photo of her. Later I took a closer look at the photo and it's completely freaked me out. It looks like she is screaming.
I am tormented by this photo.
I am tormented by this photo.
Happy 10th Anniversary
Ten years ago, on a beach on Kiawah Island, SC, Miss Sally and Doug were married.
And against all odds and egg timers, she has stuck by my side.
Happy 10th Anniversary!!
Then
Now
And against all odds and egg timers, she has stuck by my side.
Happy 10th Anniversary!!
Then
Now
Hollywood Running Out of 555 Phone Numbers
HOLLYWOOD- Representatives from all arenas in Hollywood are shuddering at the prospect that the quantity of 555-XXXX phone numbers is running dangerously low.
Phil Ausherman, Writers’ Guild spokesperson, stated Wednesday that, “The Studio analysts have determined that there are only twelve or thirteen 555 phone numbers left.” He elaborated, “I’m sure that years ago they thought that 10,000 fake phone numbers would last forever. Now we’re down to a couple unrealistic numbers like 555-2424. Audiences would immediately pick that out as fake and then the whole suspension of disbelief thingy is right out the window.”
The phone companies suggested that studios begin using the prefix 555 so that the average Tommy or Jenny wouldn’t be getting phone calls in the middle of the night asking for a Private Eye or Unwilling Hero.
The lower end numbers got used up first as screenwriters are lazy and actors had trouble dialing 555-9989 on rotary dials. Mr. Ausherman suggested that any taxi in a film got the easy to remember 555-7777 or 555-2222 numbers. “No movie scriptwriter has been audacious enough to suggest that the phone number 555-5555 could be real, even in a movie.”
For a while, the number 555-2368 was reused over and over in films. With the advent of the internet, movie goers are now keen to the number and are quick to call it out. Acting coach Sally Byers related, “There’s nothing worse that having a dramatic hostage standoff negotiation scene killed by someone in the theater yelling out, ‘That’s the Ghostbuster’s number!” So the practice of reusing numbers has been phased out and now the unused numbers are almost gone.
Some filmmakers encourage the use of letters for the last four digits, but Ausherman countered, “There are probably only 20 or so four letter words that aren’t dirty. Besides, what chick flick would have the heroine giving out her number as 555-MUNG or 555-LIPS?”
When I questioned Mr. Ausherman about increasing the number of phone numbers by including area codes he said it wasn’t realistic. “Who gives out their area code with their phone number? Besides, nothing happens outside the 323 anyways.”
Phil Ausherman, Writers’ Guild spokesperson, stated Wednesday that, “The Studio analysts have determined that there are only twelve or thirteen 555 phone numbers left.” He elaborated, “I’m sure that years ago they thought that 10,000 fake phone numbers would last forever. Now we’re down to a couple unrealistic numbers like 555-2424. Audiences would immediately pick that out as fake and then the whole suspension of disbelief thingy is right out the window.”
The phone companies suggested that studios begin using the prefix 555 so that the average Tommy or Jenny wouldn’t be getting phone calls in the middle of the night asking for a Private Eye or Unwilling Hero.
The lower end numbers got used up first as screenwriters are lazy and actors had trouble dialing 555-9989 on rotary dials. Mr. Ausherman suggested that any taxi in a film got the easy to remember 555-7777 or 555-2222 numbers. “No movie scriptwriter has been audacious enough to suggest that the phone number 555-5555 could be real, even in a movie.”
For a while, the number 555-2368 was reused over and over in films. With the advent of the internet, movie goers are now keen to the number and are quick to call it out. Acting coach Sally Byers related, “There’s nothing worse that having a dramatic hostage standoff negotiation scene killed by someone in the theater yelling out, ‘That’s the Ghostbuster’s number!” So the practice of reusing numbers has been phased out and now the unused numbers are almost gone.
Some filmmakers encourage the use of letters for the last four digits, but Ausherman countered, “There are probably only 20 or so four letter words that aren’t dirty. Besides, what chick flick would have the heroine giving out her number as 555-MUNG or 555-LIPS?”
When I questioned Mr. Ausherman about increasing the number of phone numbers by including area codes he said it wasn’t realistic. “Who gives out their area code with their phone number? Besides, nothing happens outside the 323 anyways.”
Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s in Columbus
I could not be happier. Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s will be in Columbus at Skully’s Music Diner on October 19th.
Tickets are $10 pre-sale. I bought four of them. Miss Sally and I are going. I’m sure Acton will join in.
Anyone else interested?
Tickets are $10 pre-sale. I bought four of them. Miss Sally and I are going. I’m sure Acton will join in.
Anyone else interested?
Ducklings
Tonight, my five year old Greg mentioned that his friend Bob had eaten Chinese food. I told Greg that we could try Chinese food sometime if he was curious what it tasted like.
A few minutes later Greg said, “I want to try and eat ducklings.”
“Ducklings?”
“Yeah. Ducklings.”
My mind raced. Bob is a mix of Korean and Filipino. I didn’t know if duckling was a traditional dish in his family or if they had eaten and some very authentic Chinese restaurant that only Koreans and Filipinos know about. I then thought about the fermented duck eggs that are a delicacy to some and vomit inducing to others.
I decided to be as delicate and politically correct about the issue as possible and share with Greg that sometimes some people eat food that is very different and that…
Greg then added, “Bob said he ate ducklings with chopsticks.”
I though for a half second.
“You mean Dumplings?”
“Yeah. Dumplings. With crabs in them.”
“Yes. We can try dumplings.”
A few minutes later Greg said, “I want to try and eat ducklings.”
“Ducklings?”
“Yeah. Ducklings.”
My mind raced. Bob is a mix of Korean and Filipino. I didn’t know if duckling was a traditional dish in his family or if they had eaten and some very authentic Chinese restaurant that only Koreans and Filipinos know about. I then thought about the fermented duck eggs that are a delicacy to some and vomit inducing to others.
I decided to be as delicate and politically correct about the issue as possible and share with Greg that sometimes some people eat food that is very different and that…
Greg then added, “Bob said he ate ducklings with chopsticks.”
I though for a half second.
“You mean Dumplings?”
“Yeah. Dumplings. With crabs in them.”
“Yes. We can try dumplings.”
Published!
I sometimes pretend that I am a writer. Thoughts fall out of my head, the keyboard clacks and some of these ponderings actually make it into somewhat legible sentences for you to read. But that doesn’t make me a writer. It makes me a blogger. Anyone (and most everyone) is a blogger. To be a writer, you have to get published.
I am now a writer.
Last month, I got an e-mail from Brian Egeston, Editor-in-Chief at Barbershop Digest. BD is a publication that is directed towards barbershop patrons in the Atlanta area. Usually these patrons are black. He said he liked my story about my trip to a local black barbershop and that he wanted to publish my article. I won’t go into the amount of money he offered me to print the piece, but let’s just say it was more than I have even been offered in the past for an article.
I agreed to let him print the story, sent him a headshot and waited patiently for the month to pass.
And now it has passed.
That is not me walking in the barbershop in the photo above, though it almost fooled me.
So please, head over to Barbershop Digest and once there, click on the magazine on the left hand side for the PDF of the September 2008 issue. Of course you should read my article, but also read some of the other offerings. I especially liked "The Pimps vs The Preachers" feature article. Oh... and the little boy getting his hair cut for the first time is very cute.
Thanks for reading everyone. I couldn't have done it without you.
HolyJuan (pimp)* (*Official pimp status not confirmed.)
{EDITOR'S NOTE - I think we killed BD's bandwidth. The link to the PDF does not work anymore. Here's a photo of the article.}
I am now a writer.
Last month, I got an e-mail from Brian Egeston, Editor-in-Chief at Barbershop Digest. BD is a publication that is directed towards barbershop patrons in the Atlanta area. Usually these patrons are black. He said he liked my story about my trip to a local black barbershop and that he wanted to publish my article. I won’t go into the amount of money he offered me to print the piece, but let’s just say it was more than I have even been offered in the past for an article.
I agreed to let him print the story, sent him a headshot and waited patiently for the month to pass.
And now it has passed.
So please, head over to Barbershop Digest and once there, click on the magazine on the left hand side for the PDF of the September 2008 issue. Of course you should read my article, but also read some of the other offerings. I especially liked "The Pimps vs The Preachers" feature article. Oh... and the little boy getting his hair cut for the first time is very cute.Thanks for reading everyone. I couldn't have done it without you.
HolyJuan (pimp)* (*Official pimp status not confirmed.)
{EDITOR'S NOTE - I think we killed BD's bandwidth. The link to the PDF does not work anymore. Here's a photo of the article.}
Republican National Committee Preempts God and Puts Palin at Top of Ticket
WASHINGTON DC – In another unpredictable and bold move, the Republican National Comittee has decided to shift Sarah Palin up as the nominee for President and move John McCain down into the Vice President slot. RNC representative Chris Sarver was gleeful about the change, “Sarah Palin has fully demonstrated that she can take on the role of President. Her numbers are way up so we decided to do what is in the best interest for the country.”
“John McCain is in pretty good shape for a 72 year old man, but when you stick Palin and McCain on the stage together, he starts to look feeble and sickly. Not even the weekly embryonic stem cells injections are helping.” When asked about McCain’s health, Sarver claimed, “The shock of actually winning this election will probably kill McCain. We never thought we would actually win, but now that we have a strong chance, we are taking preemptive action. Basically, we are cutting out the middle man.”
When questioned about the legality of the move, party officials stated that, “The RNC’s Executive Committee can determine if a nominee is fit to take on a Presidential or Vice Presidential Role. It is in our Party’s best interest to win this election and we think that Palin can do it! And on top of that she has assured us this is God's will."
On a final note, Mr. Sarver added, "Did I mention she’s so goddamn charismatic?”
We sent an e-mail to John McCain for comment, but he was unable to answer.
“John McCain is in pretty good shape for a 72 year old man, but when you stick Palin and McCain on the stage together, he starts to look feeble and sickly. Not even the weekly embryonic stem cells injections are helping.” When asked about McCain’s health, Sarver claimed, “The shock of actually winning this election will probably kill McCain. We never thought we would actually win, but now that we have a strong chance, we are taking preemptive action. Basically, we are cutting out the middle man.”
When questioned about the legality of the move, party officials stated that, “The RNC’s Executive Committee can determine if a nominee is fit to take on a Presidential or Vice Presidential Role. It is in our Party’s best interest to win this election and we think that Palin can do it! And on top of that she has assured us this is God's will."
On a final note, Mr. Sarver added, "Did I mention she’s so goddamn charismatic?”
We sent an e-mail to John McCain for comment, but he was unable to answer.
Foot File with BONUS
Saw this great ad for a new dead skin removal product. It looks like the recycling thing has gone a bit too far...
Fort Navarone and the Trade Federation MTT
My son, very badly, wants a Star Wars LEGO #7662: Trade Federation MTT.
My wife believes it is a large, expensive piece(s) of plastic that will be destroyed, lost and forgotten.
I know his pain.
When I was a nine years old boy, I wanted, with all my heart and soul, a Fort Navarone playset.
It was a giant mountain of a fort that came with armies, vehicles, guns and a real, live working elevator. It was the greatest thing in the world.
It was almost Christmas and the Fort Navarone playset was glossy and crinkled in the JC Pennys catalog. The smell of the ink was strong on my fingers. I had been reviewing the details of it for hours and then stashing it under the couch for easy access. I finally got up the nerve to ask my dad if I could have it for Christmas. I practiced asking and kept repeating, “It’s the only toy I want!”
Dad was in the kitchen and I stood at the doorway with the catalog behind my back. He beckoned me forward and I came in, my socks sliding across the linoleum.
“I think I know what I want for Christmas.”
“What’s that?”
I put the catalog out and he took it.
I said bravely, “The Fort Navarone Playset. It comes with armies and tanks.”
Dad looked over his glasses to get a closer view.
I forgot to say it was the only gift I wanted for Christmas.
He cut me off before I had the chance. He said, and I remember it to the word, “This? This is just a big piece of plastic. It’s not worth the money.”
He handed the catalog back and I left the kitchen. I tore out the page and hid it between my mattress and bedspring. I’d pull it out every so often, but those times became fewer and further between.
Months later I found it when we were pulling our mattresses off our beds to have a pile of soft to jump into from the top bunk. By that time I had hardened my heart to it. I threw it out.
But I never forgot it.
I’m not mad at my father because of this. He’s right. It was a big hunk of plastic that probably wasn’t worth the money. To him.
Now my son wants this huge, expensive hunk of plastic that he will probably destroy, lose and forget.
But I do not forget.
Merry Christmas Greg.
My wife believes it is a large, expensive piece(s) of plastic that will be destroyed, lost and forgotten.
I know his pain.
When I was a nine years old boy, I wanted, with all my heart and soul, a Fort Navarone playset.
It was a giant mountain of a fort that came with armies, vehicles, guns and a real, live working elevator. It was the greatest thing in the world.
It was almost Christmas and the Fort Navarone playset was glossy and crinkled in the JC Pennys catalog. The smell of the ink was strong on my fingers. I had been reviewing the details of it for hours and then stashing it under the couch for easy access. I finally got up the nerve to ask my dad if I could have it for Christmas. I practiced asking and kept repeating, “It’s the only toy I want!”
Dad was in the kitchen and I stood at the doorway with the catalog behind my back. He beckoned me forward and I came in, my socks sliding across the linoleum.
“I think I know what I want for Christmas.”
“What’s that?”
I put the catalog out and he took it.
I said bravely, “The Fort Navarone Playset. It comes with armies and tanks.”
Dad looked over his glasses to get a closer view.
I forgot to say it was the only gift I wanted for Christmas.
He cut me off before I had the chance. He said, and I remember it to the word, “This? This is just a big piece of plastic. It’s not worth the money.”
He handed the catalog back and I left the kitchen. I tore out the page and hid it between my mattress and bedspring. I’d pull it out every so often, but those times became fewer and further between.
Months later I found it when we were pulling our mattresses off our beds to have a pile of soft to jump into from the top bunk. By that time I had hardened my heart to it. I threw it out.
But I never forgot it.
I’m not mad at my father because of this. He’s right. It was a big hunk of plastic that probably wasn’t worth the money. To him.
Now my son wants this huge, expensive hunk of plastic that he will probably destroy, lose and forget.
But I do not forget.
Merry Christmas Greg.
I kissed a girl and then I went to hell
Our local free paper, The Other Paper, printed this photo of a local church and their opinion about a recent pop song.
Personally, I like to think that our God is an all loving God and that He would not frown upon an innocent make out session between two chicks. Ephesians 10:21 states, "And doth Mary did kiss Mary Magdalene on the lips and tasted the berries and doth she likened it."
Amen.
How to tell if a Boy/Girl likes or hates you
Understanding people can be very confusing, especially when emotions come into play. Here is a very simple guide to help you figure out when the opposite sex likes or does not like you.
FOR GIRLS
Signs that a boy hates you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you.
Signs that a boy likes you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you
FOR BOYS
Signs that a girl likes you:
1. She pretty much comes right out and tells you that she likes you
Signs that a girls hates you:
1. When she pretends that she likes you.
FOR GIRLS
Signs that a boy hates you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you.
Signs that a boy likes you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you
FOR BOYS
Signs that a girl likes you:
1. She pretty much comes right out and tells you that she likes you
Signs that a girls hates you:
1. When she pretends that she likes you.
Who will McCain choose once Palin drops off the ticket?
I do not want to debate whether or not Governor Palin is going to drop off McCain’s ticket as Vice President… that is pretty much a given. As a matter of fact, I think McCain’s consultants preparing for it and are going to try to spin it for more media cycles.
But who will McCain pick next? He's got to out do himself again. Let’s look at the possibilities:
1. Hillary Clinton
Pros
-18 Million votes guaranteed!
-boobies
-she will unleash pent up vitriolic rage against Obama
Cons
-raving lunatic PUMAs and Clintonistas will simultaneously explode causing big mess
-might end up President if McCain dies
-Christian Conservatives would get caught in an infinite prayer feedback loop of praying to win and praying to lose.
2. Heath Ledger
Pros
-major Superstar
-wide appeal
-won’t say anything stupid
-cool accent
Cons
-dead
-even dead, can’t make McCain look younger or better
-Christian Conservatives don’t like guys that have sex with guys, even if it was just in a movie
3. Inanimate Carbon Rod
Pros
-Older than McCain thus making him look younger
-phallic
-Inanimate, which means it can’t fuck up
-TV star (young kids love it)
-easy to vet
Cons
-Rod is a gay name
-Christian Conservatives don’t like the periodic table
4. Hillary Clinton’s Pantsuit
Pros
-If you can’t get Hillary, it’s the next best thing
-won’t cry or eat your soul
-wash and wear
Cons
-Remnants of Bill on the back
-reversible
-Christian Conservatives don’t like female pants. It’s the devil’s stitchery.
5. The Statue of Liberty
Pros
-100% American (Although the French thing will come out later in the media.)
-Older than McCain but still slightly hot
-Good with dates, reads books, likes foreigners, knows her place and has a huge ass torch
Cons
-Freakishly tall
-hollow
-small boobs
Christian Conservatives don’t like unmarried women with careers
But who will McCain pick next? He's got to out do himself again. Let’s look at the possibilities:
1. Hillary Clinton
Pros
-18 Million votes guaranteed!
-boobies
-she will unleash pent up vitriolic rage against Obama
Cons
-raving lunatic PUMAs and Clintonistas will simultaneously explode causing big mess
-might end up President if McCain dies
-Christian Conservatives would get caught in an infinite prayer feedback loop of praying to win and praying to lose.
2. Heath Ledger
Pros
-major Superstar
-wide appeal
-won’t say anything stupid
-cool accent
Cons
-dead
-even dead, can’t make McCain look younger or better
-Christian Conservatives don’t like guys that have sex with guys, even if it was just in a movie
3. Inanimate Carbon Rod
Pros
-Older than McCain thus making him look younger
-phallic
-Inanimate, which means it can’t fuck up
-TV star (young kids love it)
-easy to vet
Cons
-Rod is a gay name
-Christian Conservatives don’t like the periodic table
4. Hillary Clinton’s Pantsuit
Pros
-If you can’t get Hillary, it’s the next best thing
-won’t cry or eat your soul
-wash and wear
Cons
-Remnants of Bill on the back
-reversible
-Christian Conservatives don’t like female pants. It’s the devil’s stitchery.
5. The Statue of Liberty
Pros
-100% American (Although the French thing will come out later in the media.)
-Older than McCain but still slightly hot
-Good with dates, reads books, likes foreigners, knows her place and has a huge ass torch
Cons
-Freakishly tall
-hollow
-small boobs
Christian Conservatives don’t like unmarried women with careers
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