4th Hand Smoke Found to be Cause of Ear Cancer

COLUMBUS - The Institute of American Cancer Studies released a report today concerning a new diagnosis of smoking induced auricular cancer. This alarming study has determined that this recently discovered cancer is caused by Fourth Hand Smoke. Dr. Rich Sparhawk of the Grunnard Institute explains, “Fourth Hand Smoke occurs when a person is forced to listen to someone complaining about how their friend’s clothes smelled of smoke from being at a bar the night before.”

1. Person A interacts with smoker at bar/party.
2. Person A runs into Person B at a different venue.
3. The next day Person B complains to you about the smell of Person A.
4. Ear cancer strikes!

While complaints about smoking are not new, this new type of complaining is whinier, higher pitched and narcissistic. Dr. Senja Filkrujka is an ear cancer specialist, “The sound wave’s resonance “awakens” the ear cancer eggs that naturally line the ear canal. While the cancer eggs are usually dormant, this “4th hand smoke” ruptures them, forcing the eggs into their growth cycle. Within days, tumors fill the ears and crawl deep inside the brain. It’s quite nasty.”

The prognosis is not very good, “Until we can get everyone to quit smoking, there are still going to be people hanging around with smokers who then later bump into non-smokers who will then complain about it to some other poor person later.”

6 comments:

merussietoo said...

My wife has a friend who smokes and frequents bars. My ear hurts. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I hope it's not too late...

Anonymous said...

This is childish and immature, smoking is not a joke, nor is its effects, if you want to joke about it you should keep to yourself.

Anonymous said...

This is childish and immature, smoking is a serious issue that is killing more and more people everyday. And while you joke about it there is someone in the hospital fighting lung cancer because they were a victim of the REAL secondhand smoke or third-hand smoke. You just think about that.

HolyJuan said...

Actually, smoking is killing less and less people everyday because they read my site and understand the dangers of smoking.

Third hand smoke? I'd love to hear about a documented case of 3rd hand smoke cancer. It does not exist. I blame pollen.

Please do not come back to my site, ever. Yo are fired as a reader.

Anonymous said...

As I see it, if you smoke cigarettes you are protected by the first and second hand smoke. Since you have the first hand it can't be second hand which is worse than first hand. What you have to worry about is the third or fourth hand but mostly all the governments hands taking all your money from your pockets.

Anonymous said...

ha,ha,ha,ha, ... I should have been dead long ago, so often I have heard this nonsense :D