Baby Borg

Baby Borg wants to assimilate your living room floor. Photo by @mike_denison.

Hobo Egg

Here at the HolyJuan house, the only way to get our kids to eat eggs is to make Hobo Eggs for them. I'm sure it's because it is cool looking and interactive.  Here's how we do it:

Ingredients:
Slice of bread
Butter
Egg

Tools:
Knife
Plate
Frying pan
Spataula
Narrow glass

Grab a slice of bread and put it on a plate:

Butter it, one side only:

If you try to butter both sides, you'll get most the butter sticking to the plate.  Just butter one side.

Now, get your narrow glass. Make sure it doesn't breach the crust or you will have a broken dam egg situation.  A shot glass is too small. A tumbler is too big.  I suggest a Star Wars glass. "Egg or egg not, there is no egg beaters.":

Now, force the glass down through the bread to create a tiny bread circle:

Now, go back in time and put your frying pan on the stove on medium heat.  Good! Now, drop a dollop of butter in the pan and wait for it to melt. Drop the circle of bread on it butter side up:

Now do the same with the bread. Get enough butter in the pan to make a bread sized pool of melted butter and drop your big slice of bread on it butter side up:

I usually add a little more butter in the middle, just to make sure:

Now, add the egg. Crack it first:

Flip both:

Make sure you don't cook the yolk all the way though so the small round piece can be used for dipping:

And that is how you make a Hobo Egg!

Next week, Pressed Duck.

The Saddest Spoon OR Beloved Silverware Found

My co-worker, Hugh, found this spoon below at the Goodwill Store. (Side Story - We have a project that requires a large amount of spoons and he went to the Goodwill to buy them. As he was checking out with every spoon in the store, the lady said, "You can't buy all these spoons." Hugh asked why. She said, "Because then we won't have any spoons if someone else wants to buy them." In the end, he lied and said he was buying them for an old folks home kitchen and she bought it, so he bought the spoons.)
The bottom of the handle has a small hole for mounting or possibly a necklace.
The spoon is engraved, "Susie, Will You Marry Me?" along with the date in 2012.




The backside says, "To my First, Last and Only True Love"


I see two scenarios: 

Scenario One: This poor schmuck asked Susie to marry him and she said, "No way, spoon boy."  He then gave the spoon to Goodwill in the hopes to write off his misery on his taxes."

Scenario Two: Susie said , "Yes," but that when they moved in together the spoon was lost when they gave away all their worldly possessions, because with this kind of spoon loves, they only need each other and this piece of silverware.  So if you know the owners, let me know and we can try to get it back to them.

I really hope it is scenario two.

Jury Duty - By Tom Lynch

Tom Lynch (@DIGcomic  on Twiiter) heard I was going to be on jury duty next week and created this drawing. I absolutely love it.

July 30th is Annual Update You Laminated List Day

I think everyone is aware that July 30th is the Annual Update Your Laminated List Day!

As you all know, a laminated list is the three famous people with whom your spouse/significant other will allow you to have sex with, if ever the opportunity presents itself. If you happen to run into one of your three famous people and they are drunk enough to let you jump in the sack / couch / Robert Downey Jr.'s limo with you, then you have permission to have guilt free sex with any one of the three people on that list.

This year, I have done an almost complete revamp of my list.  I tried to avoid being extremely creepy, so this list is just mostly creepy.

1.  Christina Ricci (Not sure she will ever leave the list)

2.  Milana Vayntrub (She’s the AT&T girl and my crushy crush.)

3.  Kat Dennings (I think she would break me in the sack.)

Let's hear what your three picks are!

Father's Day Gift Tips


What NOT TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Soap on a Rope (unless he’s in jail)
2. The DNA test (let’s just keep that between Mom and the Fed-Ex guy)
3. Anything with the word “soy” in it.
4. Used scaffolding
5. Beer in amounts more than 39 ounces
6. Rocking chair
7. Old Spice
8. Elvis anything
9. Chalk or anything that is written on with chalk
10. Lie detector

What TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Carbide
2. Link to website on how to delete internet history/cookies.
3. A tie (it’s back in this year)
4. Bacon, 10 pounds (raw or cooked)
5. Anything that starts with Nintendo, has Station in the middle or ends with Box.
6. Salted anything
7. Bribe money
8. Boxed wine
9. Dashboard hula girl
10. “How to Pass a Lie Detector Test” book/pamphlet