Aperture Science
There are few opportunities when you get to mix work with video games. I couldn't help but take the opportunity when we were designing this biopsy graphic.
Lame
lame
adjective, lam⋅er, lam⋅est,
verb, lamed, lam⋅ing,
1. crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2. impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3. weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4. Slang. out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated.
5. Bobby’s 21st birthday party
Out at 7:30pm, home by 10:00pm. Officially the lamest 21st birthday party ever. I have never seen anyone go from 20 to 87 years old.
You suck Bobby.
adjective, lam⋅er, lam⋅est,
verb, lamed, lam⋅ing,
1. crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty.
2. impaired or disabled through defect or injury: a lame arm.
3. weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: a lame excuse.
4. Slang. out of touch with modern fads or trends; unsophisticated.
5. Bobby’s 21st birthday party
Out at 7:30pm, home by 10:00pm. Officially the lamest 21st birthday party ever. I have never seen anyone go from 20 to 87 years old.
You suck Bobby.
Keegan loses control
We've had Keegan working overtime to prepare for an event this weekend. And from looking at this photo...
...it seems that either:
A: Keegan had coolant leak on to his jeans
B: Keegan was shocked by an ungrounded wire and lost bladder control
C: Keegan was over committed to his work and decided to continue working rather than take a bathroom break
D: Keegan is sexually aroused by lasers
I'll help you decide.
It's not A: because the coolant is located lower than where he is standing
It's not B: because Keegan would never have an ungrounded wire (for the 10th time)
It's not C: because Keegan is never that committed to work
It's not D: because Keegan is impotent due to several ungrounded wire shocks
So I guess it is none of the above. Why do you think the stain on Keegan's pants is?
...it seems that either:
A: Keegan had coolant leak on to his jeans
B: Keegan was shocked by an ungrounded wire and lost bladder control
C: Keegan was over committed to his work and decided to continue working rather than take a bathroom break
D: Keegan is sexually aroused by lasers
I'll help you decide.
It's not A: because the coolant is located lower than where he is standing
It's not B: because Keegan would never have an ungrounded wire (for the 10th time)
It's not C: because Keegan is never that committed to work
It's not D: because Keegan is impotent due to several ungrounded wire shocks
So I guess it is none of the above. Why do you think the stain on Keegan's pants is?
Pencil Eraser Plastic Surgery with BONUS Cancer Cure
My favorite local "Non-surgical Beauty" medical doctor is up to some real advertising gold again. It looks like in the first photo, the person has wrinkles or hair or worms on their upper lip. In the second photo, some defoliation has taken place.
I like making money, just like Dr. Mudd, so I decided to start my own cancer treatment. To prove its effectiveness, I have posted these scientific diagrams of ACTUAL CANCER TREATMENT.
You can see from the scientific drawing, the cancer is 100% photoshopped out of the patient. The best part is that the treatment is 100% natural. And it only costs $4,000,000.00.
I like making money, just like Dr. Mudd, so I decided to start my own cancer treatment. To prove its effectiveness, I have posted these scientific diagrams of ACTUAL CANCER TREATMENT.
You can see from the scientific drawing, the cancer is 100% photoshopped out of the patient. The best part is that the treatment is 100% natural. And it only costs $4,000,000.00.
Subway Seat for 3
Michelle packed up, left Columbus and got a job in New York City.
She and her two buddies have a website you should check out: http://subwayseatfor3.blogspot.com/. You can follow their daily grind and I think there is a shower-cam, too. It seems that in New York, chicks are bothered by douche bags on an hourly basis. Read how Michelle accidentally says yes to a proposal from a hot dog cart guy.
Good luck Michelle!
She and her two buddies have a website you should check out: http://subwayseatfor3.blogspot.com/. You can follow their daily grind and I think there is a shower-cam, too. It seems that in New York, chicks are bothered by douche bags on an hourly basis. Read how Michelle accidentally says yes to a proposal from a hot dog cart guy.
Good luck Michelle!
4th Hand Smoke Found to be Cause of Ear Cancer
COLUMBUS - The Institute of American Cancer Studies released a report today concerning a new diagnosis of smoking induced auricular cancer. This alarming study has determined that this recently discovered cancer is caused by Fourth Hand Smoke. Dr. Rich Sparhawk of the Grunnard Institute explains, “Fourth Hand Smoke occurs when a person is forced to listen to someone complaining about how their friend’s clothes smelled of smoke from being at a bar the night before.”
1. Person A interacts with smoker at bar/party.
1. Person A interacts with smoker at bar/party.
2. Person A runs into Person B at a different venue.
While complaints about smoking are not new, this new type of complaining is whinier, higher pitched and narcissistic. Dr. Senja Filkrujka is an ear cancer specialist, “The sound wave’s resonance “awakens” the ear cancer eggs that naturally line the ear canal. While the cancer eggs are usually dormant, this “4th hand smoke” ruptures them, forcing the eggs into their growth cycle. Within days, tumors fill the ears and crawl deep inside the brain. It’s quite nasty.”
The prognosis is not very good, “Until we can get everyone to quit smoking, there are still going to be people hanging around with smokers who then later bump into non-smokers who will then complain about it to some other poor person later.”
3. The next day Person B complains to you about the smell of Person A.
4. Ear cancer strikes!
While complaints about smoking are not new, this new type of complaining is whinier, higher pitched and narcissistic. Dr. Senja Filkrujka is an ear cancer specialist, “The sound wave’s resonance “awakens” the ear cancer eggs that naturally line the ear canal. While the cancer eggs are usually dormant, this “4th hand smoke” ruptures them, forcing the eggs into their growth cycle. Within days, tumors fill the ears and crawl deep inside the brain. It’s quite nasty.”
The prognosis is not very good, “Until we can get everyone to quit smoking, there are still going to be people hanging around with smokers who then later bump into non-smokers who will then complain about it to some other poor person later.”
HolyJuan's Steno Pad
Al got me hooked on steno pads back in the studio days. Nothing says task list like a bunch of line items in a steno.
I lost a steno pad once and hated myself for weeks. Tasks. Phone numbers. Cartoons. Gone.
So I started to tape a business card on the front of the steno pad in case I left it somewhere.
Steno pad (circa Allstate days) waiting to be left behind at a bar.
So, of course, I did. Six months ago.
Fast forward to now. I got this e-mail on facebook:
Hey Doug, I think we have a notebook you left at Buffalo Wild Wings in Lancaster (or at least I remember seeing your name on it.) It has some pictures of some tape measures being tortured and held for ransom. Sound familiar? Anyway, stop by Buffalo Wild Wings and I'll get them back to you. We all had a big laugh at them.
Take care,
Becky
The photos she mentions are here: http://www.holyjuan.com/2008/05/torture-by-foot.html. I can see why they might have waited six months to contact me.
Thank you Becky at BW-3 in Lancaster!!
I lost a steno pad once and hated myself for weeks. Tasks. Phone numbers. Cartoons. Gone.
So I started to tape a business card on the front of the steno pad in case I left it somewhere.
Steno pad (circa Allstate days) waiting to be left behind at a bar.
So, of course, I did. Six months ago.
Fast forward to now. I got this e-mail on facebook:
Hey Doug, I think we have a notebook you left at Buffalo Wild Wings in Lancaster (or at least I remember seeing your name on it.) It has some pictures of some tape measures being tortured and held for ransom. Sound familiar? Anyway, stop by Buffalo Wild Wings and I'll get them back to you. We all had a big laugh at them.
Take care,
Becky
The photos she mentions are here: http://www.holyjuan.com/2008/05/torture-by-foot.html. I can see why they might have waited six months to contact me.
Thank you Becky at BW-3 in Lancaster!!
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