Cody Fucked Up

A girl at work receives the Despair Inc catalog at work. They've got some fun products.


She showed me the back of the catalog today. Big address sticker at the top covering a photo and the usual address area at the bottom had text in it.




Looks like Cody fucked up.

Greg Learned How to Write

You might remember my "Stay Out Daddy" post where I tricked Greg into turning his requested door sign into something else.

Well, Greg has learned to spell. Here is his newest sign:


And a scan...


The gist of the sign is that you have to pay to get into his room. There are varied charges based on some level of Evil scale which I still have not figured out.

Smart kid.

My Beef with Van de Kamp's Fish

We bought this box of 10 Van de Kamp's Crispy Fish Fillets.


What's nice about this package of frozen fish parts is that they come individually wrapped in pairs so that you do not throw 2/5th of the box back in the freezer and have to deal with freezer burn and malicious odors.


Except they do not come in pairs. All the frozen fish corpses were stuck in the same plastic bag with no high tech way of sealing back up. The package clearly shows a pair in a bag. I assumed there would be five bags of two.

So I cooked the whole fucking box.

And I almost fell prey to the oldest cooking instructions trick in the book...

Remember to always read all the instructions before cooking. I usually go step by step which would be to bake uncovered for 28 - 30 minutes. Then I would see the "flip" instruction. These instructions should read "Cook 14 minutes. Turn. Cook for 14 - 20 more minutes, dumbass."

Sophie's Choice Dumplings

I'm not sure how to cook these, but I assume gas oven is not recommended.

This Is My Suitcase’s “The Keys To Cat Heaven”

Once again I find myself reviewing music when I have no cognitive capacitance to do such things. Here I go:

I downloaded This Is My Suitcase’s “The Keys To Cat Heaven” and it pretty much rocks. I love this stuff. It is an extremely light album with no heavy bullshit. Interesting lyrics. Musically complex with simplistic instruments.

I’m sure they will kick my ass when I suggest that their music stylings are like bit like an angsty Tiny Tim meets a pre-pubescent Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s with a cat on a Möbius strip leash. Of course, I’ve seen the lead singer at a few shows and he isn’t going to kick anyone’s ass though the guitarist is a big dude and might pummel the likes of me for kicks.

All I know is that when I listen to the album it makes me happy. Dead fish and all.

Check ‘um out at http://www.myspace.com/thisismysuitcase

Buy an album here

@suitcaseband

Facebook

Vampire Test T-shirt

Are you a vampire? Curious? This helpful t-shirt can determine whether you are a vampire or not!




Click on the photo to buy it from Skreened.com!

Ignore this post

Sorry. I am trying one last time to get Technorati to work. VVQXBJGF6WB4

Google Wave for an Ask HolyJuan

Are you interested in a Google Wave invite?

Send me a good "Ask HolyJuan" questions and I will send one off to you.

I've got five invites, so the first five questions I accept will get the invites.

Thanks for playing.

holyjuan@gmail.com

Local Church to Hand out Hams

COLUMBUS OH (HJ) – For a few of central Ohio’s needy, the holidays will be a little bit less hungry. Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” will be handing out over 200 hams to those who are in need. Food hand outs started back in 2005 when Pastor Phelps took over for the ailing Pastor Riffic. Pastor Phelps recalled, “We had about 50 people come to the church when we were handing out turkeys. Since then, the demand has grown and we are pleased to serve our Christian community.”

The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”

Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.

Pathetic Attempt at Political Graffiti

The message might be dead on, but I do not know what the message is supposed to be.