OK, so none of my predictions for 2007 came true except for the “3. Bird Flu will not have an effect on the world’s population… this year,” prediction.
Here is my list of predictions for 2008 and I predict all of them will maybe come true.
1. The world will NOT end on 06/07/08. Unless you count my soon to be cousin-in-law, then maybe you have an argument.
2. Home Depot will change the spelling of its name to Home DeePo so that people start pronouncing it correctly.
3. I will not get caught for cheating on my taxes.
4. Due to some crazy political thing and some weird labor thing and an awful bug infestation thing and a mule slaughter thing, here will be a coffee shortage of epic proportions. Tea people will point and laugh until the tea shortage kicks in.
5. The US Mint will cease penny production. The New(est) Dollar coin will look and feel like 100 pennies taped together.
6. Calculator watches will come back in style.
7. 50% of the US population is going to be upset about the election results. 100% of Ron Paul supporters are going to be upset about the election results.
8. Shit tornados. Everywhere.
9. It will rain on September 26th in Lancaster, OH.
10. Harrison Ford will go into a sex induced coma. He will only awaken when George Lucas swears to God that he will allow someone else to write and direct the final Star Wars trilogy.
Giant Chicken or Taloned Beast Footprints on Mars
I'm not sure why everyone is so excited about the Bigfoot on Mars when in the same photo there are clear and undeniable chicken or "taloned beast" prints on the ground. NASA is slacking on the Photoshopping of their photos to cover up life on Mars.
I love it
Rich Silverstein of the celebrated advertising firm of Goodby and Silverstein may take the cake for the most audacious effort to win over a potential client when he pitched Isuzu Motors. Silverstein printed up flyers and had them placed in the windshields of Isuzu all over
The Art of Innovation
Tom Kelley
Beautiful...
mad max haiku
I use StatCounter to track my hits and to help me stalk the eight people who come to my site. StatCounter will also let me see what word searches people use to get here. Someone did a search on Google for “mad max haiku driving” and found my site.
So I thought I would help them out next time they do the search.
Alone with your car
Gasoline non-existent
Chainsaw guns are not
So I thought I would help them out next time they do the search.
Alone with your car
Gasoline non-existent
Chainsaw guns are not
Jung Personality Test Results - AHOL
I took a Jung Typology “personality test” and as it turns out they sum your life up in four letters. Here’s mine:
AHOL - "Egotistical Bastard". Extroverted, self-intellectual with a preference for telling others what their opinion is. A self loving hater and a destroyer of relationships. Fortunately, they only encompass only 0.02% of total population.
To outsiders, AHOLs may appear to project an aura of "egotistical bastardness", of complete self-confidence. This incredibly over the top self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for complicated arrogance by idiots, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most AHOLs start building right after the loss of virginity. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and AHOLs can have several (they know everything you do not)-- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, which they can’t because you are a complete mess. AHOLs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know, which is nothing.
AHOLs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest as long as they get something out of it. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is other people holding them back. You, especially.
AHOLs are known as the "Mind Fuck" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of cock blockedness and ruthless despair. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this though a verbal beat down; AHOLs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. In other words, you are dumb and you should get the fuck out of his way.
Probably the strongest AHOL assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to make others feel like complete idiots. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated verbal taunts, sketches of private parts and e-mails of a highly improper nature.
Is your Gay product guaranteed?
Don't be fooled by non-Gay products! Fill your mouth with the Safe, Sanitary and Sterilized Gay product. If it's not guaranteed... it's not Gay!
Contemporary Insantiy: Renovated, Invigorated and as Fresh as a Walk Down a Dirt Lane in Spring with Your Mom as Curtains Billow in the Background
Brandon is back from his eight week internship in Lagula, Uganda and the first thing he did (right after getting the twenty or so Bot Flies removed from his flesh) was to get his site Contemporary Insanity back up and running.
I highly suggest you go check it out. (And look up Bot Fly while you are at it so you can get COMPLETELY grossed out.)
If you remember, Contemporary Insanity was the first site to have full video of Jon Stewart's CNN Crossfire Appearance and will be the first site to have coverage of the 2010 Psychic and Mindreaders Convention building collapse.
I highly suggest you go check it out. (And look up Bot Fly while you are at it so you can get COMPLETELY grossed out.)
If you remember, Contemporary Insanity was the first site to have full video of Jon Stewart's CNN Crossfire Appearance and will be the first site to have coverage of the 2010 Psychic and Mindreaders Convention building collapse.
Ask HolyJuan: Movie Food
Dear Holy Juan~
Since we have lately been on the topic of food, I am curious as to which food is the best to purchase at movie theatres. They have Dots, they have Junior Mints, they have Red Vines, and a plethora of other odd food items. My closest friend tells me that Junior Mints are popular because people want to have fresh breath after the movie so they can get laid.
I eagerly await your wisdom on this topic.
~Marcie
dogsdontpurr.com
Dear ~Marcie,
The correct answer is Swedish Fish.
And you do not need fresh breath if you are getting a blow job (the sex act of choice for the movie theatre) or if you are giving one, mints make for a “OH MY GOD MY DICK IS BURNING!!” which when uttered in the theatre, sometimes causes a fuss.
I hope this helps!
Your friend,
HolyJuan
Since we have lately been on the topic of food, I am curious as to which food is the best to purchase at movie theatres. They have Dots, they have Junior Mints, they have Red Vines, and a plethora of other odd food items. My closest friend tells me that Junior Mints are popular because people want to have fresh breath after the movie so they can get laid.
I eagerly await your wisdom on this topic.
~Marcie
dogsdontpurr.com
Dear ~Marcie,
The correct answer is Swedish Fish.
And you do not need fresh breath if you are getting a blow job (the sex act of choice for the movie theatre) or if you are giving one, mints make for a “OH MY GOD MY DICK IS BURNING!!” which when uttered in the theatre, sometimes causes a fuss.
I hope this helps!
Your friend,
HolyJuan
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