Banzi slide is small or GREG IS HUGE

Greg had a great day at baseball, winning the coveted game ball. Afterwards we went to Toy R Us so that he could use his money to buy some Gogo Crazy Bones. While there, Miss Sally asked us to get a Slip-n-Slide.

Instead of going with a well known, brand name, I went with the Banzi 16' Soak N Splash with Body Board (sale price $6.99.)


I knew this was a good buy because the kids on the front of the box were having an awesome time.

At home in the backyard, something was amiss. I unfolded the slide and immediatley found that the end with the water collection splash enabler was much smaller than expected. The box showed a kid sliding into a small baby pool sized basin. This was much smaller.

Here is the slide in action with the box for reference. This was take number 122 to get the photo just right.


Greg is HUGE!

You can see the Greg's hand reaches all the way to the back when his shoulders are at the edge of the pool area. A total misrepresentation. That's something I would expect when paying $4.99 but NOT $6.99!

I wanted to see if it was possible to get the shot on the box, so I got down very low and got the box angle.


I then added Greg.


Out of Focus Virtual Greg looks like he is having an awesome time.

Subway's 1st Grade Assignment

My son, Greg, brought home his visualization assignment from 1st grade. He did pretty good:


Accidentally stuck to his assignment was his classmate Subway's assignment:


Now I understand.

Towel Day is May 25th

Help to honor the life of Douglas Adams by celebrating Towel Day.

Here are some things you can do with your towel:
carry small stuff
drag bigger stuff
drape it over stuff too big to drag
don it
wrap it around your head
hide contraband
detain people with contraband
hide your shame
shame your hide
table cloth
somewhere to put sand when you are at the beach
emergency coffee filter
flag
gag
rag
makeshift bra
loin cloth
makeshift bra and loin cloth combo
sling
hands-on science museum speed of sound demonstration

And if you run out of ideas, you can use it to lay on in a field at night, stare up at the stars and thank Douglas Adams for making the Universe a much better place to be insignificant in.

Please feel free to add your own towel ideas in the comments.




Super Desserts

Love this: Funeral

Super Desserts - Funeral from Ohio Sessions on Vimeo.


What are you still doing here? Go listen to more of their stuff! http://superdesserts.bandcamp.com/album/banjo-forever.


Get on it before they decide to break up and build a barn.

Silky

I'm not sure you remember this, but at one time in your life, you were a virgin. And then all of a sudden, you weren't. For girls, I assume it was traumatic and disappointing. Quick and forgettable. Maybe it was painful or is some rare cases, flowery and orgasmic. For guys, it's all exactly the same experience.

For a number of years, I traveled with a science museum exhibit. I was in Syracuse for four months and I met Mike. Mike was the first guy I met on the road that was about my age and had his shit together. He showed me the town and we had an occasional drink occasionally.

Conversation usually turned to girls. And sex.

Mike said that there is only one way to describe how it feels when a boy puts his pee pee inside a girl. Especially that first time. He said it and it didn't sound dirty and it didn't sound bad. It sounded just like I remember it.

Silky.

We laughed because it was true. Later on, we'd be in the middle of a conversation and someone would say, "silky." Normally you would stretch it out: sillllky. It was great to drop it into conversation when there were three or four people in the room. We'd always laugh and then we'd pause because in our minds we would go back to that time. Silky.

My stay was too short and soon I was packing up to leave. Without my knowledge, Mike took a piece of packing tape and slapped it on the side of my traveling filing cabinet. On it he wrote, "Silky." As we were loading the trucks I saw the tape and laughed out loud. I'm sure, because it feels so good to say it, I said out loud, "Silky." And then I paused to think.

Months later my time as exhibit manager was up and I handed the exhibit over to Dave. I trained him for a few days and left the exhibit for the last time.

Dave would call from time to time with questions. One day his question was why the word "silky" was written on the side of the filing cabinet. Telling him was hilarious.

Tonight as I was chatting with Dave via IM, I asked him what story I should write about.

"Silky."

And now I stop and pause to think...

Best Photo from the Surprise Birthday Party

Love you Jenn and Two-Sack for pulling this one off:

best-photo-of-the-night

Sarah Palin Begins to Interview Potential Presidential Candidates to Run with in 2012

COLUMBUS (HJ) - Many guessed that Ex-Governor Sarah Palin would run in 2012, but all that was speculation until today. Sarah Palin announced this morning that she will begin her Vice Presidential run for the White House in 2012 by interviewing prospective Presidential running mates. Mrs. Palin stated in her press conference, “The American voting heroes are demanding new change and I plan to bring that new change as a person running for the position of Vice President. I am interviewing some of the best and brightest people that proud flag hanging over this great land of ours for the President job.”

In this daring move, Sarah Palin plans on running as Vice President and she wishes to do so with the best potential Presidential candidate possible. “Freedom loving Americans want freedom to love in America and I plan on being the vice candidate that stands next to the candidate that can do that thing.” She will personally interview and question each potential Presidential candidate.

While the list of potential running mates is a secret, we were given a peek at the interview questions when we dug through the trash dumpster of the hotel where the press conference took place. On the crumpled pages, some of the more serious questions included: “What is your foreign policy?” and “What role do you think you will have in my administration?” Other questions towards the bottom of the list were, “What newspapers do you read?” and “Who is your favorite G.I. Joe character? (If they say Destro they are pre-fired.”)

This is the first time in American history where a person has decided to run for Vice President and not first seek the office of the President. We attempted to ask Sarah Palin about this strategic move, but we had not sent this question 48 hours in advance to her Strategic Media Force, so we were unable to get an answer.

I Kissed an Astronaut

Back in 1999, I worked with a team of people designing exhibits for a science museum in Columbus, OH. At the time, the CEO of the company was ex-astronaut Dr. Kathy Sullivan. She had been up in space and had worked on the Hubble project. I am a bit of a cut up and had a pleasant relationship with Kathy. Basically, I fucked around a lot and she could see right through the thin veil of professionalism I pretended to wear. So we got along swell.

As the project was wrapping up, the museum held a big function at the new building and every team member got to come up and get a photo with Kathy and the CEO of Nationwide Insurance, Dimon McPherson. Team members would step up, Kathy would say hello and shake their hand, Dimon would shake your hand and the photographer would snap the photo. Here is how the photo with everyone else looked.




Well, not everyone looked like Stu, but you get the point.

When it was my turn to go up, I wanted to do something different.

I stepped up on the stage, said hello to Kathy, shook Dimon's hand... and then right when I thought the photographer was about to take the shot, I turned to lean down and kiss Kathy on the cheek.

This would have just been plain funny if she hadn't had the same idea at the same time. So she turned her head a leaned up to kiss my cheek.

We met in the middle and our lips brushed.

The professional photographer, being professional and all, noticed all the head turning and waited just a bit too long to snap the photo. So instead of that AWESOME photo of Kathy and I making out, you get this one:



Kathy and I laughing it up at the kiss collision and Dimon not really knowing what to think.

Good times. Good times.

Now that I've got Sullivan off the list, now on to Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova.

Are you a douche?

Are you a douche? Let's find out!

Question 1: Were you at the My Morning Jacket show in Columbus, OH on May 2nd?

Question 2: Did you shove and push your way through the crowd twenty minutes into the show to get closer to the stage?

Question 3: When asked to move did you smugly turn around and laugh.

THEN YOU ARE A DOUCHE.

Congratulations!

Bonus points to the chick in the Ohio State University jacket that literally shoved the fuckers sideways to help them move on.

(I highly suggest reading the comments below... Levi has a real good one.)