This photo was attached to a Craigslist posting that is sadly not available anymore.
Now I can't stop saying, "Tars" in a Southern Ohio accent.
Thanks to @jeffisbiking from Twitter!
Free Tars
This photo was attached to a Craigslist posting that is sadly not available anymore.
Now I can't stop saying, "Tars" in a Southern Ohio accent.
Thanks to @jeffisbiking from Twitter!
Ask HolyJuan: Neighbors Park on Our Side of the Street
Dear Holy Juan,
I have a little dilemma that needs to be handled with tact.
Our new neighbors keep parking their car in front of our house. We both have garages. We both have driveways. We both have the same amount of curb space. But they put their car in front of our house. They park in such a way that it takes up the space where two cars could fit. Of course, it also blocks our view, and our guests are forced to park far away.
Well, of course, our guests could park in front of their house. I've told a few friends to do this. They said our neighbors were outside at the time and glared at them as they got out of the car and walked over to our house.
I don't know what action to take. I thought of leaving a note, but I don't know what to say.
These neighbors are new to this country, and they kind of keep to themselves. I don't want to cause offense. I just want them to move their car!
--- Kristen
Dear --- Kristen,
I have a plan.
I’m assuming that your new neighbors are French because they sound like real assholes.
You may want a pen to write this down. Or I guess you could just print it.
First, you will need to get a cat. If you have one, great. If you do not, even better because cats are horrible pets. I have two and I would give you both of them for this if I had the chance. So if you do not have a cat, borrow one.
Now, you are going to need to find a dead cat that looks like your cat / your borrowed cat. They are all over the place so just get a cooler, some dry ice and put the dead cat in the cooler for transportation back to your freezer. Make sure it’s really dead or you’ll be really mad at yourself when that little fucker leaps out of the cooler and tears your eyes out.
Next, you’ll want to go to the neighbor’s house with the live cat in hand. Knock on the door and tell them that you saw them almost run over your cat when they parked in front of your house. Ask them if they would park on their side to avoid killing your cat. At this point, if they truly are French, they will ignore you.
The next time they park in your spot, thaw out the dead cat in the microwave (you may want to put some paper towels down) and then put the dead cat under their front wheel. Make sure you take lots of photos. Then go to their door and accuse them of killing your cat.
When they go to examine the dead cat, hit the red button on the remote control that detonates the explosive charge that you hid inside the dead cat’s body. Hopefully you’ll have used enough C4 to both kill the car owner and blow the car over on to their side of the street.
My work here is done.
Best of luck with the Frenchies!
HJ
I have a little dilemma that needs to be handled with tact.
Our new neighbors keep parking their car in front of our house. We both have garages. We both have driveways. We both have the same amount of curb space. But they put their car in front of our house. They park in such a way that it takes up the space where two cars could fit. Of course, it also blocks our view, and our guests are forced to park far away.
Well, of course, our guests could park in front of their house. I've told a few friends to do this. They said our neighbors were outside at the time and glared at them as they got out of the car and walked over to our house.
I don't know what action to take. I thought of leaving a note, but I don't know what to say.
These neighbors are new to this country, and they kind of keep to themselves. I don't want to cause offense. I just want them to move their car!
--- Kristen
Dear --- Kristen,
I have a plan.
I’m assuming that your new neighbors are French because they sound like real assholes.
You may want a pen to write this down. Or I guess you could just print it.
First, you will need to get a cat. If you have one, great. If you do not, even better because cats are horrible pets. I have two and I would give you both of them for this if I had the chance. So if you do not have a cat, borrow one.
Now, you are going to need to find a dead cat that looks like your cat / your borrowed cat. They are all over the place so just get a cooler, some dry ice and put the dead cat in the cooler for transportation back to your freezer. Make sure it’s really dead or you’ll be really mad at yourself when that little fucker leaps out of the cooler and tears your eyes out.
Next, you’ll want to go to the neighbor’s house with the live cat in hand. Knock on the door and tell them that you saw them almost run over your cat when they parked in front of your house. Ask them if they would park on their side to avoid killing your cat. At this point, if they truly are French, they will ignore you.
The next time they park in your spot, thaw out the dead cat in the microwave (you may want to put some paper towels down) and then put the dead cat under their front wheel. Make sure you take lots of photos. Then go to their door and accuse them of killing your cat.
When they go to examine the dead cat, hit the red button on the remote control that detonates the explosive charge that you hid inside the dead cat’s body. Hopefully you’ll have used enough C4 to both kill the car owner and blow the car over on to their side of the street.
My work here is done.
Best of luck with the Frenchies!
HJ
Erik Eats: Whistle Candy - The Sound and the Tasty
This week, Erik delves into both music and deliciousness. This edition of Erik Eats presents the holiness that is CORIS Whistle Candy.
It looks like a bunch of Life Savers with a box, but we have been fooled before, so we'll take this step by step.
Erik asks, how do I open it?
.JPG)
Use the easy open corner tab!
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Erik uses to easy open corner tab and reveals the white roundness inside.
.JPG)
There is a box inside and so Erik opens it to reveal...
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A Ring! A real plastic fake ring!
.JPG)
Erik is overcome with emotion and decides in the spur of the moment to propose to Josh.
.JPG)
While Josh was also overtaken by emotion, he had to turn Erik down as Josh is married to the stage and the stage is already screwing Josh and she does not take kindly to cheaters.
Erik found poor Kim and pretended like she was actually his first pick.
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She shot him down and Erik was sad.
But then Erik realized there was only one other person out there in the big empty that was good enough for Erik.
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He said YES!
After they consummated the moment, we got back to the candy.
The candy is a bit lighter in weight and fatter in size than life savers. There must be something going on inside.
.JPG)
We got out the blade and started choppin'.
.JPG)
They are hollow! Maybe this is what the whistle part of whistle candy is all about.
.JPG)
Before consuming this hollow treat, Erik tries to get it to whistle.
What this doesn't show is that five minutes later I tried one of the candies and whistled loudly enough to have the marketing folks crawl out of their Luxury Suite Cubicles and ask us what the fuck we were doing.
And then it was time for the tasting. Erik eats...
.JPG)
And...
.JPG)
It's good!
Next week: boiled goat num num nums.
It looks like a bunch of Life Savers with a box, but we have been fooled before, so we'll take this step by step.
Erik asks, how do I open it?
.JPG)
Use the easy open corner tab!
.JPG)
Erik uses to easy open corner tab and reveals the white roundness inside.
.JPG)
There is a box inside and so Erik opens it to reveal...
.JPG)
A Ring! A real plastic fake ring!
.JPG)
Erik is overcome with emotion and decides in the spur of the moment to propose to Josh.
.JPG)
While Josh was also overtaken by emotion, he had to turn Erik down as Josh is married to the stage and the stage is already screwing Josh and she does not take kindly to cheaters.
Erik found poor Kim and pretended like she was actually his first pick.
.JPG)
She shot him down and Erik was sad.
But then Erik realized there was only one other person out there in the big empty that was good enough for Erik.
.jpg)
He said YES!
After they consummated the moment, we got back to the candy.
The candy is a bit lighter in weight and fatter in size than life savers. There must be something going on inside.
.JPG)
We got out the blade and started choppin'.
.JPG)
They are hollow! Maybe this is what the whistle part of whistle candy is all about.
.JPG)
Before consuming this hollow treat, Erik tries to get it to whistle.
What this doesn't show is that five minutes later I tried one of the candies and whistled loudly enough to have the marketing folks crawl out of their Luxury Suite Cubicles and ask us what the fuck we were doing.
And then it was time for the tasting. Erik eats...
.JPG)
And...
.JPG)
It's good!
Next week: boiled goat num num nums.
Zesty
Years ago, Taco Bell ran a series of commercials in which two guys would say "Zesty!" back and forth to each other in various, different inflections. There were only two people on Earth (besides the two actors this ad employed) that enjoyed these commercials.
Those two people were Dave and me.
With the advent of YouTube, we thought that someday we'd be able to watch these videos at our leisure. But since we are the only two people who liked the commercials, no one has bothered to post them.
And so we wait.
But until then, whenever someone in a conversation says the word "zesty," I immediately step all over the rest of their sentence, jump in and say "ZESTY!!"
Dave sent me this photo because he, too, waits.
If you have seen the video on-line, please let us know.
Those two people were Dave and me.
With the advent of YouTube, we thought that someday we'd be able to watch these videos at our leisure. But since we are the only two people who liked the commercials, no one has bothered to post them.
And so we wait.
But until then, whenever someone in a conversation says the word "zesty," I immediately step all over the rest of their sentence, jump in and say "ZESTY!!"
Dave sent me this photo because he, too, waits.
If you have seen the video on-line, please let us know.
Hidden Word
Can you find the hidden word in this color blind test pattern?
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The hidden word is GULLIBLE.
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The hidden word is GULLIBLE.
The washer that is 2/2 times better than the leading brand
I had to look twice to figure out where the 1/2" washers were in the parts list.
Top Ten Most Stupid Conflicts
While the United States Invasion of Iraq was pretty stupid, it is not in the Top Ten of Most Stupid Conflicts. They are:
10. The Salisbury Steak War of 1949
9. Fredrickson and Lewis Picket Fence Property Line Dispute of 2003
8. Kramer v Kramer 1979
7. Ohio University Panty Raid, Martzolf House, September 24th – October 8th 1990
6. The Franchise War 2015 – 2030 (Taco Bell victorious)
5. The British Invasion 1964 to 1966
4. Coke v Pepsi 1903 – ongoing
3. The Four Day Invasion of Bob’s Bar
2. War on Drugs 1971 – 2009
1. Boxers v Briefs (Death toll: 16,345,398)
10. The Salisbury Steak War of 1949
9. Fredrickson and Lewis Picket Fence Property Line Dispute of 2003
8. Kramer v Kramer 1979
7. Ohio University Panty Raid, Martzolf House, September 24th – October 8th 1990
6. The Franchise War 2015 – 2030 (Taco Bell victorious)
5. The British Invasion 1964 to 1966
4. Coke v Pepsi 1903 – ongoing
3. The Four Day Invasion of Bob’s Bar
2. War on Drugs 1971 – 2009
1. Boxers v Briefs (Death toll: 16,345,398)
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