Shower Curtain Practical Joke (NSFW)

(CAUTION: This post is not safe for work, small children and most of the Middle East.)

Kim and Shorty held their mostly annual Christmas party this year and John decided to liven up the event via a shower curtain he purchased on the internet.

He originally meant to buy the (you don't want to click on this link)FISTING SHOWER CURTAIN, but it was probably so wildly popular that it was sold out and he instead got the SMDB curtain.

John was giddy when he and Bekah arrived at the party. They sneaked up to the guest bathroom and were relieved when the guest bathroom shower curtain hooks would work with their gift. They hung it up and the upstairs was immediatley filled with a stinky, chemical vinyl smell. Or it was a scratch and sniff curtain.

Here is the curtain installed:


Miss Sally and Lynne enjoying the curtain:

I never noticed it before, but the black shirts make it look like Miss Sally and Lynne are groping each other!

It took about two hours for Kim and Shorty to figure out the curtain was up. I assume they kept it up for a few months becuase they enjoyed it so much.

Automobile Driving Pledge

Read this pledge. Agree to it by signing your name in the comments. Print out the Driving Pledge Membership Card. If you get pulled over, it won’t help you get out of a ticket, but it will give the officer a good laugh.

1. I pledge to follow all the driving laws of my state. When I am in your state, I’ll try to follow those, too.

2. I pledge not to drive like a douche, except in such situations that would conflict with Pledge 1.

3. I pledge to only be in the passing lane to pass a slower moving vehicle and that I will pass said slower vehicle at up to 33% over the speed limit so that I don’t slow down the people behind me. I also realize and accept that this violates Pledge 1.

4. I pledge to only break Pledge 1 when following Pledge 3 or Pledge 5.

5. I pledge to follow all these pledges, except for Pledge 4 when it conflicts with this one.

Did you see how Discovery Channel will pay for Palin's new show?

My Guess - Opera Mini

I tired to guess December 31, 2999 at 23:59:59 but it defaulted to January 19th, 2039 3:14:07. I wonder why that date is special.

Rejected

Sadly, GQ rejected me in 2009 for their next year's calendar. They finally sent my photo back:

It took me about half an hour to get down from there.

Math Problem is a Problem

Can anyone help me with this 1st grade level math problem?

How Long is Your Finger?

My co-worker, Levi, decided to not deal with the hassle of carrying around a 3 inch ruler, so he had one tattooed on his finger. I'm sure it is a great idea, but now in Levi's language there are only things that are less than 3" and more than 3".

Eating an Eagle

A man is brought before the judge. He was found by park rangers, in the middle of the forest, eating a bald eagle. The judge said, "Before I lock you up, I'll give you a chance to explain yourself."

The man fell to his knees on the floor. "Your honor! I had been lost in the woods for days. I was starving to death when I came upon an already dead eagle! I ate it to survive!

The judge believed the man and let him off. He called the man to the bench and whispered to him, "So I've always wondered... what does a Bald Eagle taste like?"

The man thought and then answered, "Like a cross between a Passenger Pigeon and a Tasmanian Tiger."

Census Letter

Did you get the Census letter about the pamphlet about the postcard?

Getting it out of the way

Normally, my 1st grader has one word family word each week (words with the same ending like big, rig and dig.) This week he had two. I'm starting to think the teacher is trying to wrap it all up in one week.

Next week's word families: _hit and _unt.