The $10,000,000 Mayan Calendar Bet
The Mayan calendar ends on December 21st, 2012. There are many who claim that the world will end on that December 21st or the next business day.
I am here to make a wager with these so called apocalyptic soothsayers. If you are willing to stand behind your foresight or stand in front of your hind-sight, I will make the following bet with you:
If the world does not end on December 21st, 2012 (or the following business day), you will owe me $1 (one American dollar.)
If the world does end on December 21st, 2021 (or the following business day), I will pay you $10,000,000 (ten million American dollars.)
The following are acceptable apocalypses:
• Disease/Plague that wipes out 99.9% of the population
• Solar Winds that rape the Earth of its atmosphere and turn us into mutants
• Nuclear Winter population extinction (extended cold period caused by nuclear bombs)
• Nucular Winter population extinction (Nuclear Winter caused by George Bush)
• Biblical Proportion of Something
• Flood (no ark allowed)
• Impact event
• Shit Tornado (well worth the ten million my friend)
• Multi-Volcanic eruption
• Alien Invasion (enslavement will cancel the bet)
• Zombies
If you would like to take this bet, please contact me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
I am here to make a wager with these so called apocalyptic soothsayers. If you are willing to stand behind your foresight or stand in front of your hind-sight, I will make the following bet with you:
If the world does not end on December 21st, 2012 (or the following business day), you will owe me $1 (one American dollar.)
If the world does end on December 21st, 2021 (or the following business day), I will pay you $10,000,000 (ten million American dollars.)
The following are acceptable apocalypses:
• Disease/Plague that wipes out 99.9% of the population
• Solar Winds that rape the Earth of its atmosphere and turn us into mutants
• Nuclear Winter population extinction (extended cold period caused by nuclear bombs)
• Nucular Winter population extinction (Nuclear Winter caused by George Bush)
• Biblical Proportion of Something
• Flood (no ark allowed)
• Impact event
• Shit Tornado (well worth the ten million my friend)
• Multi-Volcanic eruption
• Alien Invasion (enslavement will cancel the bet)
• Zombies
If you would like to take this bet, please contact me at holyjuan@gmail.com.
Things one can have while in college (revised)
I saw a chart on line that needed edited to conform to my reality.
Morning chat with Dave
Dave is in Maine. Even though they DO have phones there, it takes him so long to spin the rotary dial that we just chat on-line instead. Here was our conversation this morning. (Please don't tell Miss Sally about her gift. Or the other parts of this.)
8:48 AM - SMILEY: so are you wrapping gifts today or are you superdad?
8:48 AM - HOLYJUAN: neither
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: well, I could wrap sallys gift (ipod)
8:49 AM - SMILEY: nice...nano, shuffle, or old school
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: Nano, 8G
8:49 AM - SMILEY: color?
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: green
8:50 AM - SMILEY: cool...she'll love it.
8:50 AM - HOLYJUAN: I stole it from a 13 year old
8:50 AM - SMILEY: Antona gets a carton of smokes and a scarf this year
8:50 AM - HOLYJUAN: Can you get filtered? That heavy smoke bothers my eyes after sex.
8:51 AM - SMILEY: Merry Christmas
8:51 AM - HOLYJUAN: And a scarf that doesn’t knot so tightly
8:51 AM - HOLYJUAN: Doesn't knot? Is that a double negative?
8:52 AM - SMILEY: I'll see about the scarf...
8:48 AM - SMILEY: so are you wrapping gifts today or are you superdad?
8:48 AM - HOLYJUAN: neither
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: well, I could wrap sallys gift (ipod)
8:49 AM - SMILEY: nice...nano, shuffle, or old school
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: Nano, 8G
8:49 AM - SMILEY: color?
8:49 AM - HOLYJUAN: green
8:50 AM - SMILEY: cool...she'll love it.
8:50 AM - HOLYJUAN: I stole it from a 13 year old
8:50 AM - SMILEY: Antona gets a carton of smokes and a scarf this year
8:50 AM - HOLYJUAN: Can you get filtered? That heavy smoke bothers my eyes after sex.
8:51 AM - SMILEY: Merry Christmas
8:51 AM - HOLYJUAN: And a scarf that doesn’t knot so tightly
8:51 AM - HOLYJUAN: Doesn't knot? Is that a double negative?
8:52 AM - SMILEY: I'll see about the scarf...
Eric Hutchinson
Over Thanksgiving, Sally’s brother took us to see Eric Hutchinson at the Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland.
It was an awesome show.
Eric Hutchinson is a cool cat. A younger dude with two other guys in the band. He splits his time between the keyboard, guitar and cracking wise. His music is soul and a hint of pop. I would say he’s like Jack Johnson right after getting dumped and then punched in the head by Stevie Wonder, but I’m horrible with comparisons.
After the show, we were hanging out in the back bar. Eric stuck around and was hanging out with some of the locals. Somehow a cake appeared. I’m not sure if the bar got it for Eric or if Eric has cake in his rider. Either way, he offered us a piece. Cool cat.
Check out Eric at http://erichutchinson.com
Do me a favor and vote for him over at Yahoo for performer of the month.
http://music.yahoo.com/promo-29644410
It was an awesome show.
Eric Hutchinson is a cool cat. A younger dude with two other guys in the band. He splits his time between the keyboard, guitar and cracking wise. His music is soul and a hint of pop. I would say he’s like Jack Johnson right after getting dumped and then punched in the head by Stevie Wonder, but I’m horrible with comparisons.
After the show, we were hanging out in the back bar. Eric stuck around and was hanging out with some of the locals. Somehow a cake appeared. I’m not sure if the bar got it for Eric or if Eric has cake in his rider. Either way, he offered us a piece. Cool cat.
Check out Eric at http://erichutchinson.com
Do me a favor and vote for him over at Yahoo for performer of the month.
http://music.yahoo.com/promo-29644410
Two Cool States
There are only two states that have not recorded a high temperature past the 100 degree Fahrenheit mark. One is easy to guess, the other not so much.
Alaska, of course.
Any guesses? (I guessed Maine and was wrong.) Before I reveal the answer, here is the chart on the highest temperatures recorded by state.
State high temperature records
State Temp Date
Alabama..........112 ..........Sept. 5, 1925
Alaska ..........100 ..........June 27, 1915
Arizona ..........128 .......... June 29, 1994
Arkansas ..........120 ..........Aug. 10, 1936
California ..........134 ..........July 10, 1913
Colorado ..........118 ..........July 11, 1888
Connecticut ..........106 ..........July 15, 1995
Delaware ..........110 ..........July 21, 1930
Florida ..........109 ..........June 29, 1931
Georgia ..........112 ..........July 24, 1952
Hawaii ..........100 ..........April 27,1931
Idaho ..........118 ..........July 28, 1934
Illinois ..........117 ..........July 14, 1954
Indiana ..........116.......... July 14, 1936
Iowa ..........118 ..........July 20, 1934
Kansas ..........121 ..........July 24, 1936
Kentucky ..........114 ..........July 28, 1930
Louisiana ..........114 ..........Aug. 10, 1936
Maine ..........105 ..........July 10, 1911
Maryland ..........109 ..........July 10, 1936
Massachusetts ..........107 ..........Aug. 2, 1975
Michigan ..........112 ..........July 13, 1936
Minnesota ..........114 ..........July 6, 1936
Mississippi ..........115 ..........July 29, 1930
Missouri ..........118 ..........July 14, 1954
Montana ..........117 ..........July 5, 1937
Nebraska ..........118 ..........July 24, 1936
Nevada ..........125 ..........June 29, 1994
New Hampshire ..........106 ..........July 4, 1911
New Jersey ..........110 ..........July 10, 1936
New Mexico ..........122 ..........June 27, 1994
New York ..........108 ..........July 22, 1926
North Carolina ..........110 ..........Aug. 21, 1983
North Dakota ..........121 ..........July 6, 1936
Ohio ..........113 ..........July 21, 1934
Oklahoma ..........120 ..........June 27, 1994
Oregon ..........119 ..........Aug. 10, 1898
Pennsylvania ..........111 ..........July 10, 1936
Rhode Island ..........104 ..........Aug. 2, 1975
South Carolina ..........111 ..........June 28, 1954
South Dakota ..........120 ..........July 15, 2006
Tennessee ..........113 ..........Aug. 9, 1930
Texas ..........120 ..........Aug. 12, 1936
Utah ..........117 ..........July 5, 1985
Vermont ..........105 ..........July 4, 1911
Virginia ..........110 ..........July 15, 1954
Washington ..........118 ..........Aug. 5, 1961
West Virginia ..........112 ..........July 10, 1936
Wisconsin ..........114 ..........July 13, 1936
Wyoming ..........116 ..........Aug. 8, 1983
That’s right! Alaska and Hawaii.
Hawaii is surrounded by the Pacific Ocean and cooling ocean breezes are enough to keep it from reaching the higher temperatures.
Source: U.S. National Climatic Data Center (last updated August 2006)
Alaska, of course.
Any guesses? (I guessed Maine and was wrong.) Before I reveal the answer, here is the chart on the highest temperatures recorded by state.
State high temperature records
State Temp Date
Alabama..........112 ..........Sept. 5, 1925
Alaska ..........100 ..........June 27, 1915
Arizona ..........128 .......... June 29, 1994
Arkansas ..........120 ..........Aug. 10, 1936
California ..........134 ..........July 10, 1913
Colorado ..........118 ..........July 11, 1888
Connecticut ..........106 ..........July 15, 1995
Delaware ..........110 ..........July 21, 1930
Florida ..........109 ..........June 29, 1931
Georgia ..........112 ..........July 24, 1952
Hawaii ..........100 ..........April 27,1931
Idaho ..........118 ..........July 28, 1934
Illinois ..........117 ..........July 14, 1954
Indiana ..........116.......... July 14, 1936
Iowa ..........118 ..........July 20, 1934
Kansas ..........121 ..........July 24, 1936
Kentucky ..........114 ..........July 28, 1930
Louisiana ..........114 ..........Aug. 10, 1936
Maine ..........105 ..........July 10, 1911
Maryland ..........109 ..........July 10, 1936
Massachusetts ..........107 ..........Aug. 2, 1975
Michigan ..........112 ..........July 13, 1936
Minnesota ..........114 ..........July 6, 1936
Mississippi ..........115 ..........July 29, 1930
Missouri ..........118 ..........July 14, 1954
Montana ..........117 ..........July 5, 1937
Nebraska ..........118 ..........July 24, 1936
Nevada ..........125 ..........June 29, 1994
New Hampshire ..........106 ..........July 4, 1911
New Jersey ..........110 ..........July 10, 1936
New Mexico ..........122 ..........June 27, 1994
New York ..........108 ..........July 22, 1926
North Carolina ..........110 ..........Aug. 21, 1983
North Dakota ..........121 ..........July 6, 1936
Ohio ..........113 ..........July 21, 1934
Oklahoma ..........120 ..........June 27, 1994
Oregon ..........119 ..........Aug. 10, 1898
Pennsylvania ..........111 ..........July 10, 1936
Rhode Island ..........104 ..........Aug. 2, 1975
South Carolina ..........111 ..........June 28, 1954
South Dakota ..........120 ..........July 15, 2006
Tennessee ..........113 ..........Aug. 9, 1930
Texas ..........120 ..........Aug. 12, 1936
Utah ..........117 ..........July 5, 1985
Vermont ..........105 ..........July 4, 1911
Virginia ..........110 ..........July 15, 1954
Washington ..........118 ..........Aug. 5, 1961
West Virginia ..........112 ..........July 10, 1936
Wisconsin ..........114 ..........July 13, 1936
Wyoming ..........116 ..........Aug. 8, 1983
That’s right! Alaska and Hawaii.
Hawaii is surrounded by the Pacific Ocean and cooling ocean breezes are enough to keep it from reaching the higher temperatures.
Source: U.S. National Climatic Data Center (last updated August 2006)
HolyJuan in Hungary
I drew a cartoon back in 06' about using World of Warcraft in job interviews. It looked like this:
A story about NOT using WoW in job interviews came out and my cartoon became a little popular around the world. A site in Hungary picked it up and translated it for all the Hungary people:
This just might be the greatest accomplishment of my life.
A story about NOT using WoW in job interviews came out and my cartoon became a little popular around the world. A site in Hungary picked it up and translated it for all the Hungary people:
This just might be the greatest accomplishment of my life.
Can you find seven things wrong with this photo?
Dave moved to Maine and here he is in his new house. Can you find seven things wrong with this photo? (click to enlarge)
Skully’s Sign Language
Skully’s is a very loud place and communication can be difficult. Yelling, “You are smoking hot!” to a chick can be easily misinterpreted as, “I have dog shit on my foot!”
To avoid confusion, we have developed a series of hand gestures to help you communicate during your time of need.
I can drink a lot more
A very common question at Skully's is, "You want another drink?" This is non-verbally communicated through one of several common gestures. The answer, though, should not be passed off with a simple "yes" head bob. Instead, try the following:
Hands to the sides and say, “I can drink…….”
(Pause for effect) Raise them above your head, “A LOT MORE!”
Back off Bitch!
Sometimes a woman cannot control herself and will attack you bodily on the dance floor. If she cannot hear you yell at her to back the fuck off, whip off your belt and give her this non-verbal signal to the head.
Punch to the Bald Head
Are you sick and tired of bald guys getting all the hot chicks? What I really hate is when two of them show up to the bar and exponentially scoop up all the hotties. When you finally grow weary of this, pop the following hand gesture on the hairless bastards to break things up.
I'm Married
Skully's is a dangerous place for a married man. Young, hot chicks can smell a keeper and they will thrust themselves upon you. When you find yourself in this situation below:
Pull back and point at the ring:
You might break the youngin's heart, but it's best to get it over quickly.
You might have to repeat this often throughout the night in different situations.
Two Many Witnesses
Sometimes you will meet a hot chick that wants to ride you around the dance floor like an 120v electric bull on 220v. Sadly, many of the friends you came to Skully's with would disapprove of your contact with said young lady. To share your disappointment with a colleague who understands your predicament, use the following series of hang gestures
Too
Many
Witnesses
Chicks I've Banged Tonight
Sometimes it's OK to brag. Hold up those fingers and let the people know how many worlds you've rocked that night.
Marry Me
At Skully's, anything can happy. Love flows like melting records at a World Harvest Church Music Burning. If the moment is right and the love in your heart cannot be contained, buy a $5 rose from the guy with the bucket of $1 roses, drop to one knee and profess your silent love.
I am the Happiest Man in the World Right Now
Hard to arrange. Difficult not to get beat by your wife once she sees it. Worth every second.
To avoid confusion, we have developed a series of hand gestures to help you communicate during your time of need.
I can drink a lot more
A very common question at Skully's is, "You want another drink?" This is non-verbally communicated through one of several common gestures. The answer, though, should not be passed off with a simple "yes" head bob. Instead, try the following:
Hands to the sides and say, “I can drink…….”
(Pause for effect) Raise them above your head, “A LOT MORE!”
Back off Bitch!
Sometimes a woman cannot control herself and will attack you bodily on the dance floor. If she cannot hear you yell at her to back the fuck off, whip off your belt and give her this non-verbal signal to the head.
Punch to the Bald Head
Are you sick and tired of bald guys getting all the hot chicks? What I really hate is when two of them show up to the bar and exponentially scoop up all the hotties. When you finally grow weary of this, pop the following hand gesture on the hairless bastards to break things up.
I'm Married
Skully's is a dangerous place for a married man. Young, hot chicks can smell a keeper and they will thrust themselves upon you. When you find yourself in this situation below:
Pull back and point at the ring:
You might break the youngin's heart, but it's best to get it over quickly.
You might have to repeat this often throughout the night in different situations.
Two Many Witnesses
Sometimes you will meet a hot chick that wants to ride you around the dance floor like an 120v electric bull on 220v. Sadly, many of the friends you came to Skully's with would disapprove of your contact with said young lady. To share your disappointment with a colleague who understands your predicament, use the following series of hang gestures
Too
Many
Witnesses
Chicks I've Banged Tonight
Sometimes it's OK to brag. Hold up those fingers and let the people know how many worlds you've rocked that night.
Marry Me
At Skully's, anything can happy. Love flows like melting records at a World Harvest Church Music Burning. If the moment is right and the love in your heart cannot be contained, buy a $5 rose from the guy with the bucket of $1 roses, drop to one knee and profess your silent love.
I am the Happiest Man in the World Right Now
Hard to arrange. Difficult not to get beat by your wife once she sees it. Worth every second.
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