I kissed a girl and then I went to hell

Our local free paper, The Other Paper, printed this photo of a local church and their opinion about a recent pop song.

Personally, I like to think that our God is an all loving God and that He would not frown upon an innocent make out session between two chicks. Ephesians 10:21 states, "And doth Mary did kiss Mary Magdalene on the lips and tasted the berries and doth she likened it."

Amen.

How to tell if a Boy/Girl likes or hates you

Understanding people can be very confusing, especially when emotions come into play. Here is a very simple guide to help you figure out when the opposite sex likes or does not like you.

FOR GIRLS
Signs that a boy hates you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you.

Signs that a boy likes you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you

FOR BOYS

Signs that a girl likes you:
1. She pretty much comes right out and tells you that she likes you

Signs that a girls hates you:
1. When she pretends that she likes you.

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

Photo via Jim Wilson/The New York Times

Palin's foreign affairs experience is put to the test

Sarah Palin's Boobs

Now those are two huge boobs.

When Jesus was a child

Who will McCain choose once Palin drops off the ticket?

I do not want to debate whether or not Governor Palin is going to drop off McCain’s ticket as Vice President… that is pretty much a given. As a matter of fact, I think McCain’s consultants preparing for it and are going to try to spin it for more media cycles.

But who will McCain pick next? He's got to out do himself again. Let’s look at the possibilities:

1. Hillary Clinton

Pros
-18 Million votes guaranteed!
-boobies
-she will unleash pent up vitriolic rage against Obama

Cons
-raving lunatic PUMAs and Clintonistas will simultaneously explode causing big mess
-might end up President if McCain dies
-Christian Conservatives would get caught in an infinite prayer feedback loop of praying to win and praying to lose.

2. Heath Ledger

Pros
-major Superstar
-wide appeal
-won’t say anything stupid
-cool accent

Cons
-dead
-even dead, can’t make McCain look younger or better
-Christian Conservatives don’t like guys that have sex with guys, even if it was just in a movie

3. Inanimate Carbon Rod

Pros
-Older than McCain thus making him look younger
-phallic
-Inanimate, which means it can’t fuck up
-TV star (young kids love it)
-easy to vet

Cons
-Rod is a gay name
-Christian Conservatives don’t like the periodic table

4. Hillary Clinton’s Pantsuit

Pros
-If you can’t get Hillary, it’s the next best thing
-won’t cry or eat your soul
-wash and wear

Cons
-Remnants of Bill on the back
-reversible
-Christian Conservatives don’t like female pants. It’s the devil’s stitchery.

5. The Statue of Liberty

Pros
-100% American (Although the French thing will come out later in the media.)
-Older than McCain but still slightly hot
-Good with dates, reads books, likes foreigners, knows her place and has a huge ass torch

Cons
-Freakishly tall
-hollow
-small boobs
Christian Conservatives don’t like unmarried women with careers

HolyJuan at Skreened.com

I know that 50% of my fans (one of you) have been asking me about HolyJuan apparel. Until recently, the only clothing you could buy was a pair of boxers with the stain that roughly looked like toast.

Now, BEHOLD! You can find HolyJuan t-shirts at skreened.com. They are a Columbus t-shirt company and I hope to sell one shirt in the next six months.

So far I only have one design.


Let me know if you want something personalized. Jesus cartoon shirts are sure to be next.

Buy me.

Greg Draws

Greg drew the picture below at pre-school.


Obviously this is a drawing of a tree with partial greening (a by-product of high acidic soil), a cornfield with two stalks of corn (the rest sold for Ethanol) and a boy with rockets in his hands, flying above it all with poop shooting out of his butt.

It reminded me of weebls-stuff.com cartoon called A Walk in the Woods.



Greg has never seen this cartoon and I'm wondering if I will be thinking about it at his first parent/teacher conference in November.

McCain's Plan B