Overcome by Emotion
Erik and Dave could not help themselves yesterday during the Ohio State win over Michigan. When the game was in the bag, they took the opportunity to let their overflow of emotions come to the surface in a physical show of their mutual love of football and each other.
Fix your virginity
If you lose your virginity and want to get it fixed, would you go to a cherry cobbler?
One Button Elevator?
Here is my doctor’s office elevator panel inside the elevator.
And here is my question: why should a building with only two floors have an elevator with two buttons? All you would need is one button that says, “Other Floor.”
I think I know why, but I’ll let you guess first.
And here is my question: why should a building with only two floors have an elevator with two buttons? All you would need is one button that says, “Other Floor.”
I think I know why, but I’ll let you guess first.
What happens after you eat a whole box of Boo Berry?
The kid flew around the house for about twenty minutes. The wife said his arms would give out, but they never did. We finally got a broom and trapped him in a corner. He pooped blue for three days.
Spot the Difference - Pirates
Can you see the three differences between the two photos?
1. sword missing
2. bead not dangling in face
3. hair out of place
1. sword missing
2. bead not dangling in face
3. hair out of place
Angry Sheep
This sheep scares me. He lives at the Columbus Zoo and when we visit, I always take his photo so that I can show other people why he scares me. I'm not sure if his teeth are sticking out or if he's just got an evil grin. He's definitely pissed at something and I think it's me.
Fox News Suffers Due to Writers Strike
The writers’ strike in Hollywood has programs like “The Tonight Show” and “The Office” stuck in rerun limbo. The strike has also affected Fox News’ ability to get their word out. 
David Jeffers, Fox News Producer lamented, “Without the writers, it’s pretty hard to create a day to day, positive spin on the war and Bush administration. We hate the striking bastards, but we need their creative flair.”
The writers’ strike, now well in to its first week, has caused Fox to re-run old news and focus on the weather. “We could really use a hurricane about now.” After a moment he changed his mind, “Well, actually it took about forty-two writers to get us though the last hurricane debacle… how about an earthquake?”
A Production Assistant, who chose to remain nameless, claimed that he had to write a recent story about the surge progress. “I kinda just used some action words and dropped in a few ‘terrorisms’… it actually wasn’t that tough.” The Production Assistant is credited for the claim that Al Qaeda was completely out of Baghdad. “Yeah, I made that up, too. But it seems to have stuck.”
Fox seems to have struck gold with OJ Simpson back in court. Their twelve hours of coverage actually doubled the amount of time OJ was actually in court. Jeffers added, “We are working on a brief to have the case moved to Reno so that we can stretch out the proceedings.”
“The hardest part of the week was not being able to make the overturning of Bush’s veto into a liberal slam fest. I’m sure those clever asshole writers would have thought of something.”
When asked about Bush’s trip to see the wounded veterans, Jeffers sighed and admitted, “We paid Limbaugh for some of his writers’ material. Most of his stuff comes in from Canada and Puerto Rico.”
Jeffers had one positive note. “Luckily we’ve got Hillary and Ron Paul campaigning out there. Some of the stuff they say… you just can't make that shit up.”
David Jeffers, Fox News Producer lamented, “Without the writers, it’s pretty hard to create a day to day, positive spin on the war and Bush administration. We hate the striking bastards, but we need their creative flair.”The writers’ strike, now well in to its first week, has caused Fox to re-run old news and focus on the weather. “We could really use a hurricane about now.” After a moment he changed his mind, “Well, actually it took about forty-two writers to get us though the last hurricane debacle… how about an earthquake?”
A Production Assistant, who chose to remain nameless, claimed that he had to write a recent story about the surge progress. “I kinda just used some action words and dropped in a few ‘terrorisms’… it actually wasn’t that tough.” The Production Assistant is credited for the claim that Al Qaeda was completely out of Baghdad. “Yeah, I made that up, too. But it seems to have stuck.”
Fox seems to have struck gold with OJ Simpson back in court. Their twelve hours of coverage actually doubled the amount of time OJ was actually in court. Jeffers added, “We are working on a brief to have the case moved to Reno so that we can stretch out the proceedings.”
“The hardest part of the week was not being able to make the overturning of Bush’s veto into a liberal slam fest. I’m sure those clever asshole writers would have thought of something.”
When asked about Bush’s trip to see the wounded veterans, Jeffers sighed and admitted, “We paid Limbaugh for some of his writers’ material. Most of his stuff comes in from Canada and Puerto Rico.”
Jeffers had one positive note. “Luckily we’ve got Hillary and Ron Paul campaigning out there. Some of the stuff they say… you just can't make that shit up.”
The Official List of Nudie Bar Rules
1. NO BODY GLITTER! LET THIS BE THE FIRST LAW.
2. All stripper perfume is allowed to initially smell like cotton candy or vanilla, but within five minutes of leaving the establishment, must transform to smell like church incense or library books.
3. Every private dance song will either be Alice’s Restaurant or In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
4. Any garment that is not see through must be removed before the second song.
5. No dancing into the second trimester.
6. All stripper names must be named after cars. This will enable men to speak freely about their experiences and not get a beat down from the women folk.
7. No lactating. I mean it.
8. Before you leave the nudie bar, attendants will change back your ones for larger bills that are crisp with no folds or creases.
9. The following types of tattoos must be covered in lap dance proof makeup:
-other guys’ names
-Simpsons characters
-spiders
-kids’ names
-any reference to Daddy
-“exit only”
10. No cesarean section scars over two feet long.
11. No piercings with sharp edges.
12. No biting. I know you might think that we think it is hot (it is), but it requires us have our buddies create larger, cover-up bruises and then excuses for the bruises.
13. All nipples should face forward between 15 degrees up and 35 degrees down. Any nipples facing more than 35 degrees down will be immediately fined $10 for every degree.
14. Any dance garment that is wider than 3” is completely illegal.
2. All stripper perfume is allowed to initially smell like cotton candy or vanilla, but within five minutes of leaving the establishment, must transform to smell like church incense or library books.
3. Every private dance song will either be Alice’s Restaurant or In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
4. Any garment that is not see through must be removed before the second song.
5. No dancing into the second trimester.
6. All stripper names must be named after cars. This will enable men to speak freely about their experiences and not get a beat down from the women folk.
7. No lactating. I mean it.
8. Before you leave the nudie bar, attendants will change back your ones for larger bills that are crisp with no folds or creases.
9. The following types of tattoos must be covered in lap dance proof makeup:
-other guys’ names
-Simpsons characters
-spiders
-kids’ names
-any reference to Daddy
-“exit only”
10. No cesarean section scars over two feet long.
11. No piercings with sharp edges.
12. No biting. I know you might think that we think it is hot (it is), but it requires us have our buddies create larger, cover-up bruises and then excuses for the bruises.
13. All nipples should face forward between 15 degrees up and 35 degrees down. Any nipples facing more than 35 degrees down will be immediately fined $10 for every degree.
14. Any dance garment that is wider than 3” is completely illegal.
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