That's Not How It Works

Tik checked the alignment one last time. Hayley’s hair had been getting in his eyes, blocking his vision, so he got a rubber band and bound it up in terrible ponytail. With her hair out of the way, he was able to look up and see that the blade would cut through her neck, then the Ziplock bag full of reincarnation potion, then through Tik’s neck, and into the time travel book. One tug on the rope that was positioned by his foot and his greatest dream would come true.

Tik had used all three of his wishes to get to this point. The genie was kind enough to work with Tik to not break any of the wish rules that came standard with a magic lamp. His initial wish to be reincarnated as Hayley was immediately shot down. But the genie did guide Tik to wish for Hayley to appear in front of him unconscious, for the reincarnation potion, and the time travel book. Tik had to build the guillotine system on his own, which he did come out better than the ponytail would. The rope pulley system that would trigger the blade was the last detail and harder than the blade-drop system. This was actually going to work.

Hayley had to be dead first before Tik could be reincarnated into her and he had to die soon after. He had no idea what was in the reincarnation potion, but the genie said it would work if it splashed into his open neck wound before he died. The time travel book would send him back in time, as Hayley, one year for every page that was cut. He decided to go back to 2004, so he put a metal plate between pages 22 and 23.

With his head on the book, the potion bag slumped over his neck, and Hayley over top of him, he was ready to trigger the blade.

“Forgive me, Hayley.” He closed his eyes and triggered the blade.

THUNK.

Tik opened his eyes and expected to see some kind of time travel blur or maybe the floor if it took his body a long time to die. Instead, he saw Surr with a big smile on his face. Surr had stopped the blade with his thick wooden arm. With his metal arm, he knocked Tik out.  

Haley woke up to an odd sight. There was a guillotine with two stacked men laying on it. The guy on top looked like he could have benched 250 pounds at his peak. The guy on the bottom had a wooden arm and laughed as if he hadn’t laughed in twenty years.

The blade dropped and Hayley watched as the two had their heads cut off, but then disappeared. There was no blood or evidence that the two were ever there. There was a discarded metal plate off to the side.

Surr woke up in the year 1623, reincarnated in Tik’s body. He smiled and said, “Now, I just need to invent fudge and a freezer.”