One of the best perks at my job is that we have a pop machine with twenty-five cent pop. On top of the machine is a Tupperware cup with at least $20 worth of quarters in it. If you need a pop you take a quarter, toss it in the machine and pick your poison. Sometimes the Tupperware container runs out and people start looking under the machine for quarters. Every few days, one of our admins will open up the machine, restock it and put the quarters in the container on the top.
Today I realized that those are the saddest quarters in the world.
Most quarters get to travel. From a pop machine to a bank to a meter to a video game and back to a pop machine. I assume that quarters have 30+ years of use in them and they get around. This is the best kind of quarter.
Then there are the quarters that got put into a jar five years ago and will not see the light of day ever again. These quarters give up on life and go into hibernation. Maybe a poker game or a late mortgage payment will bring them back to life. This is the second best type of quarter.
The quarters at my work are depressed. They sit on the machine. Then they feel movement… will it be into a slot machine or maybe for a gumball? A toll booth or taco bell? No. Into the pop machine. Then, three day later, back to the Tupperware on the top of the machine.
I will not stand for this.
Every day I am going to go into work with a few quarters. I’ll liberate the quarters from the top of the machine and then take them to my car. There they will live in my coin cup thing and wait to be spent on things like parking meters, Burger King, and peep shows at the dirty book store.
Some day, psychiatrists will name your condition "Holy Juan Syndrome".
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