HolyJuan's How To: Make coffee at work

We have free coffee at work. While I appreciate the sentiment, the instant coffee concentrate mixed with tepid water doesn't quite cut it. Luckily, Erik told me about a simple plastic device that will brew a single cup of coffee without the need for a large machine that would probably start a fire when I forget to turn it off.

Here's what you will need:

-individual coffee filter holder plastic funnel thingy
-no. 2 coffee filter (unbleached)
-coffee cup (huge size)
-cold water and a time machine or hot water
-Tupperware container

Insert filter into filter holder. It will never exactly conform to the holder so just live with it.

Fill filter with coffee. Use the amount as instructed on the side of the can:
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Then add three times that amount:
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I like a huge cup of coffee and as you can see the filter holder is too small to fit over the rim of the cup.
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I'm noticing that the cup is dirty from my previous cup of coffee I drank last week. Let me take that to the photoshop sink and wash it out:

Take the level and put it over the huge cup. Because the level is unlevel, you'll need to set the opposite end on the empty Tupperware container.
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Set your filter, filled with coffee grounds, on the level over the huge coffee cup:
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Go back in time four minutes and boil a large cup of water in the microwave for four minutes. Ensure you use Styrofoam to boil your water as the fluorocarbons give the coffee a nice cancery flavor.
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Pour the hot water into the filter and make sure it goes though the hole in the level and into the cup. Now is about the time you find out if your level has a hole in it or not.
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Mine has a hole in it and the cup below is filling up:
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Oh shit! GO back in time again and make sure your cup is big enough to hold all the hot water you just dumped in the filter holder. *BZAP* I'm back and my cup is big enough. You might not be able to dump all the hot water in the filter at once so be patient and watch how the hot water and coffee grounds interact. What images to you see in the grounds? A wave? A woman's face? THE DEVIL?
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Anonymous said...

Who do you work with that needs Pampers?

HolyJuan said...

Erik is very sensitive.

(It's actually our used blades container.)

Anonymous said...

I just bought one 4 days ago!!! Awesome!! Although, admitedly, mine did not come with the complimentary level and time machine.

Truffles said...

1. Insert filter in coffee machine, fill with coffee grounds.
2. Pour in some water, apply bodily fluids, whatever.
3. Press button.
4. Pee, come back, coffee is done (Please wash your cup. I'm scarred for life.)
5. Forget to turn off machine, burn down office, blame annoying intern.

*Time saved = 20 min. (I suggest you spend this time planning your vacation activities during the rebuild)*