Palin Preparing to Run for President in 2009

PROLIFIA, ALASKA- On an unusually warm day in Alaska, Governor Sarah Palin announced that she will be running for the office of the President of the United States. In 2009. Governor Palin thanked the crowd of over 350 and also thanked God for the pleasant weather, “It’s good to see the Lord is with us today. I’m not sure where He was last Tuesday, but who am I to question His ways?”

Governor Palin spoke very briefly about the failed McCain campaign and that there was not a lot of time to “mess around” which is why she is seeking the office for 2009. “We cannot waste any time while Barack Hussein Obama shoves these United States of America down the crapper. This is why I will be running for President of the United States in 2009.”

Attempts to share with Governor Palin that the election will not be held until 2012 were met with mild amusement from the Governor, “The McCain people tried to tell me the same thing, but we are gonna push on forward and never wave the white flag of surrender.”

The Ex-Vice Presidential candidate shook hands with the crowd and signed autographs. Governor Palin then descended upon a thrift shop where she purchased $15.25 worth of clothes. “Enough for the whole campaign!” The thrifty Governor Palin requested that her fans re-use the 2008 campaign signs, “Just cross out McCain and turn the 8 into a 9. We use that trick when filling our travel vouchers at the Governor’s mansion.”

When asked about a running partner and she quickly replied, “You media types can’t trick me this time! We’ve decided not to reveal my running mate until three days before the election so that we can ride the surge in the polls through the voting day stuff.”


Anonymous said...

Way to steal the idea from South Park...

The people demand more Eric eats, not this political crap.

HolyJuan said...

No fucking way. I searched for Palin 2009 and nothing came up except desk calendars.

I searched for Palin 2009 South Park and a quote came up.


Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I've had to reduce myself to political postings too:

Anonymous said...

What's really scary about this is that far too many people in this country could be fooled by exactly such an idea.

I read recently that less than a quarter of vote eligible Americans know how many members there are to congress, how the presidential line of succession functions or how a bill becomes a law.

This is, of course, satire, but it only serves to show how woefully inadequate civic education is in this country.

Anonymous said...

Technically, South Park was about her running for Vice-President in 2009... but we all know Juan is a joke stealing hack.

HolyJuan said...

F-u 3 million dollar overhead projector operator.