I hate the visceral feeling of regret you get when something starts going downhill and you can either ride the out of control wagon to the bitter end or jump out and climb back up the hill looking for a smoother ride.
I stayed on the wagon. I'm still heading downhill.
Miss Sally and I want an new sliding glass door. We went to our stand-by, Lowes, but they had a poor display and not much help with doors. We went to Home Depot and they had a much better layout and a desk with a very helpful dude. We picked what door we wanted and scheduled to have our existing door measured.
The customer service up to this point was great. We got a call that they installers would be out to measure and we got a call when they were done. In the second call, we were given a bit of bad news. Our existing opening was one inch too large for the door we picked. The woman said that instead of the $650 we picked out that there was an $1150 door in stock that would fit our opening. When I started to balk about the difference in price, she said something to the effect of, "Well, we've got a $350 door. You want that one?" I said I would have to come in and make a decision.
A few days later had me at Home Depot again and the door person was at lunch. The substitute person looked up my account and said that he could not help me and asked if I wanted to wait. I did not and left.
I got another call from Home Depot asking me if I had made a decision about my door. I said that we still liked out first door and wondered what a custom door one inch larger would cost. She looked it up and said $1300. Once I finish shitting my pants, I told her that was out and that I'd need to discuss the door with my wife.
During work this week, I mentioned the door to Erik and he said, "Why can't they just shim the door in 1/2" on each side? Those doors never fit perfectly in the openings." I told Erik he was very smart and planned to go in on Saturday.
Today I decided to be sneaky and headed over to another Home Depot. Just like the first store, the sales person was very helpful. I asked about my model of door and if it could be shimmed in on either side. He said yes, no problem. When he tried to pull my account up, he came up blank. It turns out that the installers are local to each store and they other Home Depot could not fulfill my order. I said thanks to the sales person and armed with this shimming knowledge I went back to the original Home Depot.
At the store, sales person pulls up my order. I ask about shimming. He leave for ten minutes and comes back to say that he can't help me on a Saturday and that I will need to come back Monday when the installers are available.
Fucking fine.
I left.
Here is my beef: When Home Depot called me originally to tell me about my measurement, they should have just said that they would have to shim it in. Instead she tried to get me to buy something $500 more expensive. I also can't see why they do not have someone around on the weekends who might have a clue about installations.
Now you might be asking, "Why haven't you jumped off the wagon?"
Because of $30. The measurement cost $30 and it is taken off of the final cost if you do go through with the installation. Now all of you that know me know where my dollar limit is and can manipulate me as such.
I'll let you know how things go AFTER Monday when they have someone in that can help.
Unhappy With AT&T (updated)
I think there is a different explanation for this now. An AT&T worker was killed yesterday in an on the job accident. http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2010/sep/21/6/worker-dies-after-hes-pinned-between-utility-box-t-ar-237149/
How to Tell if a Woman is Crazy
Despite what you may believe, most women are not crazy. In fact, they probably have their shit together more than you. But for those of you who do find yourself in a situation with a woman who you think might be a whack job, here's how you can tell.
1. Hair past her ass
Super long hair is a dead giveaway. Either she's a religious nut or just has WAY too much time to wash and dry it. No woman should spend that much time on her hair just to straighten out the split ends. And nothing says stay away like a six foot long, fat-ass braid. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if she can strangle you with it, it's too long.
2. Wants sex all the time
Every guy dreams about it, but you never hear about anyone surviving it. 98% of sex is convincing a woman to sleep with your unhealthy, hairy ass. If she wants it all the time, it's no longer a challenge, and you stop wanting it. Then she starts to accuse you of cheating, shortly after which comes the Phil Hartman afternoon dirt nap.
3. Crazy Eyes or never blinks
If you can see the entire pupil plus a good bit of white around it, she's crazy. If she doesn't ever blink, that's not right. If she blinks all the time, that's just as screwed up. It’s sexy if one eye is a different color, but if she has a glass eye with no pupil, check her for a knife and duck out the back door.
4. Talks about husband in the past tense
It's a good idea to stay away from married women. It's a really good idea to get as far away as possible from soon-to-be widows.
5. Doesn't talk
You may think it is sexy for a woman at a party to stare you down across the room, walk over and grab your hand, lead you to an empty bedroom and blow you. I guarantee the reason she is not talking is because she doesn't have any teeth or she doesn't have any vagina. Trust me, most transgender dudes don't have much to say... on the first date.
6. Smokes Capris
Trust me. Crazy.
7. She's Conservative
No woman should be Conservative. It just ain't right. Conservative woman have to be subservient to their husbands, and no woman should have to do that. Let's face it, you'd have to be completely fucking crazy to let a man run your life.
8. Has kids, but never mentions them
Every non-crazy woman is in love with her kids. A cheating woman will still lie in bed with her cheat and talk about her kids. If a woman is silent about her kids, it's because her brakes are about to fail near a river. Avoid.
9. Drinks vodka tonic without tonic
I like a woman that drinks. I don't like a woman that can drink more than me. If she's drinking straight from a bottle, you'd best stay away. Also be on the lookout for any woman who has a whole box of wine in the fridge and is brewing beer in a bag in the basement.
10. Laughs. All the time.
Most funny women are at least half-crazy. Women shouldn't have to tell jokes to get attention because they have boobs for that. If a woman tells jokes to get laughs, she's mostly crazy. If all she does is laugh and especially in a barking laugh, she's just plain crazy. But now that I think about it, I'd rather deal with a crazy woman than a half crazy one. At least with a crazy woman, you know what you're getting into. There's something to be said for predictability.
11. She looks like this:
Super long hair is a dead giveaway. Either she's a religious nut or just has WAY too much time to wash and dry it. No woman should spend that much time on her hair just to straighten out the split ends. And nothing says stay away like a six foot long, fat-ass braid. Here’s a good rule of thumb: if she can strangle you with it, it's too long.
2. Wants sex all the time
Every guy dreams about it, but you never hear about anyone surviving it. 98% of sex is convincing a woman to sleep with your unhealthy, hairy ass. If she wants it all the time, it's no longer a challenge, and you stop wanting it. Then she starts to accuse you of cheating, shortly after which comes the Phil Hartman afternoon dirt nap.
3. Crazy Eyes or never blinks
If you can see the entire pupil plus a good bit of white around it, she's crazy. If she doesn't ever blink, that's not right. If she blinks all the time, that's just as screwed up. It’s sexy if one eye is a different color, but if she has a glass eye with no pupil, check her for a knife and duck out the back door.
4. Talks about husband in the past tense
It's a good idea to stay away from married women. It's a really good idea to get as far away as possible from soon-to-be widows.
5. Doesn't talk
You may think it is sexy for a woman at a party to stare you down across the room, walk over and grab your hand, lead you to an empty bedroom and blow you. I guarantee the reason she is not talking is because she doesn't have any teeth or she doesn't have any vagina. Trust me, most transgender dudes don't have much to say... on the first date.
6. Smokes Capris
Trust me. Crazy.
7. She's Conservative
No woman should be Conservative. It just ain't right. Conservative woman have to be subservient to their husbands, and no woman should have to do that. Let's face it, you'd have to be completely fucking crazy to let a man run your life.
8. Has kids, but never mentions them
Every non-crazy woman is in love with her kids. A cheating woman will still lie in bed with her cheat and talk about her kids. If a woman is silent about her kids, it's because her brakes are about to fail near a river. Avoid.
9. Drinks vodka tonic without tonic
I like a woman that drinks. I don't like a woman that can drink more than me. If she's drinking straight from a bottle, you'd best stay away. Also be on the lookout for any woman who has a whole box of wine in the fridge and is brewing beer in a bag in the basement.
10. Laughs. All the time.
Most funny women are at least half-crazy. Women shouldn't have to tell jokes to get attention because they have boobs for that. If a woman tells jokes to get laughs, she's mostly crazy. If all she does is laugh and especially in a barking laugh, she's just plain crazy. But now that I think about it, I'd rather deal with a crazy woman than a half crazy one. At least with a crazy woman, you know what you're getting into. There's something to be said for predictability.
11. She looks like this:
RollerCoaster Tycoon Life Lessons
I pulled out our dusty copy of RollerCoaster Tycoon about a year ago and Greg and I play on and off. Recently, Greg, who just turned seven, has really been getting into it. I sometimes need to help him figure out how to reach goals and maximize profits so that he can complete a level. We both love it when you do complete a level because all the park guests all turn to you, let go of their balloons and cheer.
One day, he was playing at the kitchen table and asked for help. One method to determine how well you are playing is to look at a list of all the rides and booths in the park and sort them by profit. By knowing what isn't profitable, you can change prices accordingly or tear down a ride to build another.
At the bottom of Greg's long list of rides and booths was a very lengthy segment of Balloon Stands that were all losing money. There must have been twenty Balloon Stands.
I said, "What are you doing with all those Balloon Stands? It isn't profitable! How much are you charging?"
And Greg replied, "I'm giving them away for free."
"You are not going to make any money doing that."
Greg said, "I know, but when I do win everyone will have a balloon to let go of and the sky will be filled with them."
I don't know why, but I got a lump in my throat and had to turn away.
Double Coffee
We make our own coffee at work. We are not allowed to have coffee makers because many of us are too stupid to pull the 1/4 full pot off the warmer and smoke detectors end up going off at 2:00am. So instead, we use a single cup maker machine or we use the Lady Johnson* (single filter) w/ hot water method.
Lady Johnson with cup underneath.
Here were my tools:
So I fold it in quarters and it fits perfectly.
This fit is very nice.
I folded up two filters, filled them with coffee and then stacked them.
As you can see, this does not look very stable. Luckily, I had the coffee can and some post-its from the local CBS affiliate to add support.
And then I added the hot water and voilà !
The final product was delicious. It seemed stronger than just doubling the grounds. I might have to try this again!
Lady Johnson with cup underneath.
We use this to heat the water. Love it.
Today I decided that I wanted a good stiff cup of coffee. Usually, I would double the amount of coffee that I put in the filter, but I thought I would try something different. Today I went for double coffee.
Here were my tools:
Coffee. Large cup from Video conference. Two filters. Two Lady Johnsons*.
Because regular coffee making has been banned, we have a shit ton of regular filters leftover from days of yore. You can cram a regular sized filter in a Lady Johnson, but it does not fit very well.
So I fold it in quarters and it fits perfectly.
This fit is very nice.
I folded up two filters, filled them with coffee and then stacked them.
As you can see, this does not look very stable. Luckily, I had the coffee can and some post-its from the local CBS affiliate to add support.
And then I added the hot water and voilà !
The final product was delicious. It seemed stronger than just doubling the grounds. I might have to try this again!
*We call this device the "Lady Johnson" because years ago there used to be a product with the same name. It was a funnel that was shaped to fit a woman's pee-pee area place and could be used during camping so the woman would not need to squat to pee. I cannot find the Lady Johnson anywhere on the internet, but you can sometime find it under the name "Camper's Friend."
Free Tars
This photo was attached to a Craigslist posting that is sadly not available anymore.
Now I can't stop saying, "Tars" in a Southern Ohio accent.
Thanks to @jeffisbiking from Twitter!
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