God has determined that your life is worth $1,093.09 per day
In 1987, Oral Roberts announced that if he did not raise 8 million dollars by March 1st, 1987, god would “call him home” or die as you and I might phrase it.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Oral Roberts did indeed raise 8 million dollars. In fact, he raised 9.1 million dollars.
8, 325 days later, Oral Roberts was called home. For 9.1 million dollars, he was allowed to live an additional 22 years, 9 months and 14 days.
If you do the math, that makes it a cool $1,093.09 per day the he walked this Earth after the payment was negotiated. That also makes it $45.55 per hour (sans overtime) or $0.75 a minute or $0.012 per second.
Somehow this means that I owe god $15,802,802.00 for my time on Earth. I hope there is a payment plan in hell.
Reflection Fail
My buddy Smail caught this reflection fail in a Macy's elevator in Louisiana.
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Though I like the sound of a horror flick, "The Eight Faces of Miranda."
Your Own Kung-Fu Script
Do you like King-Fu movies? Sure, we all do!
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Write your own script here at http://www.onlyknives.com/diy-kung-fu-movie-script/. It's kinda like MadLibs and a little like guy-with-a-knife-site-randomly-sends-you-a-link. Both which are cool.
Ohio Court Pays $2,500 a Day for Black Man to have White Man Make-up
LANCASTER OH (HJ) – Trevor R. Smoot, 38, was picked up for attempted burglary on October 21st. Before his appearance at the Fairfield County Courthouse, his defense attorney demanded that Smoot be given an opportunity for a completely fair trial in front of an all white jury. To this end, the lawyer requested that Smoot, a black man, be allowed to wear make-up that made him look like a white man. The court reluctantly agreed, but found itself in a bit of a legal loophole that requires the court to pay for any necessary accommodations for “mei capilli sunt flagrantes” or fair trial without cost.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
Recently, Florida murder suspect and neo-Nazi John Ditullio found himself in a similar situation. Every day before court, he spent the hour before his trial in a $125 makeup session, paid for courtesy of the state. His make-up was to cover up Nazi tattoos on his face and neck. Smoot’s lawyer sought the same type of make-up to protect his client from the possible racism of an all-white jury.
At a cost of $2,500 per day, a special trailer has been brought in that houses his make-up artist and the special tools needed to turn Mr. Smoot into a white man. Del Donkins, special effects and make-up artist has worked on such films as “Mrs. Doubtfire 2” and “Shaving Ryan’s Privates.” Mr. Smoot arrived on the first day of trial at 4:30am to begin his make-up session. In about four hours the transformation was complete. To the unknowing jury, he would look just like an every day, ordinary white man.
In the courtroom, as the prosecutor began to present his case, there was a rumbling amongst the jury. Judge Frank Masterson called for order and the foreman was brought to the bench. A few minutes later the foreman returned to the jury box and announced that the jury could never find such an innocent looking man guilty and asked that all charges be dropped. The judge had no other recourse but to drop the charges.
Here is Mr. Smoot’s reaction to the jury’s decision.
What else can you trim?
My favorite beauty medicine doctor had another great (horrific) ad in the local free paper:
I thought that perhaps there could be something trimmed around the holidays besides the tree, so I fixed the ad for her:
Honed for the holidays!
But now I'm kinda grossed out by what the white specks could be.
I thought that perhaps there could be something trimmed around the holidays besides the tree, so I fixed the ad for her:
Honed for the holidays!
But now I'm kinda grossed out by what the white specks could be.
Thanks for the Discount
Dave, his two brothers and I went in together to give money to a charity. I paid on my credit card and all but one of those jerks has paid up. Here is a close up of the check for $37.50 that Dave sent me.
Poor Guy Was Just Looking For An Opinion
Well, at least he didn't have to go too far for his booking.
Cody Fucked Up
A girl at work receives the Despair Inc catalog at work. They've got some fun products.
She showed me the back of the catalog today. Big address sticker at the top covering a photo and the usual address area at the bottom had text in it.
Looks like Cody fucked up.
She showed me the back of the catalog today. Big address sticker at the top covering a photo and the usual address area at the bottom had text in it.
Looks like Cody fucked up.
Greg Learned How to Write
You might remember my "Stay Out Daddy" post where I tricked Greg into turning his requested door sign into something else.
Well, Greg has learned to spell. Here is his newest sign:
And a scan...
The gist of the sign is that you have to pay to get into his room. There are varied charges based on some level of Evil scale which I still have not figured out.
Smart kid.
Well, Greg has learned to spell. Here is his newest sign:
And a scan...
The gist of the sign is that you have to pay to get into his room. There are varied charges based on some level of Evil scale which I still have not figured out.
Smart kid.
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