Greg and Dad sans Dad: Jesus Floats above Hell

Greg is in Kindergarten. Watching that kid learn how to read is one of the most exhilarating experience of my life. Being there as he starts to "get it" and realizing that he'll be smarter than me in less than three years is wild.

Then he brings this home (a few months ago) and completely freaks me out:


Upon looking at the drawing, you can see Jesus prostrate, floating above the fires of Hell. And he's got a smile on his face. Underneath all that is some text in Greg's handwriting. At first glance the words seem to sound out, "Pay By the Fire." This is a technique in Kindergarten they call "inventive spelling." They let the students write sentences, sounding out the words and writing how they think they should be spelled. As backwards as that sounds, it seems like it has been working.

As for Greg and this drawing, we spent $12,000 on therapy and $25,000 on an exorcist. Finally we asked Greg what the drawing was about and he said that he liked playing soccer by the fire. "Play by the fire?" Yes, play by the fire. Now we are spending $300 at the local OU branch campus to teach the boy perspective drawing.

Other Mother Crush Continues

I went and saw Coraline for the 27th time tonight. The theater had me escorted out between my 3rd and 4th viewing when I bought a large tub of popcorn, dumped it out and filled it with butter flavored oil. I guess it wasn't the oil that bothered them, but when I requested a hole saw and a rubbermaid glove, they freaked out.

Here is an obviously stolen photo of other mother.


I'm gonna buy Miss Sally the chicken oven mitt for her birthday, but it will really be a gift for me.

I am my Uncle

My father's side of the family is a bit of a mystery. I wish I knew more about them.

I do remember my father speaking of his brother and that he was an author. To use my father's words, my uncle wrote smut. I was always curious what that meant. Was it that he wrote with foul language or that the subject material was dirty or immoral?

Either way, I think I have become my uncle.

Very sad, very real dream

Stop reading this now. It will depress you. Unless you like to be depressed, then read on.

I had a dream last night of such sadness that I fear to write it down in case this causes me to repeat it. Of course, writing things down tends to wring thoughts out of my brain, so maybe I will forget.

When I woke, I was glad, but it was still dark.

The dream started like this: Greg and I are at home, getting ready to head out for school. Miss Sally has all ready left for the day with Ann. They are at her work.

In the living room, we put our jackets on and head to the front door. We never go out the front door, but I guess I needed to see that it went pitch black dark and all the stars had come out.

In a moment I knew that the sun had gone dark. Greg thought it was cool. I did not.

Inside we turned the TV on and the reporters were in a panic. The sun was dark and everyone was going to die very soon. The phones still worked and Miss Sally called to say that she was going to try and make it home. Greg asked if it was a stay at home day.

On the TV, time seemed to fast forward and the reporter had calmed down. It would be getting very cold soon and most services would be going out. He suggested that we gather together with our loved ones and wait to die.

Miss Sally had not come home before I woke up.

When I woke, I was glad, but it was still dark.

How did the Hoax Oscar list do?

Earlier this week, a "leaked" list of 2009 Oscar winners made a few laps around the internet. Here are the results of how well they predicted.

Psychic Support Group

Annie Laughs - Greg is Serious

Protest

My Boss is Smarter than Me

I filled out a vacation form at work and turned it into my boss. He was well aware of my intentions to go out tonight and edited the form accordingly.

HolyJuan's How To: Make coffee at work

We have free coffee at work. While I appreciate the sentiment, the instant coffee concentrate mixed with tepid water doesn't quite cut it. Luckily, Erik told me about a simple plastic device that will brew a single cup of coffee without the need for a large machine that would probably start a fire when I forget to turn it off.


Here's what you will need:

-individual coffee filter holder plastic funnel thingy
-no. 2 coffee filter (unbleached)
-coffee
-coffee cup (huge size)
-cold water and a time machine or hot water
-level
-Tupperware container

Insert filter into filter holder. It will never exactly conform to the holder so just live with it.


Fill filter with coffee. Use the amount as instructed on the side of the can:


Then add three times that amount:


I like a huge cup of coffee and as you can see the filter holder is too small to fit over the rim of the cup.


I'm noticing that the cup is dirty from my previous cup of coffee I drank last week. Let me take that to the photoshop sink and wash it out:


Take the level and put it over the huge cup. Because the level is unlevel, you'll need to set the opposite end on the empty Tupperware container.


Set your filter, filled with coffee grounds, on the level over the huge coffee cup:


Go back in time four minutes and boil a large cup of water in the microwave for four minutes. Ensure you use Styrofoam to boil your water as the fluorocarbons give the coffee a nice cancery flavor.


Pour the hot water into the filter and make sure it goes though the hole in the level and into the cup. Now is about the time you find out if your level has a hole in it or not.


Mine has a hole in it and the cup below is filling up:


Oh shit! GO back in time again and make sure your cup is big enough to hold all the hot water you just dumped in the filter holder. *BZAP* I'm back and my cup is big enough. You might not be able to dump all the hot water in the filter at once so be patient and watch how the hot water and coffee grounds interact. What images to you see in the grounds? A wave? A woman's face? THE DEVIL?


Relax...Enjoy!