Can you believe this product?

Miss Shelly saw this in a magazine, thought of me and cut it out. Thanks…

A drop of this miracle liquid in the toilet bowl is reported supposed to cover up 98% of bathroom stank.

First off, I have never tried the product and won’t, so I cannot give you an honest opinion (the shit might just work.) If you want a review, Chris Rockwell over at www.poopreport.com did an in depth study of the product. He has a theory about floating poop.

Second, how do you come up with a percentage of bathroom stink and then rate it on a scale? Here’s what I think… what they did was load up the fattest guy in the manufacturing plant with cabbage and white castles, had him drink draught beer for a day, killed him in the bathroom, let him sit for a week and then let his bowels loose with a whaling harpoon. Three independent judges in the bathroom would consider that smell 100% stink and judged other stanks based on the memory of that smell.

Third, even though it comes with a concealing carrying case, if you got caught with this product, it would be 1000x worse than having people call you out on your stinky poop. It’s like getting caught with Masturbation Wipes.

A few years ago, we had some clients in from California for a meeting in our one bathroomed, studio. One of the guys was not doing so well and hot sweat poured off his brow as his guts gurgled and churned. He called for a break and staggered off to the bathroom. The bathroom door only acted as an amplifier and the studio shook and reverberated as his bowels unclenched. The reek was horrific and every non-essential team member left for lunch at 10:00am. Holly did her best to cover the smell by lighting a coffee scented candle that had sat on her desk for the past two years. It had a layer of dust on it three inches deep that was stuffed in the protective plastic coating. She lit it anyways. The perfect storm of shit smell, burning dust, melting plastic and fake coffee came together and drifted up to the front of the office. Somehow the mingled, gas chamber combination made it to the meeting room and it smelled like burning wood. Actually, a pleasant smell. In some circles, it is still considered a miracle.

So unless this product can combine the essence of dust carbon, melting plastic and faux coffee… I ain’t buying it.

Goodnight Nobody…… I hope

I am in round two of reading books like “Goodnight Moon” by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd to my second kid. Way back in round one, I mentioned how a painting in “Goodnight Moon” that showed one rabbit fishing for another rabbit creeped me out.



Later I found out that painting is from another book by Brown/Hurd. Creepy, yes, but I get it now.

I was fine until recently when I came to this page:



It is exactly what you see. A blank page with “Goodnight nobody” at the bottom. On the next page he says “Goodnight mush” and they show a picture of mush in a bowl. I never thought anything about it until I really started to look at the page for anything. A dot or a shadow or a hint of a wall. There’s NOBODY there. And that is really starting to freak me out because he doesn’t say “Goodnight nothing,” he says “nobody” which means no person. Which means that he might have thought someone was there or there was someone there a minute ago and now they are gone. Who were they? Is the old woman whispering hush killed by “nobody” three pages later?

I could tear out that page, but it would really mess up the meter. I think the answer is for me to photoshop the earlier mentioned painting onto that page so that I can kill two birds with one stone: get rid of “nobody” and explain what that photo means.



Fixed!

Cancer Awareness Idiot


I saw this woman throw her cigarette out her window and then noticed her personalized Breast Cancer Awareness license plate.

Idiot.

Perhaps I am just an asshole, but it seems as if you support such a cause, you wouldn't engage in similar ,and very obvious, self-destructive activities.

And quit littering. I sometimes wonder if it is illegal to give someone back their cigarette butt by throwing it back in their car.

The Display of Chokables



This is one of eight or nine "high-up" places in the house where we put the small items that Ann might choke on. 99% of these items are off of Greg's toys. In about two or three days we'll either re-attach or trash. Re-attach is code for looking at an item for a few seconds and then putting it in the trash.

Though that Star Wars blaster might make the cut. That missile too. I always hated when those came up missing.