HOUSTON TX (HJ) - For years, Scientific Evolutionists and Religious Creationists have battled over whose theory/story is correct about where all living creatures on Earth came from. The scientists point to theory, fossilized evidence and actual living species that are evolving right before our eyes. The Creationists point to the Bible and the missing link.
But today the Creationists announced their solution to the whole debate. Earlier this afternoon, Texan Creationist, Mark Thomas James Ruddard announced what the Creationists finally came up with. Here is the text of his speech:
“As you know, we have fought for years and years over the basis for life on Earth. While the non-believers dug into our Earth’s 4000 year old dirt looking for bones, we looked to the heavens. While the heathens tried to say the earth was billions of years old, we looked at the fossilized remains of dinosaur feet next to human feet. The only thing these laugh-a-billies could come up with is a theory that we all started as apes and then just got the idea to all of a sudden to make airplanes and talk on phones. (Laughter) I am here to say that our scholars have figured it out. And answer to all the questions…
“In the days when Jesus rode dinosaurs, not all men were as pious and good as our Christ. In fact, these men, which we would consider today as being Stone Age Hippies, would sometimes engage in acts of lewdness with the dinosaurs. Of this unforgivable mating, a unfathomable creature emerged. The creature that your “Scientists” call Neanderthal. This creature was not of God and was shunned. Then, this Child of Hippies would have more relations with dinosaurs and those children are the apes and moneys of the world today. We also believe that the Cave Hippies spread a Stone Age type AIDS around which killed off all the dinosaurs. The end.”