Gummy Choco of taste which smile contains withdrawn
We went to the Chinese Buffet today and ate and ate and ate. Afterwards, we went next door to the Asian Market to buy another product to test on our hero, Erik.
This week's find: Gummy Choco!
Somehow, Muscat worked it's way into the title. Muscat is either a type of grape or a rare form of deer droppings.
Upon opening the canister, we see what seems to be large rabbit droppings or small deer droppings.
Here are some deer droppings for comparison purposes:
Erik seems very interested at this point and uses a combination of yoga and yodeling to restrain his gag reflex.
Erik then fills his gaping maw with the seemingly chocolate lumps.
Let's take a moment to examine the interior of the Gummy Chocos.
Well well well. A sneaky, triple layered combination of tasty chocolate and mystery creme... The internet provided a detailed description of the interior components.
Sadly, only one ingredient showed any possibility of poisoning our hero:
Erik managed to choke down 32 - 33 of the yummy chunks of deer like feces before reverse swallowing them into a garbage container unit.
Great job Erik!
Next Week: Spicy, Sweet Ovary Lollipop
This week's find: Gummy Choco!
Somehow, Muscat worked it's way into the title. Muscat is either a type of grape or a rare form of deer droppings.
Upon opening the canister, we see what seems to be large rabbit droppings or small deer droppings.
Here are some deer droppings for comparison purposes:
Erik seems very interested at this point and uses a combination of yoga and yodeling to restrain his gag reflex.
Erik then fills his gaping maw with the seemingly chocolate lumps.
Let's take a moment to examine the interior of the Gummy Chocos.
Well well well. A sneaky, triple layered combination of tasty chocolate and mystery creme... The internet provided a detailed description of the interior components.
Sadly, only one ingredient showed any possibility of poisoning our hero:
Erik managed to choke down 32 - 33 of the yummy chunks of deer like feces before reverse swallowing them into a garbage container unit.
Great job Erik!
Next Week: Spicy, Sweet Ovary Lollipop
Dave does drugs in front of impressionable young children
Unbelievable! Dave is an upstanding member of the community and then this...
...of course, I am talking about the hairstyle.
...of course, I am talking about the hairstyle.
Liz and Hugh's Baby
Congrats to Hugh and Liz and the birth of their son, Sam.!!
For some reason I was drawn to this photo of the baby.
For some reason I was drawn to this photo of the baby.
$7000 is cheap!
I just read the following on CNN concerning the assassination of Benazir Bhutto:
“Pakistani Taliban commander Baitullah Mehsud paid out more than $7,000, including money to purchase suicide jackets, for the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, the chief Pakistani investigator said Sunday.”
All it took was $7K to kill her? By the most conservative figures we are spending about $150 million a day in Iraq. Using those figures, if we hired these guys to do the job, we could assassinate, I mean, rectify 21,428.5 terrorists a day!! Why hasn’t anyone at the Pentagon thought about this a little more? Instead of fighting the Taliban and Al Qaeda, we should hire them. They seem to be able to finish the job. They are equal opportunity as they have men and women do their work. I saw recently they also have started an on-the-job-training program for the mentally handicapped.
Now here’s the genius in all this… by having the Taliban and Al Qaeda do this with suicide bombing, we are taking out two for the price of one. And on top of all that, with all the bad public relations that they get from blowing up shit, their membership will decrease!
As a bonus, we’ll sell our overseas connections the bomb making supplies and vests for re-sale to the “Freedom Bombers.” This will drop our operating costs by 10 – 15%.
By my math, we could end this whole war on terrorism thing in about sixteen days with a little more than 2 billion dollars. Once we run out of terrorists, I’m sure we’ll breathe a sigh of relief and start poking around for other people to start spreading a thick coating of Democracy on.
“Pakistani Taliban commander Baitullah Mehsud paid out more than $7,000, including money to purchase suicide jackets, for the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, the chief Pakistani investigator said Sunday.”
All it took was $7K to kill her? By the most conservative figures we are spending about $150 million a day in Iraq. Using those figures, if we hired these guys to do the job, we could assassinate, I mean, rectify 21,428.5 terrorists a day!! Why hasn’t anyone at the Pentagon thought about this a little more? Instead of fighting the Taliban and Al Qaeda, we should hire them. They seem to be able to finish the job. They are equal opportunity as they have men and women do their work. I saw recently they also have started an on-the-job-training program for the mentally handicapped.
Now here’s the genius in all this… by having the Taliban and Al Qaeda do this with suicide bombing, we are taking out two for the price of one. And on top of all that, with all the bad public relations that they get from blowing up shit, their membership will decrease!
As a bonus, we’ll sell our overseas connections the bomb making supplies and vests for re-sale to the “Freedom Bombers.” This will drop our operating costs by 10 – 15%.
By my math, we could end this whole war on terrorism thing in about sixteen days with a little more than 2 billion dollars. Once we run out of terrorists, I’m sure we’ll breathe a sigh of relief and start poking around for other people to start spreading a thick coating of Democracy on.
Jesus Candy
My wife works at a pre-school. They have events for the kids and sometimes purchase novelty items and decorations concurrent with the theme. There are several vendors that supply these cheap trinkets, baubles and colorful decorations.
One of those companies is the Oriental Trading Company, Inc.
Once you make a single purchase from them, they fill your mailbox on a bi-weekly basis with their catalog. Usually I toss the thing in the recycling bin, but on a whim, I flipped through the catalog. There was the standard birthday kits, St. Patrick’s Day decorations, balloons, Jesus candy… Jesus candy? The Oriental trading Company obviously knows that religious people like to have parties too.
The “Walking With Jesus” Gummy Treat Pack caught my eye.
Several colorful gummy feet in assorted tropical fruit flavors! These footprints are in reference to the “Footprints” poem where a man has a dream that Jesus bailed on him during the toughest times of his life, making him walk alone. Upon further research, I found the original poem ending:
“THE LORD REPLIED:
My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I turned those footprints into sweet candy goodness, so that you would have a snack during those really awful times."
That cleared up everything…
Until I saw the “Colors of Faith” Jelly Bean treat Packet.
“Each assorted flavor jelly bean has a special meaning.” Wow! Kids can have a sugary snack AND be reminded of our God’s graces. The title says, “Thank you Lord for jelly beans. Their rainbow of colors remind me of your love.” Oh! How sweet! Let’s see what the colors represent:
WHAT THE HELL!
RED – God’s Shed Blood
This has got to be a typo or a reference to the Trinity and Jesus’ death on the cross. Either way, it’s still screwed up. They got the color right. It just seems a little gross to be happily chewing and swallowing God’s Type O. (I'm sure God would be a universal donor.) Then I thought perhaps this was the vengeful God candy and it was supposed to read, “God Sheds the Blood of the Unbelievers.” That would make a little more sense and be a warning to other kids in school when a handful of red jelly beans is left in their desk. “Here is some candy for you Billy! Enjoy it as you burn in the eternal hellfires.”
BLACK – Death and the Darkest Day
I thought red was fucked up. Luckily this part of the rainbow reminds me of God’s love.
Is it the goal of the candy to make you repent after lunch? Is it a quick snack for the apocalypse? You can’t take it with you, but why not a little treat before the ascension?
Imagine a screw up at the factory and getting a whole pack of blacks? Would you just kill yourself right there?
What if you don’t like the taste of the white ones? Is that sacrilege? Can you swap “God Created Light” with your friend’s “God’s Purity” and not piss off the Almighty?
These things I do not know. What I do know is that I will never be able to eat a black jellybean again without thinking of the four horsemen riding around and locusts. It’s hard to eat candy and think about locusts.
In case you want to place an order:
Jesus Footprints
Jellybeans of the Apocalypse
One of those companies is the Oriental Trading Company, Inc.
Once you make a single purchase from them, they fill your mailbox on a bi-weekly basis with their catalog. Usually I toss the thing in the recycling bin, but on a whim, I flipped through the catalog. There was the standard birthday kits, St. Patrick’s Day decorations, balloons, Jesus candy… Jesus candy? The Oriental trading Company obviously knows that religious people like to have parties too.
The “Walking With Jesus” Gummy Treat Pack caught my eye.
Several colorful gummy feet in assorted tropical fruit flavors! These footprints are in reference to the “Footprints” poem where a man has a dream that Jesus bailed on him during the toughest times of his life, making him walk alone. Upon further research, I found the original poem ending:
“THE LORD REPLIED:
My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I turned those footprints into sweet candy goodness, so that you would have a snack during those really awful times."
That cleared up everything…
Until I saw the “Colors of Faith” Jelly Bean treat Packet.
“Each assorted flavor jelly bean has a special meaning.” Wow! Kids can have a sugary snack AND be reminded of our God’s graces. The title says, “Thank you Lord for jelly beans. Their rainbow of colors remind me of your love.” Oh! How sweet! Let’s see what the colors represent:
WHAT THE HELL!
RED – God’s Shed Blood
This has got to be a typo or a reference to the Trinity and Jesus’ death on the cross. Either way, it’s still screwed up. They got the color right. It just seems a little gross to be happily chewing and swallowing God’s Type O. (I'm sure God would be a universal donor.) Then I thought perhaps this was the vengeful God candy and it was supposed to read, “God Sheds the Blood of the Unbelievers.” That would make a little more sense and be a warning to other kids in school when a handful of red jelly beans is left in their desk. “Here is some candy for you Billy! Enjoy it as you burn in the eternal hellfires.”
BLACK – Death and the Darkest Day
I thought red was fucked up. Luckily this part of the rainbow reminds me of God’s love.
Is it the goal of the candy to make you repent after lunch? Is it a quick snack for the apocalypse? You can’t take it with you, but why not a little treat before the ascension?
Imagine a screw up at the factory and getting a whole pack of blacks? Would you just kill yourself right there?
What if you don’t like the taste of the white ones? Is that sacrilege? Can you swap “God Created Light” with your friend’s “God’s Purity” and not piss off the Almighty?
These things I do not know. What I do know is that I will never be able to eat a black jellybean again without thinking of the four horsemen riding around and locusts. It’s hard to eat candy and think about locusts.
In case you want to place an order:
Jesus Footprints
Jellybeans of the Apocalypse
Meat Mountain Makes Miss Sally Sick
(Click to enlarge)
Miss Sally saw this ad in a parenting magazine. She said it grossed her out.
Now that I keep looking at it, it's starting to gross me out, too.
"This time, we didn't forget the gravy."
Miss Sally saw this ad in a parenting magazine. She said it grossed her out.
Now that I keep looking at it, it's starting to gross me out, too.
"This time, we didn't forget the gravy."
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