Got a job.
I think this one will stick. No dead bodies.
Well, one.
And the seven dead fetuses.
And the box of ashes.
But I think that's it.
A letter to myself 20 years ago
We all have made decisions that we regret. Sometimes we wish we could go back and change everything. I’ve tried sending a message to my future self with mixed results. I think my next option is to send a letter to myself twenty years ago. The way you do that is write a letter, address it to yourself and then hope someday scientists figure out a way to send mail back in time. The cost should be low because postage was cheaper back then.
My letter to me twenty years ago would go a little like this:
Dear Doug,
Hi. This is you writing to yourself twenty years in the future. I’ve come to tell you about… How do you know it’s really you? Well, I’m the only one that knows that you once were masturbating in the laundry room and when mom came down stairs you had to hide silently in the corner for ten minutes with your pants down while she finished switching loads. Good enough?
So, I’ve come to tell you about… yes, you still have hair. Thinning, but it is still there. And you get fat. I’m waiting for the letter from my future me suggesting I start losing weight.
So allow me to say… no, disco is still dead. And don’t buy more than 4 flannel shirts in the next 3 or 4 years. You think you will need more, but they will look better the grungier they get.
Here’s the deal. In the future, you are going to make several mistakes. Some of them embarrassing. Some of them life changing. You are going to miss out on some wonderful opportunities and kick yourself for not choosing the other path. You are going to see some horrific things and your heart is going to be broken by beautiful women and people you should not have trusted.
The one most important thing you should know is this: don’t change a thing.
Everything you have done has led you to where I am now. At the time, you made decisions based on what you knew and they may not have been the best choices, but they were your choices. We both know that we do not believe in fate, but I do not what to screw up where I am now based on making you re-think or doubt your decisions.
I guess what I am saying is that you need to believe in yourself. I do.
Take care buddy.
Love,
Doug
P.S. Buy Google stock at $85
P.S.S. In 1994 you have the choice of going home with a girl named Trobes or a girl named Sally. DO NOT SCREW THAT ONE UP.
P.S.S.S. Vote for Gore in 2000. I know it might seem stupid now, but just do it.
P.S.S.S.S. Parachute pants make a HUGE comeback in 2002. Buy at least 10 – 15 pair.
My letter to me twenty years ago would go a little like this:
Dear Doug,
Hi. This is you writing to yourself twenty years in the future. I’ve come to tell you about… How do you know it’s really you? Well, I’m the only one that knows that you once were masturbating in the laundry room and when mom came down stairs you had to hide silently in the corner for ten minutes with your pants down while she finished switching loads. Good enough?
So, I’ve come to tell you about… yes, you still have hair. Thinning, but it is still there. And you get fat. I’m waiting for the letter from my future me suggesting I start losing weight.
So allow me to say… no, disco is still dead. And don’t buy more than 4 flannel shirts in the next 3 or 4 years. You think you will need more, but they will look better the grungier they get.
Here’s the deal. In the future, you are going to make several mistakes. Some of them embarrassing. Some of them life changing. You are going to miss out on some wonderful opportunities and kick yourself for not choosing the other path. You are going to see some horrific things and your heart is going to be broken by beautiful women and people you should not have trusted.
The one most important thing you should know is this: don’t change a thing.
Everything you have done has led you to where I am now. At the time, you made decisions based on what you knew and they may not have been the best choices, but they were your choices. We both know that we do not believe in fate, but I do not what to screw up where I am now based on making you re-think or doubt your decisions.
I guess what I am saying is that you need to believe in yourself. I do.
Take care buddy.
Love,
Doug
P.S. Buy Google stock at $85
P.S.S. In 1994 you have the choice of going home with a girl named Trobes or a girl named Sally. DO NOT SCREW THAT ONE UP.
P.S.S.S. Vote for Gore in 2000. I know it might seem stupid now, but just do it.
P.S.S.S.S. Parachute pants make a HUGE comeback in 2002. Buy at least 10 – 15 pair.
Come back in twenty years and read this
Warning! This is neither exciting nor funny right now. Please wait until 2027 to come back and read this. Thank you.
Oh my God! 7 Terabytes for $12,399! Were they living in caves back then? And what company was Apple??
Oh my God! 7 Terabytes for $12,399! Were they living in caves back then? And what company was Apple??
Please say it ain't so
I was doing a Google search (don't ask for what) when I came across the picture above. I thought it was a pretty funny Hello-Kitty-pink photoshop job so I did a search for the title of the comic book just to make sure it was fake.
It's not.
Here's the publisher's summary from Wookiepedia.
She's a Princess with a fiery spirit and a hot temper to match. He's a scoundrel with a mercenary's sensibility and the heart of a hero. Together they help topple an Empire and restore order to the galaxy…And if they stop fighting long enough, they just might realize that they're in love! Set during the days leading up to The Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo and Princess Leia find themselves trapped together on a downed starship, lost in the frozen wastelands of Hoth as a storm rages around them. And while the snow flies outside the ship, the sparks fly inside. No matter how hard they fight it, there's more going on between them than just friendship!
I can only hope that the last frame of the comic is "Han shot first."
Adam Huges shows off Bond's 755 homer ball
Adam Hughes, 33, of San Diego talks about catching San Francisco Giants Barry Bonds 755th home run ball against the San Diego Padres after their Major League Baseball in San Diego, Saturday, Aug. 4, 2007. With the hit, Bonds caught Hank Aaron and tied the career home run record. (AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)
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