A letter to myself 20 years ago

We all have made decisions that we regret. Sometimes we wish we could go back and change everything. I’ve tried sending a message to my future self with mixed results. I think my next option is to send a letter to myself twenty years ago. The way you do that is write a letter, address it to yourself and then hope someday scientists figure out a way to send mail back in time. The cost should be low because postage was cheaper back then.

My letter to me twenty years ago would go a little like this:

Dear Doug,

Hi. This is you writing to yourself twenty years in the future. I’ve come to tell you about… How do you know it’s really you? Well, I’m the only one that knows that you once were masturbating in the laundry room and when mom came down stairs you had to hide silently in the corner for ten minutes with your pants down while she finished switching loads. Good enough?

So, I’ve come to tell you about… yes, you still have hair. Thinning, but it is still there. And you get fat. I’m waiting for the letter from my future me suggesting I start losing weight.

So allow me to say… no, disco is still dead. And don’t buy more than 4 flannel shirts in the next 3 or 4 years. You think you will need more, but they will look better the grungier they get.

Here’s the deal. In the future, you are going to make several mistakes. Some of them embarrassing. Some of them life changing. You are going to miss out on some wonderful opportunities and kick yourself for not choosing the other path. You are going to see some horrific things and your heart is going to be broken by beautiful women and people you should not have trusted.

The one most important thing you should know is this: don’t change a thing.

Everything you have done has led you to where I am now. At the time, you made decisions based on what you knew and they may not have been the best choices, but they were your choices. We both know that we do not believe in fate, but I do not what to screw up where I am now based on making you re-think or doubt your decisions.

I guess what I am saying is that you need to believe in yourself. I do.

Take care buddy.



P.S. Buy Google stock at $85

P.S.S. In 1994 you have the choice of going home with a girl named Trobes or a girl named Sally. DO NOT SCREW THAT ONE UP.

P.S.S.S. Vote for Gore in 2000. I know it might seem stupid now, but just do it.

P.S.S.S.S. Parachute pants make a HUGE comeback in 2002. Buy at least 10 – 15 pair.


Anonymous said...

"P.S.S. In 1994 you have the choice of going home with a girl named Trobes or a girl named Sally. DO NOT SCREW THAT ONE UP"

Dear Future Me, ... so which one do I go home with?

HolyJuan said...

Dear 1987 Doug,

I've all ready given away too much.

FYI, neither one of them is going to sleep with you so don't try to base your decision on that.

Love, you.

Anonymous said...

"neither one of them is going to sleep with you so don't try to base your decision on that"

How do you know that the one *you* didn't go home with won't sleep with *me* ? And why would you bring it up if you're not going to help me, you jerk!

And what's a "Google" ?

Anonymous said...

I think you are no longer allowed to be a bastard in googles eyes..
that was actual beautiful and wonderful and made me thankful to know you..

(take home Sally and you will be blessed with beautiful stunning children)


Unknown said...

This was terrific. I did not expect
it to sound so true. Don't change
a thing is a good motto. I am glad
that I could not tell my dopelganger
from twenty years past about what
has happened to me until now because
it was better to have to live through
it in the moment. Too intense and
fearful for me otherwise. You were
light and breezy and I am happy for you. My life has had too many hills
and valleys and I wish someone from
20 years from now could predict for me, with love.