In January of 2006, I started HolyJuan. It was Lia that said, “You should start a blog,” and I did.
My first story was a work related trip to Chicago and how I ended up spending the night at somewhere that was not my hotel room.
Since that story I’ve created 1,289 posts. Some stories. Some lies. Some rants. Some terrible cartoons. More lies.
Sadly, I am a much better story teller than a webpage person. Many of the wonderful HolyJuan stories are buried deep within the tubes of the internet. Someday, when I am famous and I thank all of you for getting me there, I’ll find a way to make the archives a bit more accessible. Until then I am going to begin dredging some of them up and reposting them at the top of the website. While many might call me lazy for reposting old stuff, I hope a few of you might appreciate some of my dustier memories.
I’d like to thank you for your continued readership. You e-mails and comments let me know that you all love me almost as much as I love myself. I’m always accessible by e-mail at holyjuan@gmail.com. I usually reply within a few days. Some of my best posts are Ask HolyJuan e-mails. Try me sometime.
Thanks again.
HolyJuan
Storm about to take a bite out of Columbus
If you look really hard, you can see Jesus' nose and eye.
Gold Bond Pancake
I'm leaving for Chicago tomorrow with Greg and Kit. We'll be staying at Doob's over the weekend for Lollapalooza. I have never had the opportunity to go and am very excited, knowing full well that most of the fun and memorable bits will happen outside the venue and on the trip there and back again.
Greg is a Lollapalooza veteran and I asked him for tips on what I should bring. He, knowing that there's a bit of chafing with all the walking that happens during the weekend, suggested Gold Bond and I took him at his word. A few days ago while we were finalizing the details for the trip, he laughed about his Gold Bond suggestion saying, "I really don't think you'll want to be putting Gold Bond in your shorts. With all the sweat mixed in, you'll have a Gold Bond pancake."
I had a good laugh at that.
I'll post what I can from Chicago over the weekend. Let me know if you'll be there.
Greg is a Lollapalooza veteran and I asked him for tips on what I should bring. He, knowing that there's a bit of chafing with all the walking that happens during the weekend, suggested Gold Bond and I took him at his word. A few days ago while we were finalizing the details for the trip, he laughed about his Gold Bond suggestion saying, "I really don't think you'll want to be putting Gold Bond in your shorts. With all the sweat mixed in, you'll have a Gold Bond pancake."
I had a good laugh at that.
I'll post what I can from Chicago over the weekend. Let me know if you'll be there.
The Midnight Mountain Club
After John's wedding, we decided we would climb the mountain. Greg found his Midnight Mountain Club T-shirt in a box when they moved and he wore it that night. Eric had his buddy draw the design and we had about 10 of them silk screened in 1990. I think Greg's is the only one exists (and still fits.)
Greg scanned the shirt and sent it to me. I was able to clean it up in photoshop and made a shirt at Skreened.
I am so happy.
Greg scanned the shirt and sent it to me. I was able to clean it up in photoshop and made a shirt at Skreened.
I am so happy.
Columbus, OH - Main Street Bridge - video and fun facts
I've received a few e-mails for details on the bridge:
1.7 miles in length
3200 feet above the river
Only single arch, wire suspension bridge in the tri-county area
First "living" bridge; interior is wheat, grasses and microbes for strength
The bridge lifts 75 feet to allow the heavy boat traffic to pass
Once open, the toll will only be $1.00 heading west and $5.00 east
Bono, from U2, described the bridge as "A 22nd century accomplishment; I dig the dangle."
The bridge can hold over 18 cargo containers of mayonnaise (NOT Miracle Whip.)
The Bridge is named after Sylvia T. Main, a Columbus inventor and markswoman
Birthing Advice to Anne
My good friend Anne is about to have a baby in the next few days. Here was my advice to her:
Have a plan for the stuff you cannot plan for. My experience is that shit happens very quickly and the doctors are going to want you to do what they say. You need to know if you want the epidural and that they need to stick you not too early but not too late. You want pitocin? We didn't know we did with Anne, but they said, we are going to give you this to help with the labor and we said, "Duh, sure." If things go south, you need your husband to be able to side with you on what you'd like to do, like keep trying to push or bail and C section. We had two very good experiences, except with the epidural that freaked miss sally out worse the second time.
It will all go too quickly. Take photos. Not of the event but leading up to and at the hospital. Let both sets of parents know ahead of time if you want them around in the room or whatever. They will understand, but you should lay that crap out now just so everyone knows if they are welcome to stare at your vagina.
Just remember that people have been having babies for a very, very long time and that means absolutely nothing when it's you.
Take care and best of luck.
I think this is a HolyJuan post. Sorry. Love you.
Doug
PS If you are breast feeding, it is the single most frustrating thing in the world. Keep at it. Don't feel bad if it doesn't work out but don't give up too quickly. You should send me a photo of your boobs so that I can see if everything looks right.
Have a plan for the stuff you cannot plan for. My experience is that shit happens very quickly and the doctors are going to want you to do what they say. You need to know if you want the epidural and that they need to stick you not too early but not too late. You want pitocin? We didn't know we did with Anne, but they said, we are going to give you this to help with the labor and we said, "Duh, sure." If things go south, you need your husband to be able to side with you on what you'd like to do, like keep trying to push or bail and C section. We had two very good experiences, except with the epidural that freaked miss sally out worse the second time.
It will all go too quickly. Take photos. Not of the event but leading up to and at the hospital. Let both sets of parents know ahead of time if you want them around in the room or whatever. They will understand, but you should lay that crap out now just so everyone knows if they are welcome to stare at your vagina.
Just remember that people have been having babies for a very, very long time and that means absolutely nothing when it's you.
Take care and best of luck.
I think this is a HolyJuan post. Sorry. Love you.
Doug
PS If you are breast feeding, it is the single most frustrating thing in the world. Keep at it. Don't feel bad if it doesn't work out but don't give up too quickly. You should send me a photo of your boobs so that I can see if everything looks right.
Corporate Dress Policy
My friend sent me this memo from their company concerning dress code:
Good afternoon everyone,
There seems to be a lack of understanding regarding the (XXX Company) dress code. This email is to reiterate the policy and remind everyone you will be asked to go home on your first offense and not be a part of the Company for the second offense. You should re-read the handbook which prescribes the following:
Appearance and Grooming
The people-oriented nature of our business lends great importance to the professional image (XXX Company) presents to customers, vendors, and other visitors. Therefore, it is important that you present a professional impression in your dress and grooming.
Staff based or working in (XXX Company) office:
(XXX Company) expects you to maintain a clean and polished yet professionally casual appearance. Generally speaking, (XXX Company) has adopted a relaxed dress code as follows:
For men:
Shirts: Dress or sport, knit or woven, must have a collar. Tee shirts, v-necks, henleys or other collarless shirts are not acceptable.
Pants: Dress slacks, chinos, or dockers
Suits: Suits, sports jackets, and/or ties are optional.
Sweaters: Crewnecks, v-necks, cardigans or turtlenecks are acceptable.
For women:
Slacks or skirts; jeans are permitted on Fridays and on days when employees are scheduled to embark on midday travel. Torn jeans are not allowed at any time for any reason.
Business suits
Dresses
Leggings, skimpy tank tops and shorts, and midriff blouses are considered inappropriate at any time. Shoulders and backs must be covered.
You are expected to use good judgment.
________________________________________________________
NOTE THE FOLLOWING BEING ADDED REGARDING FOOTWEAR:
No flip flops or flimsy sandals (i.e., ones more appropriate for the beach or BBQ than the office)
No sneakers (even if they are "hip")
We are lucky to have a relaxed dress code and need everyone to adhere so as not to risk losing it for all of us.
If you have any questions, or are unsure what's appropriate, contact either XXXXXXXXX or me.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Good afternoon everyone,
There seems to be a lack of understanding regarding the (XXX Company) dress code. This email is to reiterate the policy and remind everyone you will be asked to go home on your first offense and not be a part of the Company for the second offense. You should re-read the handbook which prescribes the following:
Appearance and Grooming
The people-oriented nature of our business lends great importance to the professional image (XXX Company) presents to customers, vendors, and other visitors. Therefore, it is important that you present a professional impression in your dress and grooming.
Staff based or working in (XXX Company) office:
(XXX Company) expects you to maintain a clean and polished yet professionally casual appearance. Generally speaking, (XXX Company) has adopted a relaxed dress code as follows:
For men:
Shirts: Dress or sport, knit or woven, must have a collar. Tee shirts, v-necks, henleys or other collarless shirts are not acceptable.
Pants: Dress slacks, chinos, or dockers
Suits: Suits, sports jackets, and/or ties are optional.
Sweaters: Crewnecks, v-necks, cardigans or turtlenecks are acceptable.
For women:
Slacks or skirts; jeans are permitted on Fridays and on days when employees are scheduled to embark on midday travel. Torn jeans are not allowed at any time for any reason.
Business suits
Dresses
Leggings, skimpy tank tops and shorts, and midriff blouses are considered inappropriate at any time. Shoulders and backs must be covered.
You are expected to use good judgment.
________________________________________________________
NOTE THE FOLLOWING BEING ADDED REGARDING FOOTWEAR:
No flip flops or flimsy sandals (i.e., ones more appropriate for the beach or BBQ than the office)
No sneakers (even if they are "hip")
We are lucky to have a relaxed dress code and need everyone to adhere so as not to risk losing it for all of us.
If you have any questions, or are unsure what's appropriate, contact either XXXXXXXXX or me.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Homestar and a Haircut
In 2004, Greg was a one years old boy and Homestarrunner.com only sold shirts for little boys and not for babies. But I bought Greg a shirt anyways, knowing that someday he would grow into it.
And he did.
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