I found your wrench

Several of these concrete benches line the driveway in front of my office. If you lost a wrench, I think I have found it.
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The concrete around the wrench is starting to chip away. I'm sure that just the tips were visible in the recent past.

Jesus... that's morbid (explained)

I have received a surprising number of e-mails concerning the "Jesus... that's morbid" cartoon asking me what the fuck is going on with it. Here is the comic in question:


And here is an explanation:


He's wearing a cross, people. That's morbid!

Staff Pick o' the Month at Skreened

Daniel at Skreened picked my "I am a genus" t-shirt as one of his favorites this month.

Someday, I might actually sell a freaking shirt. Well, a second shirt. (Thanks, Jenn!)

A treesome

The tree in the middle looks to be the male. He also looks to be circumcised.

Image from American Bushman.

Cheese, Egg and Pancake Sandwich

Greg was hooked on the McGriddle and we couldn't afford his habit. A month in the St. Bernice of the Heathen Springs Rehab got the toxins out of his system, but the boy still craves the carbs and cholesterol.

So now we make the Cheese, Egg and Pancake sandwich. It's cheap, easy and takes less than three minutes.

You'll need:
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2 Frozen Pancakes (or one bagel)
Egg
cheese
bowl (soufflé cup for bagels)
non-stick spray

Stack the frozen pancakes and microwave for 55 seconds.
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While they are nuking, spray the bowl with non-stick spray. Add one egg in the bowl.
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Beat the egg until it reveals the secret hideout.
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Remove the pancakes from the microwave. I separate them so they begin to cool.
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Nuke the egg for 20 seconds. It will still be a bit runny.
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Add a godawful amount of cheese.
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Cook for 20 - 25 seconds until the cheese is melted.
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Use fork to help slide the melty goodness on to the pancake.
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I leave the pancakes apart until Greg saddles up to eat it, otherwise the top pancake traps the heat on the inside and it remains too hot to eat for way too long.

Greg Eats
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BONUS!

You can also make an egg and cheese bagel using the same method. Instead of a bowl, use a soufflé dish or otherwise the egg will spillover out the sides of the bagel.
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Follow all the same steps except you might want to toast your bagel. The cheese may take a bit longer to melt in the more narrow confines of the soufflé dish.
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Pro-Tip: Put 1/2 the bagel insides down on the inside the soufflé dish and turn upside down instead of trying to pull the egg and cheese goodness out.
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Flip!
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Top it and admire your work.
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HolyJuan Eats
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SUPER BONUS
Watch the nuclear abomination that is formed when egg, cheese and microwaves meet.

Signtific Lab

Turning Pink Slips into HOPE

LORAIN OH – Many hard working Americans are faced with possible job loss during these tough economic times and it is very easy for the recently dismissed to lose hope. Neild Mortgage, in Lorain, Ohio, has been laying off staff over the past few months and owner Orlando Neild decided to put a positive spin on the pink slip. “During the election, I was made hopeful by Obama’s campaign posters. The colors and letters make me feel good no matter what the message.” When Orlando was faced with having to lay off some of his staff, he decided to deliver the negative message with a positive attitude. His idea was to deliver the bad news with a message of HOPE.


“I feel that if you are going to deliver bad news, you might as well do it in a pretty way. Make it so that they can turn an unhappy event into lemonade.”


Orlando paid a graphic design firm over $45,000 dollars to design the pink slips and to come up with a “Feel Better in 2010” message. Orlando helped with the design, “I said ‘Keep the blue on the right. That is more positive.’ And in these minus times, we all need the positive.” Mr. Nield also helped with writing the positive messages and ensured that each employee was personally escorted out of the building by two Career Enhancers/Security Guards.