HolyJuan

Published!

I sometimes pretend that I am a writer. Thoughts fall out of my head, the keyboard clacks and some of these ponderings actually make it into somewhat legible sentences for you to read. But that doesn’t make me a writer. It makes me a blogger. Anyone (and most everyone) is a blogger. To be a writer, you have to get published.

I am now a writer.

Last month, I got an e-mail from Brian Egeston, Editor-in-Chief at Barbershop Digest. BD is a publication that is directed towards barbershop patrons in the Atlanta area. Usually these patrons are black. He said he liked my story about my trip to a local black barbershop and that he wanted to publish my article. I won’t go into the amount of money he offered me to print the piece, but let’s just say it was more than I have even been offered in the past for an article.

I agreed to let him print the story, sent him a headshot and waited patiently for the month to pass.

And now it has passed.

That is not me walking in the barbershop in the photo above, though it almost fooled me.

So please, head over to Barbershop Digest and once there, click on the magazine on the left hand side for the PDF of the September 2008 issue. Of course you should read my article, but also read some of the other offerings. I especially liked "The Pimps vs The Preachers" feature article. Oh... and the little boy getting his hair cut for the first time is very cute.

Thanks for reading everyone. I couldn't have done it without you.

HolyJuan (pimp)* (*Official pimp status not confirmed.)

{EDITOR'S NOTE - I think we killed BD's bandwidth. The link to the PDF does not work anymore. Here's a photo of the article.}

Republican National Committee Preempts God and Puts Palin at Top of Ticket

WASHINGTON DC – In another unpredictable and bold move, the Republican National Comittee has decided to shift Sarah Palin up as the nominee for President and move John McCain down into the Vice President slot. RNC representative Chris Sarver was gleeful about the change, “Sarah Palin has fully demonstrated that she can take on the role of President. Her numbers are way up so we decided to do what is in the best interest for the country.”

“John McCain is in pretty good shape for a 72 year old man, but when you stick Palin and McCain on the stage together, he starts to look feeble and sickly. Not even the weekly embryonic stem cells injections are helping.” When asked about McCain’s health, Sarver claimed, “The shock of actually winning this election will probably kill McCain. We never thought we would actually win, but now that we have a strong chance, we are taking preemptive action. Basically, we are cutting out the middle man.”

When questioned about the legality of the move, party officials stated that, “The RNC’s Executive Committee can determine if a nominee is fit to take on a Presidential or Vice Presidential Role. It is in our Party’s best interest to win this election and we think that Palin can do it! And on top of that she has assured us this is God's will."

On a final note, Mr. Sarver added, "Did I mention she’s so goddamn charismatic?”

We sent an e-mail to John McCain for comment, but he was unable to answer.

Caught in Hurricane Ike

We both made it out, but it was touch and go for a while.

Foot File with BONUS

Saw this great ad for a new dead skin removal product. It looks like the recycling thing has gone a bit too far...

Fort Navarone and the Trade Federation MTT

My son, very badly, wants a Star Wars LEGO #7662: Trade Federation MTT.

My wife believes it is a large, expensive piece(s) of plastic that will be destroyed, lost and forgotten.

I know his pain.

When I was a nine years old boy, I wanted, with all my heart and soul, a Fort Navarone playset.

It was a giant mountain of a fort that came with armies, vehicles, guns and a real, live working elevator. It was the greatest thing in the world.

It was almost Christmas and the Fort Navarone playset was glossy and crinkled in the JC Pennys catalog. The smell of the ink was strong on my fingers. I had been reviewing the details of it for hours and then stashing it under the couch for easy access. I finally got up the nerve to ask my dad if I could have it for Christmas. I practiced asking and kept repeating, “It’s the only toy I want!”

Dad was in the kitchen and I stood at the doorway with the catalog behind my back. He beckoned me forward and I came in, my socks sliding across the linoleum.

“I think I know what I want for Christmas.”

“What’s that?”

I put the catalog out and he took it.

I said bravely, “The Fort Navarone Playset. It comes with armies and tanks.”

Dad looked over his glasses to get a closer view.

I forgot to say it was the only gift I wanted for Christmas.

He cut me off before I had the chance. He said, and I remember it to the word, “This? This is just a big piece of plastic. It’s not worth the money.”

He handed the catalog back and I left the kitchen. I tore out the page and hid it between my mattress and bedspring. I’d pull it out every so often, but those times became fewer and further between.

Months later I found it when we were pulling our mattresses off our beds to have a pile of soft to jump into from the top bunk. By that time I had hardened my heart to it. I threw it out.

But I never forgot it.

I’m not mad at my father because of this. He’s right. It was a big hunk of plastic that probably wasn’t worth the money. To him.

Now my son wants this huge, expensive hunk of plastic that he will probably destroy, lose and forget.

But I do not forget.

Merry Christmas Greg.

I kissed a girl and then I went to hell

Our local free paper, The Other Paper, printed this photo of a local church and their opinion about a recent pop song.

Personally, I like to think that our God is an all loving God and that He would not frown upon an innocent make out session between two chicks. Ephesians 10:21 states, "And doth Mary did kiss Mary Magdalene on the lips and tasted the berries and doth she likened it."

Amen.

How to tell if a Boy/Girl likes or hates you

Understanding people can be very confusing, especially when emotions come into play. Here is a very simple guide to help you figure out when the opposite sex likes or does not like you.

FOR GIRLS
Signs that a boy hates you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you.

Signs that a boy likes you:
1. He ignores you.
2. He pushes you at school
3. He calls you and hangs up
4. He dates your best friend
5. He tells all his buddies that he hates you

FOR BOYS

Signs that a girl likes you:
1. She pretty much comes right out and tells you that she likes you

Signs that a girls hates you:
1. When she pretends that she likes you.