Showing posts with label winner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label winner. Show all posts


I'm not sure if you remember the Guess How Much Money is in the Bag contest, but the winner of the contest was some guy named John from North Carolina.

As it turns out, John and I are in the same industry and I saw him at a trade show in Florida.

That's fucked up.

What's not fucked up is a girl punching me in the face.

Bag o' Money winner!

We finally got a winner in the Bag o' Money contest. John from North Carolina correctly guessed $16.91.

Here's the goods before they were sent out. (The cash was in my car. I did actually send it.)

Here is the letter I sent along:

Dear John,

Thank you for entering and winning the “How Much Money is in the Bag” contest on While I almost had to spoon feed my readers the answer, you were the one with the wherewithal and the quickest correct guess of $16.91.

While you are taking food from the mouths of my children with this win, I do want you to spend this money appropriately. May I suggest one of the following:

16.9 condoms (use the .9 condom if you are planning on reproducing)
1 really, really cheap hooker
1/10 of a more expensive hooker
67 games of Donkey Kong at the retro arcade
33 games of Dragon’s Lair at the retro arcade
5 bags of Swedish Fish (Damn, they are addictive)
4 Happy Meals that my children will not be eating

Best of luck!

HolyJuan, Esquire

PS. Please use the included HolyJuan refrigerator magnet at your discretion. Your friends may actually find out what you have been up to.


And after spending $45.56 on postage, here is John with the goods!

"I always wanted a sack with $$ on it. Thanks Holy Juan!"

We have a winner!

Thank you to everyone who participated in the "Bag Not Really Full of Money" guessing game. Our winner is WNA who hails from NC and he correctly guessed $16.91.

Next contest: guess how much my vasectomy cost. (And no, it wasn't by the inch.)