Dear HolyJuan,
My job has just been made redundant, and I need to avoid being offered a new one internally for the next month (at which point they will be forced to pay me out).
Do you have any suggestions for applications and interviews?
Sincerely,
Desperately Avoiding Employment
Dear Desperately Avoiding Employment,
Holy fucking Rosetta Stone! What exactly are you trying to ask? I can barely make it out through the accent. From your e-mail address, I can tell you are from Australia. I went to the Yahoo Babble Fish translation page and tried to get your letter translated from Australian to American, but I couldn’t find the correct settings.
So I did the next closest language which was, of course, Dutch and here is the translation I got:
Dear HolyJuan,
My job has just leg maggot redundant, and I need to avoid being offered a new one internally for the next month (ate which point they will be forced to pay me out).
Do you property any suggestions for applications and interview?
Sincerely,
Desperately Avoiding Employment
This was still confusing, which made me realize that Australia was originally one giant walled prison where horrible, awful humans were kept. Everyone knows the worst people in the world are German so I translated from German into American:
Dear HolyJuan,
My job has just put maggot redundantly, and I need tons avoid being off-talk, A of new one internally for the NEXT month (which POINT ate they wants fuel element forced tons pay ME out).
DO you property any suggestions for applications and interview?
Sincerely,
Desperately Avoiding Employment
I made a mathematical assessment of the grammar and realized this needed one final translation: cockney.
Dear 'olyJuan,
Me Uncle Bob there are just put maggot redundantly, and I need tons avoid bein' off-talk, to of new one internally for the NEXT monff (wich POINT ties they wants fuel element forced tons pay ME out).
For DO yer property any suggestions applications and interview, then, guv?
Sincerely,
Desperately Avoidin' Employment
My reply:
Dear Desperately Avoidin' Employment,
I’d suggest you suck it up for the next month, do your assigned work and punch the clock at the end of the day like every other God-fearing Australian.
And go see a doctor about the maggots. That’s just gross.
Love,
‘olyJuan
Showing posts with label translation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label translation. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
English words that cannot be translated into another language
I just finished watching a film where the cool, foreign guy causes the American chick to swoon simply by dropping a few words on her that cannot be translated into English. I then thought to myself, on my next trip overseas, what words can I use to charm the armpit-haired girls to get them in the sack?
Behold , a list of English words and phrases that have no translation overseas or in French Canada.
Misunderestimate
Thank goodness for the current administration’s eight years of adding seemingly American words to our dialect. I dare you to find “decider” in a French dictionary or the Hungarian word for “strategery.” Many a Mexican immigrant has gotten into fist fights with their second language teacher over the pronunciation of "nucular" that they heard on the televisión.
Blow Job
Sure, there are translations in every language for the greatest gift a woman can give a man, but nothing literal; after all, only Americans would say “blow” when they really mean "suck" and “job” when they mean “can I have this one for free?”
Pillow Talk
In France, guys leave after sex. In Slovakia, they pull up their britches and head outside to trim the hedge. Only in America will you find guys chit-chatting after sex. The funny part is trying to translate this concept into a foreign language: “The after-sex speak, during which time the man lies about love, and the woman lies about orgasm.”
Tidal Wave
I’ve run into way too many high-and-mighty people who frown upon the American word “Tidal Wave.” When Indonesia was decimated a few years back, I was chastised for saying “tidal wave.” When a high-and-mighty says, “A Tsunami struck!” ask them, “What is a tsunami?” and watch as they look around before whispering, “A tsunami is a tidal wave.”
Taint
No one but Americans would have a name for the area of the body that ain’t the balls and ain’t the ass.
Chode
No one, save the Americans, would have a second word for the word taint.
Redneck
Other countries are small, and so they can only make fun of other countries. The United States is too damn big, and we like to pick on the people in our sister states, or, as it were with this definition, our sister and wife states.
Pocketbook
Just what the hell is a pocketbook? You’ll never know if you speak another language. Turns out it’s a satchel for carrying around your most important woman stuff. It’s not a book and it’s not small enough to fit into anyone’s pocket. In other languages you can roughly translate it to, “Over the shoulder satchel used to hide everything you want, but nothing you need.”
Pocket Pussy
Staying with the theme, here… Have you ever seen one of these cure-alls for the lonely man? Well, it doesn’t look like pocket, it won’t fit in a pocket and it certainly won’t hold your car keys. As for the pussy… I’m not sure. If this were to translate literally, you’d have a wave of Japanese men ordering “dirtied” Levis off the internet and then banging them. Oh, I guess we already do.
Behold , a list of English words and phrases that have no translation overseas or in French Canada.
Misunderestimate
Thank goodness for the current administration’s eight years of adding seemingly American words to our dialect. I dare you to find “decider” in a French dictionary or the Hungarian word for “strategery.” Many a Mexican immigrant has gotten into fist fights with their second language teacher over the pronunciation of "nucular" that they heard on the televisión.
Blow Job
Sure, there are translations in every language for the greatest gift a woman can give a man, but nothing literal; after all, only Americans would say “blow” when they really mean "suck" and “job” when they mean “can I have this one for free?”
Pillow Talk
In France, guys leave after sex. In Slovakia, they pull up their britches and head outside to trim the hedge. Only in America will you find guys chit-chatting after sex. The funny part is trying to translate this concept into a foreign language: “The after-sex speak, during which time the man lies about love, and the woman lies about orgasm.”
Tidal Wave
I’ve run into way too many high-and-mighty people who frown upon the American word “Tidal Wave.” When Indonesia was decimated a few years back, I was chastised for saying “tidal wave.” When a high-and-mighty says, “A Tsunami struck!” ask them, “What is a tsunami?” and watch as they look around before whispering, “A tsunami is a tidal wave.”
Taint
No one but Americans would have a name for the area of the body that ain’t the balls and ain’t the ass.
Chode
No one, save the Americans, would have a second word for the word taint.
Redneck
Other countries are small, and so they can only make fun of other countries. The United States is too damn big, and we like to pick on the people in our sister states, or, as it were with this definition, our sister and wife states.
Pocketbook
Just what the hell is a pocketbook? You’ll never know if you speak another language. Turns out it’s a satchel for carrying around your most important woman stuff. It’s not a book and it’s not small enough to fit into anyone’s pocket. In other languages you can roughly translate it to, “Over the shoulder satchel used to hide everything you want, but nothing you need.”
Pocket Pussy
Staying with the theme, here… Have you ever seen one of these cure-alls for the lonely man? Well, it doesn’t look like pocket, it won’t fit in a pocket and it certainly won’t hold your car keys. As for the pussy… I’m not sure. If this were to translate literally, you’d have a wave of Japanese men ordering “dirtied” Levis off the internet and then banging them. Oh, I guess we already do.
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