Freckled Jenn made a slight spacial error and backed her car into her husband's jeep. It left a hole in her bumper. I asked her how big the hole was. She said it was $800 big. I was curious as to how big $800 was so I did some scientific studies by filling the hole with mathematically proven, standard sized objects.
The following items: 2' long 2"x4" board mostly empty Kroger Brand mouth wash empty pack of beef jerky mostly empty 16 oz Gatorade Bottle (Frost Flavor) ...fit nicely into the hole.
That's how big an $800 hole is. I left the objects in there so that Jenn would also know how big the hole was.
As it turns out, the back of Bobby's pick up truck is also $800 big because Jenn threw my measuring devices in the back of Bobby's truck.
Author's note: It seems that because Bobby was unaware of the $800 worth of measuring devices in his truck bed, he failed to secure them. There is now $400 worth of measuring devices along 315N somewhere between 70 and Lane Ave.
If you happen to see them, feel free to contact me for their return.
Several of these concrete benches line the driveway in front of my office. If you lost a wrench, I think I have found it. The concrete around the wrench is starting to chip away. I'm sure that just the tips were visible in the recent past.
I have received a surprising number of e-mails concerning the "Jesus... that's morbid" cartoon asking me what the fuck is going on with it. Here is the comic in question:
Greg was hooked on the McGriddle and we couldn't afford his habit. A month in the St. Bernice of the Heathen Springs Rehab got the toxins out of his system, but the boy still craves the carbs and cholesterol.
So now we make the Cheese, Egg and Pancake sandwich. It's cheap, easy and takes less than three minutes.
Stack the frozen pancakes and microwave for 55 seconds.
While they are nuking, spray the bowl with non-stick spray. Add one egg in the bowl.
Beat the egg until it reveals the secret hideout.
Remove the pancakes from the microwave. I separate them so they begin to cool.
Nuke the egg for 20 seconds. It will still be a bit runny.
Add a godawful amount of cheese.
Cook for 20 - 25 seconds until the cheese is melted.
Use fork to help slide the melty goodness on to the pancake.
I leave the pancakes apart until Greg saddles up to eat it, otherwise the top pancake traps the heat on the inside and it remains too hot to eat for way too long.
