Writing is hard. It’s hard because there are many things I
would rather do than write.
A list of things I would rather do than write:
Surf the web.
Play video games.
Look at porn.
Find some other colloquialism for “surf the web.”
But I love to write. I really do. It’s like the words make
themselves up in between the time I start to think of them and when my fingers press
the keys.
I once tried to “write” using voice recognition software. It
was horrible. My voice doesn’t seem to have the same talent as my fingers. My
voice is in the fourth grade. It doesn’t have a decent vocabulary. My problem
is that I can’t think and talk at the same time. I think that’s why I cannot
remember people’s names. I’m talking to fill in the awkward gaps of silence.
When I write, or rather type, there is no pause. The words
seem to trickle out my fingers faster than my mind can follow. There’s just
enough time for me to process and then type.
Honestly, I didn’t know this is what I would be writing
about right now. I thought that I would be writing about fear and loneliness.
But instead I’m actually talking about words per minute and voice recognition
software and how my fingers magically can make words on a screen better than my
own voice.
Back on topic… writing.
The first rule of writing is to not write about writing.
The second rule of writing is that if you are going to talk
about writing, you’d better make it pretty fucking interesting.
I don’t write anymore. That’s pretty damn sad.
I don’t write anymore because it’s too hard or rather that
not writing is too easy. I spend a lot of time on Twitter writing very simple
140 character phrases. That’s easy. It’s easy to be Fake Dispatch. It’s harder
to be Holy Juan. On top of that, it’s especially hard to be Doug. No one wants
to be Doug.
Can I tell you how great it is to write? What it feels like
to put words on paper and know that I just need to wrap this up and hit publish
for you to read them? It’s awesome. But
for some reason, I don’t do this as much.
I used to think it was because I ran out of stories. I think my stories
ran out some time in 2007.
So, I’m going to wrap this up. If you are reading this, it
is because you are a dedicated fan. I haven’t published anything worth reading
in months and if you are still hanging on to my last word, thanks. Thanks,
because now this is my new last word.
I’m hoping there will be more new last words.
