Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wife. Show all posts

Things I Have Learned as a Husband

Filling a dirty pan with water and letting it soak is not considered washing it.

Staying out late is being out until 11:59pm
Staying out all night is anytime past 12:01am

If your wife says she doesn’t want jewelry, she does.

Wives like sex, just not right now.

The bed does not make itself. Saying that you are just going to sleep in it again is not a valid excuse.

It was not pure luck that my work shirts are hanging in the closet.

Always keep track of favors and tasks. If you owe, it’s best to remember and pay up. It is human nature to remember that you’ve done the laundry the last 30 times or given the last 5 baths. Try to keep it even.

My kids might have a sense of humor and know what The Force is because of me, but all the other credit goes to my wife.

Don’t mention that you found hair in the shower.

Most everything is a test. I’m scoring in the low 20s and there is no curve.

Grey hair only exists on my head.

Putting away leftovers does not mean eating what’s left out of the pan over the sink.

Whole cucumbers do not belong in the garbage disposal no matter what cool noise they make.

If there is a good looking girl at work, I immediately go home and tell my wife about her. I’m not sure why except that it seems like the right thing to do.

It’s not worth arguing about toilet seat status or how much toilet paper makes up a single use.

When you get into an argument in the car there is usually nothing interesting to look at out the window.

Whoever cooks, the other person does the dishes.

It is better for me to go to work unshaven than to use the pink razor in the shower. (Or I should learn to rinse the pink razor better.)

Don’t discuss your sex life on the internet.

Before two kids it was morning sex. After two kids it’s mourning sex.

I am not a very good learner.

My wife is the most tolerant woman in the world. I love her very much. Happy Valentine's Day!

Recycling a website article is not considered a valid Valentine's Day present.