Showing posts with label surprise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surprise. Show all posts

Valentine’s Day Surprise

I went to Taco Bell on Friday night early Saturday morning and ended up shooting chili cheese burrito down the front of my jacket. Sally had just washed that jacket for the first time in two years and now it was going to go in the wash again for the second time in a week.

I threw it in the washer after scraping the 35% beef off the front and spraying it down with something that I think I was supposed to yell “BAM!” while squeezing the trigger. I stuffed other clothes in the washer because my jacket would be lonely and the environment would weep if I didn’t.

Into the dryer.

Out and on to the coat rack.

Because it was a balmy 36 degrees the rest of the weekend, I didn’t see my jacket until Monday morning as Greg and I walked out the door to the garage. My assumption was that it was going to be warm enough to not have a jacket so I just threw it on the front seat.

We pulled into the preschool parking lot and when I jumped out, I realized that it was actually way freaking warmer in my garage than the outside, so I grabbed the jacket off the passenger seat and threw it on.

As Greg and I walked to the doors, I felt something folded up at the pocket flap by my sleeve. I thought my cuff was stuck, but there was something there. As we got up to the door I looked down and saw what it was.

It was Miss Sally’s underwear.

It was stuck to the Velcro that keeps the pocket closed. With several other parents coming and going, I deftly grabbed the undies and stuck them in my pocket. I snickered to myself as we entered and Greg kept asking why I was laughing.

Many women’s magazines suggest spicing up the love life by having the woman stick her underwear in the husband’s pocket so he’ll know there will be some loving later on. As this was Valentine’s Day, I asked Miss Sally if this was the case. Not so much.

Well, in lieu of a Valentine’s Day gift, I told her that I wouldn’t speak a word of this to anyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day Miss Sally!

PS Check your jacket pocket tomorrow, Sally. Hubba hubba!

Return Envelope Surprise

On one of my last days at my old job, I was offered a look at one of our postage paid return envelopes that had been delivered back to our offices. Normally this envelope would be filled with very, very boring stuff.

Here is the envelope. Looks like the sender is a supporter of stopping breast cancer.

Here's the back. Puppy and kitten stickers!

And inside...

Good old American porn.

I have done similar things with obnoxious mailings from credit card companies, except normally I just take the stuff out of one credit card application and switch it with the stuff from another. This was genius.

And it was real porn. I just arranged the pages so the really good stuff was face down. And I did not get excited by the content. I just had to go pee right afterwards.