Showing posts with label flat earth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flat earth. Show all posts

Jesus Accidentally Reveals that the World is Round

GALILEE (HJ) - Jesus accidentally let it slip to the apostles that the world was round today during an informal breakfast. The crew had spent in the night in Samaria in preparation for a speaking engagement later that next day. Jesus was really hitting home the message of telling people about God by “spreading the Word of his Father around the globe.” Matthew spoke up and corrected Jesus by suggesting, “Don’t you mean the edges of the earth, your holiness?” “Excuse me?” Jesus asked quietly. Lebbaeus followed up with, “You said ‘around’ and ‘globe’ as if the Earth wasn’t flat.” Jesus raged, “Of course I meant the edges of the earth. I’m the fucking Son of God who is all-knowing. I meant around the flat globe.”

An unknown source close to Jesus believes that the Son of God knows a lot more than he is letting out, but that the encumbrance of knowing the whole story would crumple the minds of his followers. “Jesus once mentioned that Herod’s policies were pre-Cambrian. We assume that all this will be revealed to us at the proper time.” (Editor’s Note: This source was paid in silver for his account.)

After breaking their fast and gathering up the white wine and red dye packs, James was overheard speaking to Nathanial, “The earth is round? Surely he doesn't expect us to take such a preposterous concept on faith alone, does HE?!"

During the trip to the next gig, Jesus apologized and said the stresses of the upcoming crucifixion and three day confinement in the dark tomb were wearing on him. “If we don’t nail this finale, Dad’s gonna be pissed.” He held up two fingers, “Without me, it’ll just be Jews and Muslims and they could form a long lasting peace.” He held up the third, “A third branch will ensure millennia of strife and endless worship.”

At the speaking engagement, while the team prepared the false bottom baskets, James, son of Zebedee, questioned his brother John about the slip. John let it slide and said, “Everyone knows the world is flat. You know Jesus. He’s got a lot on his mind.”