Swedish Fish Dis

Two days ago I got a comment on my story about how 100 calorie packs of Swedish Fish are not as good as the full sized ones.

In the story I suggest that people DO NOT buy the smaller Swedish Fish and instead eat about 5 of the regular sized fish as they equal about 100 calories.

The comment was by someone named "Anonymous" and it said:
Your calorie count is way off. According to their website, 100 calories is about 14 fish (19 pieces are 140 calories) - http://www.swedishfish.com/products.html#red

So I said:
Hello Anon! You have issued me a challenge. I hope you understand what you have done.

I am going to go out, buy a bag of the regular sized fish and then I am going to math. I'm gonna math hard.

I'll post the results.

The winner gets a bag of Swedish fish.

Deal?

So I went out and purchased an 8oz bag of the regular sized fish and here is a photo of the Nutrition Facts:


Serving size is 7 pieces and a serving has 150 calories. Divide 7 into 150 and you get about... crap. let me get a calculator.

21.42 calories per fish

100 divided by 21.42 is 4.6 or about 5.

You owe me a bag of fish Anonymous! You can e-mail the fish to me at holyjuan@gmail.com.

Swedish Fish 100 Calorie Packs – DON’T BE FOOLED!

I am a connoisseur of Swedish Fish. I love them and they love me. I eat them and they melt in my mouth and swim in my belly. The only problem with them is that they come in eight ounce, single serving packs. The bag might suggest that there are five servings inside, but once the bag is opened, it is too hard to avoid the red, succulent sweetness inside and soon the pack is empty.

While browsing the candy isle at the grocery store for road trip snacks, I found the solution to my calorie engorging issue… Swedish Fish 100 Calorie Packs. Five one-hundred calorie packs per box! I could eat the sweet fish with a measure of control! I was delighted.


Next day, during our seven hour trip to North Carolina, I cracked open a 100 calorie packet of Swedish Fish. The pack shone in the sun and light flickered off the words on the package, “Smaller Pieces, Same Big Flavor.” Into my hand poured several smaller, but tasty looking fish. I popped them in my mouth…

Something was wrong. They were not the same. They were slightly gritty. They were not as gummy. They tasted… off. Tears slipped from my eyes and I blamed the glare off the road.

Here is a photo of the smaller fish with a normal sized fish:


You can tell from the photo that the larger fish is less opaque. The smaller fish is foggy.

Here’s a section view:


The ingredients on both packs are the same. I think the problem is with scale (fish scale?) The fish are smaller, but the skin thickness is the same if not thicker! There is less gummy in the middle. It’s just not the same.

Stay away from the 100 calorie snack packs. For 100 calories, eat about 5 of the larger fishes.

Ask HolyJuan: Movie Food

Dear Holy Juan~

Since we have lately been on the topic of food, I am curious as to which food is the best to purchase at movie theatres. They have Dots, they have Junior Mints, they have Red Vines, and a plethora of other odd food items. My closest friend tells me that Junior Mints are popular because people want to have fresh breath after the movie so they can get laid.

I eagerly await your wisdom on this topic.

~Marcie
dogsdontpurr.com


Dear ~Marcie,

The correct answer is Swedish Fish.



And you do not need fresh breath if you are getting a blow job (the sex act of choice for the movie theatre) or if you are giving one, mints make for a “OH MY GOD MY DICK IS BURNING!!” which when uttered in the theatre, sometimes causes a fuss.

I hope this helps!

Your friend,

HolyJuan