General Motors CEO announces "Financial problems fixed with one phone call to number on telephone pole sign"

DETROIT, Mi (HJ)- In a surprising turn of events, General Motors Corp. CEO Fritz Henderson announced today that GM would be avoiding bankruptcy and possibly even be retuning the $15.4 billion in federal loans it received. Mark LaNeve, GM vice president of sales, service and marketing, said in a statement, “By golly, it’s a frickin’ miracle.”

While Wall Street’s reaction has been one of shock and surprise, Mr. Henderson said all it took was a simple call. “I was being driven home at 2:00pm after a long day at the office. I had Westerly take the long way home and in doing so, we passed a telephone pole with a sign stating ‘Fix Your Credit’. I decided to give it a go.” Within a few moments and presses of the keypad, Mr. Henderson was connected with a helpful sales associate named Ramón Greschchi. “In just a few minutes, we were able to restructure GM’s loans and spread the debt out over 3,134,554 credit cards with a 23.9% interest rate."

While many stockholders are wary of the deal, Mr. Henderson was ecstatic about the future of the company and the details of the restructuring, "I’m also getting a free name brand computer with monitor and printer!”

Photo via


Jack Alexander said...

Right. And the Earth is square. No, make that triangular...

sedgehurst said...

Wait until they figure out that you can build a Chrysler LeBaron in the comfort of your own home. It's easy!