CHICAGO (FD) - American Airlines announced a cost savings measure
today that has passengers up in arms and they are literally not taking it
sitting down. Airlines have been cutting fuel costs by reducing weight on
planes through baggage restrictions and cutting back on provided amenities such
as food and blankets. Hawaiian Airlines is currently under investigation for forcing passengers to be weighed and made to change seats to distribute weight. Courts have struck down attempts to charge passengers by
the pound so a different route was required.
In a drastic
effort to cut down on plane weight, American Airlines is requiring that all passengers
use the bathroom before boarding the plane. Special porta-potties are being
brought into Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport for a trial run of the
elimination requirement.
 |
| Passengers are instructed on how to use the porta potty measuring device |
Passengers were
not at all pleased with the new requirement. “I’m not ten years old,” remarked
an anonymous passenger. Steven Bosch, 32, of Evansville, IN stated, “I just
used the facilities before I went through security. Now I have to try to go
again?”
American Airlines
spokeswoman, Jeannette Spencer, attempted to quell much of the concerned
public. “This is in the best interest for all our customers. Not only does it
reduce fuel usage and lower costs, but it also reduces the lines for the
bathroom on the plane at the gate and once it is in the air. We estimate that
each year, 10,374 hours are wasted at the gate while our customers use the
on-plane lavatory causing takeoff delays. This will ensure that everyone has
already gone before the flight departs.”
Passengers must
use the facilities at least twenty minutes prior to leaving and will not be
allowed to board unless they have “tried to go” at least twice. Receipts are
provided at the facilities for proof of deposit.
As a bonus,
passengers who eliminate more than two pounds of waste will receive a refund
for every additional six ounces deposited. Mark Crawler of Byhalia, Mississippi
has taken full advantage of the situation, “I ate like a champ last night and
made sure I had bran flakes and a bunch of coffee this morning and wah-la, $25
in poop-ons”.
Ms. Spencer
commented, “We don’t officially call them poop-ons, but rather certificates of
deposit.”
The test program
will continue though the end of this year.
