I’ve seen it before. You and your boyfriend have been dating for a year or so. You are looking for him to propose and he’s happy with how things are going. Little does he realize that things are about to be going really shitty if he doesn’t buy a ring and get on a knee. Here are some helpful hints to get your boyfriend to propose to you:
Burn down his house
You’ve probably been spending a lot of time together, but you both still keep your own residences. What Mr. Happy needs is a good house burning. When all his clothes and Sandman graphic novels are ashes, he’s going to be vulnerable and he’s going to need you more than ever. Over time, finding a new place would just be a hassle. He’ll see you with new eyes. In a few weeks, when the insurance check comes, I can assure you that he’s use some of the proceeds to buy a ring.
Talk about his brother or best friend
Guys are jealous fucks. They think about your ex-boyfriends and they think about the other two (yeah right) guys you’ve had sex with. Guys assume that you are having sex with your co-workers and than on girls' night you get drunk and blow guys at the club. All guys do it. If you start talking about his friends or his brothers, he’ll start to imagine that you are hot for them. Competition is tough between friends and family and to prove to them that he is top dog, he’ll pop the question to lay ownership over you.
Play online games with voice chat
Your boyfriend will think it is great that you play online games. He'll probably spend a lot of time on your couch playing your system. You'll probably play a lot of games together which is wonderful for relationship building. But after two years of his ass on your couch, you'll want to step up your game. Literally. Start playing games that require you to use voice chat. In game, most guys have stupid usernames like BigDick33 and HumpingYouLeg. Once your boyfriend starts hearing you say, "Nice moves, BigDick" or "Good save, HumpMyLeg," he'll begin to think that maybe it's time to seal the deal and ensure you don't run off with some Orc Shaman from Toledo.
Buy a pet together and then “lose” it
Simple and diabolical. Find someone who sells pets, but has a 30 day return policy. Buy the pet and make sure you suggest that since he hasn’t proposed, this will help you to emotionally handle the situation. He’ll be relieved that the engagement pressure is off. One day while he’s off at Best Buy, return the pet to the vendor and suggest you have allergies. When he comes home, he’ll find the house frantically torn up and you crying that Mrs. Krinkle has disappeared. Between sobs, make sure you drop a few hints about how much the pet meant to you and that your feelings of emptiness will never be filled. Give it a week and he’ll pull the old “Propose by tying the ring on the new puppy’s collar” trick. Sucker.
Become a stripper
This one is two fold. First off, guys dig strippers. To think they could actually marry one would be huge. Secondly, if the rage of jealously doesn’t make a ring appear, you’ll make enough money to buy your own ring. Why was it you were dating this guy in the first place? What are you doing later? Is Trixie your real name?
reddit: Writing Prompt - 4th Grade Cult Status
(Author's Note: the website reddit has a subreddit called Writing Prompts. Users suggest a topic and writers write. I decided to try it. The prompt for this story was:
I realize now that I didn't fully read the prompt or fully remember it. Doesn't matter, I wrote this below.
4th Grade Cult Status
I wasn't trying to avoid the six work emails I had to write.
But I was finding other things to keep my mind off not thinking about thinking
about it. So the bills were paid. Desktop clean. Computer desktop clean. Fuzz
from mouse removed. Into the bin. Trash bin emptied. Computer trash can
emptied. Email maintenance! Delete and sort. Sort and delete. Hey... the junk
email folder. I don't think I've ever cleaned that out. Open.
1,500 emails. Hours of work avoidance!
The junk emails seemed to be from many of the same websites,
so sorting by FROM made it easy to get rid of 85% of them. For a moment, I
almost clicked on DELETE ALL, but I didn't and kept sorting through. I found an
email with a code for a game I hadn't played in months. No expiration date...
move to INBOX. Already this was worth it.
DEACTIVATION NOTICE.
That email looked important. I'm not
sure why my junk folder swallowed it. It was dated from eight years ago!
Scanning, my eye caught the word "tits" in the username
"TitsMcG33." My computer sees tits and it goes right in the junk
folder.
The email said that my account on some website had not been
used in four years and my account would be frozen. I did not recognize the
website, though I do remember that TitsMcG33 or some variation of it was my go
to username when I was younger. I did the math in my head. And then I did it
again. Twelve years ago? I would have been in 4th grade? That seems awfully
young to be using the word tits. Now I was curious.
I clicked the link and it failed to open. I went directly to
the website and it was like seeing a 90s movie version of a website. Three
colors. Lots of text. No images...
And then it hit me... fourth grade. That would have been
when moved to the new house. Mom and dad were gone for work a lot then and
grandma watched us, or didn't watch us, as we had free rein all over the
internet. My brother got busted downloading music and the computers were locked
down with parental software after that. That might be why I didn't log back
into this site.
On a whim, I searched for "titsmcg33" in the area
that had the only photo on the site, a magnifying glass.
Three million results. Three million plus results for the
word titsmcg33.
I clicked the first one: "I'm not sure what I would
have done without him."
Further down the page: "Hero doesn't even begin to
describe him.
What guidance will he provide next week?"
Later: "The answers were hidden right in front of me,
but he made me see them."
Result after result. Hero. Genius. Savior? Some dated from
ten years ago. Some from last week. Each one praising me. Idolizing me. After
reading through some of the comments, I noticed they were referring to me as
TMG33, probably to hide the tits part. When I searched for TMG33 on the site,
there were eight million more results.
This was insane.
It finally hit me to sort by date, and in the oldest results
I found my posts. There were five of them. A list of words in each one. They
all went something like this:
hidden
away
find
deep
question
without
empty
yourself
panthers
truth
alive
Reading them now, the words seemed like some cryptic poetry.
Each set of words, some kind of secret roadmap to happiness. I re-read the
words and did start to feel their hidden meaning. That maybe things weren't so
bad. That I could be a better person if only I tried harder. There was some
kind of greater good in the world!
Panthers. Panthers? What deep meaning did this word have
with all the others?
And then I remembered. Panthers was our grade school mascot.
And in grade school, in fourth grade, when I didn't know any better and didn't
have really anything to say on the internet, I posted my spelling words on a
website. And without an explanation, people created their own meaning.
And I became a god.
My Glasses
Nine years ago I went to an eye appointment. I am nearsighted (slightly blind) and wear contacts. I also wear glasses when I’m not wearing the contacts. Because I do not wear my glasses out in public, I really do not care what the frames look like. So when the sales lady at the glasses store pointed me towards the $150 frames which were next to the $250 frames, I pointed at the small rack of forgotten, dusty frames in the corner.
“How much are those frames?”
“Those? Um, they vary. The prices are marked on a sticker on the arm.”
I found a pair for $40. “I’ll take them.” She was not impressed.
My wife was not impressed either when I brought them home a few weeks later. But I didn’t care. I only would wear them in the mornings for a few minutes.
So for nine years my glasses have gathered dust, worn only five or six times a year. I was actually hoping that if I waited long enough, they might come back in fashion.
But then we put a television in our bedroom and everything has changed. I’ll put the sleep timer on the television and fall asleep to thirty minutes of Comedy Central. To do so, I must wear my glasses. Most the time, I remove them at the last minute before falling asleep. Other times I wake up in the middle of the night with them still on and I remove them. And sometimes I find them in the bed or on the floor the next morning.
Six months ago I found them in the bed and on the floor. Like a mother panda, I rolled over on my glasses in the middle of the night and they broke at the bridge. I tried to glue them, but there wasn’t enough material and there was too much torque for them to hold. I tried watching TV at night with one side held down to the side of my head by gravity and the other held up, wedged between my head and the pillow. That worked as long as I didn’t move which didn’t work at all.
Miss Sally suggested on several occasions that I should get new frames and that she would go with me this time to help me decide (i.e. pick them out for me.) I said I would, but never have… because I fixed my glasses!
Using a brightly colored pencil with smiley faces on it and tape, I MacGyver-ize them back into perfect working order.
Here is a photo of them:
Just like new!!
I have only made it downstairs with these on a few times when I didn't want to put my contacts in. And they have only been outside once when I went to get the mail. My neighbor was mowing his lawn and did not look up to see me.
I am surprised that Miss Sally has not thrown them in the trash. She broke our honored oath of marriage when she mentioned the glasses to a co-worker which is why I am posting this now. I think Miss Sally realizes that the only way go get me to buy new frames is to watch me embarrass myself to the general public.
So here you go:
New glasses? Who needs new glasses! These work just fine.
I'm thinking about sharpening the pencil so that I can write down and remember my very special dreams.
“How much are those frames?”
“Those? Um, they vary. The prices are marked on a sticker on the arm.”
I found a pair for $40. “I’ll take them.” She was not impressed.
My wife was not impressed either when I brought them home a few weeks later. But I didn’t care. I only would wear them in the mornings for a few minutes.
So for nine years my glasses have gathered dust, worn only five or six times a year. I was actually hoping that if I waited long enough, they might come back in fashion.
But then we put a television in our bedroom and everything has changed. I’ll put the sleep timer on the television and fall asleep to thirty minutes of Comedy Central. To do so, I must wear my glasses. Most the time, I remove them at the last minute before falling asleep. Other times I wake up in the middle of the night with them still on and I remove them. And sometimes I find them in the bed or on the floor the next morning.
Six months ago I found them in the bed and on the floor. Like a mother panda, I rolled over on my glasses in the middle of the night and they broke at the bridge. I tried to glue them, but there wasn’t enough material and there was too much torque for them to hold. I tried watching TV at night with one side held down to the side of my head by gravity and the other held up, wedged between my head and the pillow. That worked as long as I didn’t move which didn’t work at all.
Miss Sally suggested on several occasions that I should get new frames and that she would go with me this time to help me decide (i.e. pick them out for me.) I said I would, but never have… because I fixed my glasses!
Using a brightly colored pencil with smiley faces on it and tape, I MacGyver-ize them back into perfect working order.
Here is a photo of them:
Just like new!!
I have only made it downstairs with these on a few times when I didn't want to put my contacts in. And they have only been outside once when I went to get the mail. My neighbor was mowing his lawn and did not look up to see me.
I am surprised that Miss Sally has not thrown them in the trash. She broke our honored oath of marriage when she mentioned the glasses to a co-worker which is why I am posting this now. I think Miss Sally realizes that the only way go get me to buy new frames is to watch me embarrass myself to the general public.
So here you go:
New glasses? Who needs new glasses! These work just fine.
I'm thinking about sharpening the pencil so that I can write down and remember my very special dreams.
HOLEYBOARD RULES (Columbus Version 1.5)
HoleyBoard is a extremely competitive and fun game of skill and luck. These rules have been updated as of 8/2016 and are the Columbus 1.5 version of the rules.
Object of the Game
Two competitors or two, two person teams can play
Holeyboard at one time. The object of Holeyboard is to score exactly 21 points
before your opponent does and hope they don’t cancel your win and score 21
points for their win.
HoleyBoard Mantra
You can only win on your own third throw.
Unofficial HoleyBoard Manta
Cocky wins.
Set-up
The
Holeyboards should be measured 8' 4" apart or two end-over-end
board lengths. Competitors throw from
the same side and alternate sides between rounds. During a doubles match, teammates spilt up to
either side and do not switch sides between rounds. Challengers always go first. Standing anywhere on top of the board, each
competitor has three washers that he/she pitches towards the holes of the other
Holeyboard. The first Player up throws
all three of their washers, one at a time, before the second Player throws their washers. The
Player that scores last, cancels a score or knocks in an opponent’s washer goes
first the next round.
Example:
Player A throws all three of their washers.
Then Player B throws. During their turn, Player B knocks Player A’s
washer in a hole. Player A receives the points, but Player B has to throw first
the next round.
It is best if
one set of 3 washers look different from the other 3. Sometimes there is a lot of bouncing and easily
determining whose washers are whose will reduce argument time.
Scoring Points
Points are scored
when a washer goes in, stays in a hole and is not canceled. Each hole has a point value: the first hole
closest to the person pitching the washers is worth 1 point, the second/middle
hole is worth 3, and the third hole farthest away is worth 5 points. You score points if you throw your washer in,
knock your own washer resting on the top of the board in, or have your opponent
knock one of your washers in.
Competitors can cancel each other out, but only during the
same turn.
Example:
If Player A pitches a 5, then Player B can cancel those points by also pitching
a 5, not a 3 and two 1’s. If Player B would hit a 3 and two 1’s, then the score
would be 5 – 5.
Winning the Game
You must
score 21 points to win and you must win on your third throw by either getting
exactly 21 with the third throw or by Sticking the Victory with the third
washer. You can only win with your
own third throw.
If a Player
has successfully scores exactly 21 points and still has two washer left,
they must throw must “throw off” the second washer and the last washer
he/she pitches has to stick and stay on top of the board without falling off or
landing in a hole (otherwise known as STICKING THE VIC). If a Player
has successfully scored exactly 21 points and only has one washer left,
that washer must stick the vic. If he/she is unsuccessful in
their attempt, then they go back to the score they had at the beginning of the
round or if they have gone over 21 points, they go back from their starting
score the number of points scored that round.
(See “Going Over 21” below)
A competitor
can win without sticking the last washer is if he/she reaches 21 on the third
throw or causes another washer to fall in giving the thrower exactly 21. Players may use their 3rd washer
to knock in another washer for the win.
In this case, the thrown washer does not need to stick.
Example:
Player B goes second and has 18 points On the second throw he/she lands the
washer very close to the 3 point hole.
With the third throw, the third washer knocks the second washer in the 3
point hole and then the third washer goes flying off the board. Player B has 21 and wins the game because the
third washer caused the win.
A canceling
throw does not count as a Stick the Vic.
A competitor cannot
win if an opponent knocks in their washer giving them exactly 21 points. A player who is given 21 points (either by
knocking points in or by being cancelled backwards to 21 points) will have their
score returned to what it was at the beginning of the round.
Example: Player A goes first with 18 points. Player A lands his first washer near the 3
point hole and misses his/her last two throws.
Player B knocks Player A’s washer in the 3 point hole. Player A would go back to 18 points. It is possible to knock your opponent’s
washers in and have them go over 21.
Canceling a Win
A player can
void an opponent’s win in one of thee ways: canceling points, knocking in
opponent’s washers causing them to go over or by knocking their Stick the Vic
off the board.
Skunking your Opponent for the Win
11- 0 is a skunk.
The Player must stick the last washer to win or score exactly 11 on the
third throw.
Example:
Player A has 11 and sticks last washer.
Player B misses all three throws and Player A wins the game.
Example:
Player A has 11 but does not stick the last washer; he/she still
has 11 and must play to 21.
Example:
If Player A does not stick last washer but Player B cancels the
1, then Player A has 10 and still has a chance to skunk.
A skunk is
over as soon as the opponent scores any points by the end of the round.
Example:
Player A throws a five and two threes during the first round for a possible
skunk. Player B throws a one and avoids
the skunk. The score is now 11-1.
Going Over Twenty-One
If you go
over 21, your score is determined by taking the total number of points scored
that round and subtracting that from your score at the beginning of the round.
Example:
Player A has 15 points. Player A throws
two 3’s and accidentally throws a 1 while trying for the Stick the Vic. Player A’s score starting score (15) would be
reduced by 7 (3+3+1=7) giving them a score of 8 (15-7=8.)
If Player B
were to then cancel out any of Player A’s points and reduce the score of Player
A below 21 then Player A receives the new, under 21 score. If Player B cancels out points and leaves
Player A with exactly 21, then Player A’s score will return to the points they
had at the beginning of the round.
Example:
Player A has 15 points. Player A throws
two 3’s and accidentally throws a 1 while trying for the Stick the Vic. Player B throws a 3 and cancels Player A’s 3. Player A’s score would be 19 (22-3=19.)
Example:
Player A has 15 points. Player A throws
two 3’s and accidentally throws a 1 while trying for the Stick the Vic. Player B throws a 1 and cancels Player A’s 1
giving them a score of 21. Player A
would go back to his original score from that round (15), as if he had
attempted to win and missed.
If you go
over with the first washer, each throw after that continues to push your score
backwards.
Example: Player A has 20 and hits a 5, he/she will
drop to 15. He/she continues to throw on that same turn and hits another 5,
knocking them back five more points to 10.
In other words, once a Player goes over 21 they cannot score positive
points on that same turn.
Can There Be a Tie?
Are you
kidding? There are no ties. You must cancel the opponent’s win first
before attempting your own win. If
Player A scores 21 on third throw or Sticks the Vic, Player B must terminate
the win by canceling Players A’s points or by knocking off the Stick the Vic
washer before claiming their own win.
Example
1: Player A has 18 points; he throws in three 1s for the possible win. Player B has 15 points and throws a 1;
canceling A’s victory and follows it up with two 3’s for the win.
Example
2: Player A has 18 points; he throws a 3 and then Sticks the Vic for the
possible win. Player B has 15 points and
throws a brilliant shot knocking off player 1’s VIC, canceling A’s victory and
follows it up with two 3’s for the win.
NOTE: You
cannot win on a cancelled throw.
Example:
Player A has 18 points: he throws three 1s for the possible win. Player B has 15 points; he throws two 3s for
21 and then throws a 1, canceling player A’s win. Player B’s score goes back to 15. Player A’s score goes to 20.
There is no
score until all washers are thrown.
Rules of
Note: (Some of these
occur rarely but need to be addressed.)
No overhand throws.
Players
can stand anywhere on the board in any stance, but can not leave board surface
(i.e. stepping off board during throw or jumping towards other board.)
Any
throw that hits the floor first and bounces on the board does not count and
should be removed from the hole or playing surface. Any action caused by a bounced washer should
be reset to its original position.
The
throwing of two or three washers at the same time is not allowed. Throwing two or three washers at once is only
allowed when throwing off and the washers must not be thrown at the board, but
instead off to the side.
It is a very good idea to mark both sets of washers
with identifying marks before playing.
Both sets should be marked with the same medium to ensure an even
match. (i.e. both marked with Sharpie or
both painted with same type, but different color of spray paint.)
This is a gentleperson’s game and any washer
accidentally dropped is allowed to be picked up and thrown. Any miss-throw (i.e. any washer toss while
arm is in motion) does count. Tough
luck.
Vocabulary
Time!
THROWING
OFF is defined as when a Player intentionally throws one, two, or all three
washers to the ground as to not score any points or to set themselves up for a
final throw win. If you have 20 points
and only need a one to win, you can THROW OFF the first two washers and aim the
third for the one hole, avoiding the need for Sticking the Vic. You can also THROW OFF in strategic
situations to avoid canceling an opponent’s points if they have gone over 21 or
to avoid knocking in an opponent’s washer that is about fall in a hole that
might give them points.
A
FIRST ROUND SKUNK happens when a Player gets an 11-0 score in the first round
without it being cancelled by the other Player.
This is a very desirable win cause for great celebration.
iPhone 6s Stuck on Connect to iTunes Screen
Here is my solution if your iPhone 6s is stuck on the “connect
to iTunes” screen.
Here’s what happened to me on or around July 30th, 2016:
Need to dump vacation photos from wife’s iPhone
Updated iTunes
Connect phone
iTunes says phone has update, would I like to download.
(yes)
The update downloads (took a long time)
iTunes says “extracting update”
iTunes says “installing update”
After a while, iTunes says “install unsuccessful”
Phone screen shows “connect to iTunes”
Reconnect.
iTunes says, “Something is wrong. You need to update or do a
factory reset.” (shivers)
Phone will not update.
Eject phone.
Hold Home button and Wake button for 10 seconds until Apple
logo appears. After 2 seconds, the logo
is replaced by the “connect to iTunes” screen.
Got on Apple chat support. We were disconnected after 20 minutes.
New person didn’t have past 20 minutes of conversations. Hung up.
Search internet for “iPhone 6s photo recovery” and get “Wondershare
– Dr.Fone for iPhone 6”
Wondershare – Dr.Fone for iPhone 6 is software that is free
to download. It will connect to your
phone and let you know if the data is recoverable. If you want to recover it,
you have to pay something like $50 for the partial version of the program and
more for additional recovery options.
I just wanted to see if the data was recoverable so I
download the software.
When I run the software and plug in the phone, the software
says something along the lines of, “Your phone is not in a readable mode. Would
you like to restart.” I click yes.
THE HOME SCREEN POPS UP!!!!!
I upload all the photos to the cloud. Save all contacts and
backup passwords.
From the phone, I use the update function.
The phone updates.
I plug it into iTunes and it works fine.
Phew!
I hope this helps you.
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