Empty mason jar
Fill with ice
Add coffee
One creamer
Two creamers
Top off with more ice
After three of these I vibrate until about 2:00 a.m.
July 30th is Annual Update You Laminated List Day
I think everyone is aware
that July 30th is the Annual Update Your Laminated List Day!
As you all know, a
laminated list is the three famous people with whom your spouse/significant other will allow you
to have sex with, if ever the opportunity presents itself. If you happen to run
into one of your three famous people and they are drunk enough to let you jump in
the sack / couch / Robert Downey Jr.'s limo with you, then you have
permission to have guilt free sex with any one of the three people on that list.
This year, I have done an almost complete revamp of my list. I tried to
avoid being extremely creepy, so this list is just mostly creepy.
1. Christina Ricci (Not sure she will ever
leave the list)
2. Milana Vayntrub (She’s the AT&T girl and my crushy crush.)
Father's Day Gift Tips
What NOT TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Soap on a Rope (unless he’s in jail)
2. The DNA test (let’s just keep that between Mom and the Fed-Ex guy)
3. Anything with the word “soy” in it.
4. Used scaffolding
5. Beer in amounts more than 39 ounces
6. Rocking chair
7. Old Spice
8. Elvis anything
9. Chalk or anything that is written on with chalk
10. Lie detector
What TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Carbide
2. Link to website on how to delete internet history/cookies.
3. A tie (it’s back in this year)
4. Bacon, 10 pounds (raw or cooked)
5. Anything that starts with Nintendo, has Station in the middle or ends with Box.
6. Salted anything
7. Bribe money
8. Boxed wine
9. Dashboard hula girl
10. “How to Pass a Lie Detector Test” book/pamphlet
1. Soap on a Rope (unless he’s in jail)
2. The DNA test (let’s just keep that between Mom and the Fed-Ex guy)
3. Anything with the word “soy” in it.
4. Used scaffolding
5. Beer in amounts more than 39 ounces
6. Rocking chair
7. Old Spice
8. Elvis anything
9. Chalk or anything that is written on with chalk
10. Lie detector
What TO GET your dad for Father’s Day
1. Carbide
2. Link to website on how to delete internet history/cookies.
3. A tie (it’s back in this year)
4. Bacon, 10 pounds (raw or cooked)
5. Anything that starts with Nintendo, has Station in the middle or ends with Box.
6. Salted anything
7. Bribe money
8. Boxed wine
9. Dashboard hula girl
10. “How to Pass a Lie Detector Test” book/pamphlet
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