Button Weed

Call me a liar, but it's true... I don't smoke weed. It makes my hands feel big and my head thrums with every heartbeat. I just don't like it. I prefer a safer alternative, like alcohol. But I have some friends that like weed. This is a story about one time when my friend smoked button weed.

We had gone to Cleveland to visit friends. While there at my buddy's apartment, a few of his friends popped by. We were getting ready to head out to a concert/bar, when one of the chicks asked if anyone wanted to smoke some weed. A few did, so they stepped out back.

When they were done, we headed out to the show and then to a bar. All throughout the night, my stoned friend said nothing. He was really, really stoned. Once we were finally at the bar, I asked him when he was going to start speaking again. He said as soon as he remembered what vowels were. The next morning we questioned him as to why he was so stoned. He said that he didn't know and that it must have been the button weed.

I don't know about you, but I am not wise to the different kinds of weed out there. I know you can roll it or smoke it out of a pipe, but that's the extent of my knowledge. When he said "button weed" I assumed it was some type of potent, compressed weed that was in the shape of a button. A fabricated, easy to use portion that you might drop in a pipe or bong. An easy size to sell and transport. (This is starting to sound like a commercial.)

For the past two years, at times when people started talking about weed, I would bring up my friend and his experience with button weed. For some reason, button weed must be a Cleveland thing because no one had heard of it.

Last week found us back up in Cleveland for a less exciting trip. But the story about my friend being stoned came up again and the phrase button weed was mentioned. I remarked that the button weed must be a very regional drug because no one else had heard of it. My friends looked at me as if I was crazy. I explained what I thought button weed was... little, potent, button sized, compressed.

My friends laughed and laughed.

As it turns out, button weed was not used to describe what the weed was but rather what the girl kept it in: the little plastic bag that extra jacket buttons come in. She kept her weed in that bag and there were still some buttons in it with the weed. Button weed.

I'm an idiot.


Thomas said...

"I prefer a safer alternative, like alcohol."

What exactly makes you think that something such as alcohol is safer then cannabis?

Anonymous said...

Nice post but I take issue to your statement "I prefer a safer alternative, like alcohol." Countless scientific studies show that Cannabis is much less harmful than alcohol or even coffee. And don't forget this statistic either: "100,000 deaths occur each year due to the effects of alcohol" (Sources: NIDA Report, the Scientific American and Addiction Research Foundation of Ontario.) 100,000 deaths each year. The number of deaths attributed to Cannabis is virtually zero in all of human existence. So in conclusion, I have no problem with you abstaining from one of my favorite past-times, just do it for the right reasons.

HolyJuan said...

Sorry, guys. That was supposed to be funny. The study that said alcohol was the worst of all the drugs came out today.

Michele said...

I totally get your comment, Holy Juan. Smoking weed is akin to throwing the dice. Sometimes you giggle and eat a bag of chips, sometimes you sit in a corner, sweat and listen to your heart beat for two hours. We all know alcohol is bad for you...duh!!! But it's a consistently predictable "high". In moderation, of course.

Anonymous said...

When I was in high school, a police officer gave a presentation on the evils of marijuana and, as part of his dog and pony show, produced a baggie with three joints in it. After informing us of the horrors of the lockdown which would ensue if any were missing, he passed it around the room for us to see, presumably so we could flee in terror if we ever encountered them in the wild. When the baggie came back to him, there were four joints in it.