I said, it’s a Honda.

I have never purchased a new car in my life. Adopting someone else’s misery always seemed like a better deal than bringing home a brand new, expensive, depreciating baby.

Today we brought home our newly adopted child. A 2004 Honda Odyssey. It’s roomy and actually has some git up and go. I drive it like a teenager who drives his parents', well, minivan. I admit that I like driving it. I also admit that I like Helen Reddy music.

But to purchase this van we had to get rid of Doug’s Car. We swaddled it up and left it at the dealership doorstep. They said they would find a home for my baby.

Suckers. They just spent the worst $500 of their lives!

My poor little ‘95 Honda Civic. It held up so well over the past eight years. The 10,000 miles between oil changes. The watered down anti-freeze. The watered down break fluid. I abused that poor car. Acton reminded me of when he and I left a club one frigid winter night and as we sat freezing in the car, I revved the engine to the red line to heat it up. He said I was killing the engine. I said, it’s a Honda.

I slept in the back seat when I had had two too many. I slept in the trunk when I had many too many.

Right there at the end the clutch began to give up on life. The clutch was so bad, the sales guy at the dealership asked me to drive it around to the service garage because it kept stalling on him. As I shut it off, I realized that there was probably 1/100th of a tank of gas left. I timed it perfectly.

Some 16 year old kid is going to get a terrific Christmas present this year. As a matter of fact, I can almost squeeze the first bit of the 12 days of Christmas out of it:

Five fuses blown
Four balding tires
Three quarts low of oil
Two taillights out
And a spare tire with a big fat hole

Three years ago, I got a flat. I threw on the spare and drove off. An hour later, I went through a pothole and my spare went flat. I was only a mile from home so I drove on the spare. For the next three years, that spare was flat in the trunk of my car. As my tires began to bald and show the furry metallic signs of steel belt, I started to think I might need to get my spare fixed. Instead, I traded my car in.

Welcome to the family, 2004 Honda Odyssey. Godspeed 1995 Honda Civic. Join your brother, 1988 Honda Civic, in that great big Möbius Strip race track in the sky.


Anonymous said...

I have a feeling that this rental car I have been driving since may is about to get me an old honda...HAHA.or maybe one of my teenaged sons....
I really should find a car.
I think under that stone cold heart you are really really sad...and you are gonna miss your car.

HolyJuan said...

Are you kidding? That car was a death trap.

I think it's a lot like a step child. You like them when they are good, but once they start to go bad, you get rid of them.

**Author's note**
"in that great big Möbius Strip race track in the sky." might be the greatest line I have ever written.

Carpanza said...

I had a car like that. Drove it for four years. Changed the oil maybe two or three times. It had four different brands of tires on it.
The tail pipe broke and the muffler fell off. I wired it back up with a coat hanger, some sheet metal, and a couple C clamps.
The car got totaled by hail damage, and I got more from the insurance than I paid for it.
I sold it to a buddy for $250 with the warning "hey, it's a piece of shit but it'll get you to work and back. I wouln't take it over 65."

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to know you'll have a more accomodating place to nap - twice - during this year's ohio state *beats* michigan game!